Thread: A Wake
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Old 28-02-2007, 05:17 PM
iyengar iyengar is offline
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Re: A Wake

I liked the idea and language used, both were simple yet had a profound meaning. the ryhtm was also good. Would suggest a couple of changes.

"He mixed the dough to bake for bread" ... i think the for is not required, the line sounds much better sans it.

"The hole they felt within their soul, Now that his life was at an end" May be you could start with "A hole..."

"Preferring bed to lonely tomb."..this does not quite fit the meter, its a trifle short..may be you could modify it to "Preferring his bed.."
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