[Jon%]

This is my first post here so take my comments with a grain of salt.

First, it's funny that this is the first story I read at this site because I just finished reading an anthology called "Bangs & Whimpers: Stories About the End of the World." That being said, I love this premise. I think its perfect for a short story. However:

If this is going to be a short story about an apocalyptic event, you can't spend one-third of your words on what the characters were doing pre-apocalypse. A couple of introductory sentences such as "My wife and I took a week away from the mundane to book passage on an orbital cruise. The ship was beautiful and was afforded every luxury one could imagine. The days passed quickly and on our final evening aboard, we attended a 1950's themed dance. The ballroom had a huge portal with a gorgeous view of the greens and blues of our home planet..."

Great, now that's out of the way, get to the meat! More detail on what happened. More detail on reactions (right now your women cry and your men are stoic, surely reactions would be more varied). Give us more detail about life on the ship after the apocalypse, give us more detail on how the security key was acquired. Add a little character development, some interaction between your main character and Sarah would be nice.

One more minor suggestion. Compress your story down to days instead of weeks. I think things will seem less choppy that way.

That is all. Congratulations on receiving my first post ever on this site.