[Sime Sheef]

They have big heads, big, sparkling eyes, slender, feminine, bodies, pointy chins, outlandish hair and if not absent, small noses, ears and mouths. What does this describe? Why, the people of Japan, of course; and we Americans know this fact because of the dyslexic books they send over for our enjoyment. I theorize that they send the books here to brainwash our youth and if not, to make up for their transgressions(1). If you have ever read, more accurately, viewed, manga, which according to Microsoft(c) Works 2000 isn’t a word, you would know that it is a comic written by adult drama queens and kings, and sci-fi/ fantasy writers who are obsessed with magic. You would also know that manga is drawn to accurately represent the Japanese people in every aspect of life, including their huge eyes. If you have never read manga and didn’t know these things already, you do now. Also for you who have never had the great honor of looking at black and white images of pointy-chinned fat headed people with symbols for eyes, I warn you that manga comes from the minds of people very different than yourself, unless you’re a secluded Japanese, and that reading these comic books might effect the way you act and think; and you better start learning Japanese, because most novels are full of Japanese symbols.

According to American scholars, whose insignificant title makes them sound intelligent, manga has two roots, man and ga. Man, by lengthy searching and prolonged studies of the history and creation of the Japanese language, was revealed to mean man, pronounced “mea-in” by the general public, but because of people unfamiliar with the creation story(2), man must be translated as “man or woman” or “a person”. Ga is a word used by babies universally meaning “random words”(“blah” in adult tongue) or “childish”. Therefore, according to our brilliant scholars, manga means “people with random words” or “childish people”. Fortunately our scholars are so intelligent, without knowing it (in fact, no one knows it), that they failed to look at the definition of manga in the Japanese dictionary and have consequently given us a second definition that is very similar, assuring us of its true meaning. According to Wikipedia, the very unreliable source(3), manga is directly translated from Japanese as “random (or whimsical) pictures”. This information can most likely be found on any other site but because Wikipedia is mostly written by regular people who are probably fanatics about what they are submitting and not “professionals”, it’s considered by teachers universally, even those who submit to it, to be unreliable, revealing how little teachers can be trusted. The two definitions of manga are very similar and accurate; there might be a small difference but the overall ideas are the same, especially when you consider that before there were “pictures” of slender people with big eyes and pointy chins, you had the real “people” to look at.

For the average American a manga novel is harder to understand as a whole than the songs of the flying buffalo(4). The reason for this awfully strange phenomena is that manga novels are written backwards, further explaining why they may totally reverse the way you think. Most manga novels are also in black in white due to their extreme lengths ,which is made possible by the poor style that the cartoons are drawn in. Like, basically, in a nut shell, manga is really, just pretty much a big scandal(5); manga is an industry with a huge output but hardly any input. Even the plots lack evidence of any planning, thought, or detail.

I do not believe that manga has to be of such poor quality; the art in my opinion, besides the cheap way of showing a characters emotion, by making their heads big and making their eyes symbols, isn’t that bad. Manga art is a lazy way of drawing a comic (I mean, how hard is it to draw a background!) but if it can be done right than it would be just as good as any other comic. Other than the art, the books need to be read the American way, the backwards fad is over, it’s not that cool anymore; they need to be a little more creative in their plots and characters, if I wanted to watch a drama than I would look up during school; and cut out the random Japanese symbols, we aren’t Japanese. Wait, what did you say? Yaoi(6)? Don’t even get me started!