[WingcommanderIV]

Okay, I'm gonna do the comment thing where I type stuff as I read, and then give my final opinion at the end. Lets begin, shall we?

Different title, don't know how I stand on it yet, kinda like it, we'll see how it reflects your story. But so far so good.

What's a demon doing holding a woman captive in a cathedral. Usually people in cathedrals hold Demons captive, not the other way around!

Choking disgust welled up from her bowels and she heaved. <--- Nice...and eew

okay, this is kinda kinky

In the cathedral, a full moon had shown through tall windows, casting a ghostly light. <--- we already know that they're in a cathedral. You're uselessly repeating yourself, just say "A full moon shown through the tall, discolored windows, casting a ghostly light upon the row of benches" or something. I was trying to think of another word for those benches, but nothing came to mind.

Pianos are always cool in a horror story, real creepy.

Ooo, this is really good so far.

Rebellion? interesting. And as for the torments of hell, I like the angle your providing with that. It's cool, for more on people recouping from spending an eternity in hell, check out season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But you probably wont so yeah, just, kinda reminded me of somethign that happens in that season.

I'm starting to understand why he's in a cathedral. This is a really awesome story.

What motive, man this is so good!!!

And it's done.

So, she plays for a while, sings, gets tired, stops, and then god pulls out a whip, whips her and forces her to keep playing? That'd be cool.

But in all seriousness, that was amazing...if only it was longer. Your story grabbed hold of me, but I definately think the ending should have been longer, like the part where the demon saves her. I think you should have shown his redmption. See, he imprisoned her, and was mean to her, and tortured her, but her music changed him, and I think when the time came that he was forced to make the choice of doing the right thing, or falling back into his own ways, well we should have seen more of that. He should have escaped with her, and apologized not only for what he'd done, but also for getting her involved in this nightmare. The Satan would hunt them down, and the demon would choose to fight him and die, in the hopes that he'd give her time to escape. He doesn't but the act of doing so gets him into heaven, and she of course gets to heaven cause she can play the piano, and they need a new Piano girl.