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Old 16-08-2007, 07:47 AM
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Alaunus1221 Alaunus1221 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Re: Seduction by Pickle

He starts off this lonely man and ends up practically setting up a date with the wrong number caller by the end. I have always enjoyed dry humor and this was certainly quirky to say the least. I only wish you had spent more time with describing each person. Perhaps doing mirroring actions while on the phone. Or maybe further support of just how lonely they were, with him reaching into the refrigerator and eating on some of his koshers. Those choices are for you to decide, but I surely think that the humor would benefit by descriptions that accentuate their conversation.

Overall: Quirky. I like quirky, as long as even its randomness is governed by a common goal in the story.
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