['Ginnis]

You had good ideas, the concept of an orphan raised my jungle assasins being brilliant. However, to make this piece strong it takes a lot of work to elaborate on those ideas and develop it into something with a much deeper value. Focus on showing, not telling, using an active tense over a passive. Your weakness lies in keeping the reader interested, which is a struggle when you know you have a good idea but you don't know how to convey it.