[adrianhayter]

This is written pretty well but I believe the story is a little weak.

"Soon as I see something we'll pull over. Refill on gas and grab a bite to eat, but I'd really like to make it to Fort Green before we call it quits for the night. Safer town," Derik explained. He hated the long begrudging drive to his parent's house in the middle of nowhere. He had done it so many times before, but it never seemed to get any better. Having detoured from his normal route to take a back country road, one acclaimed by the travel agent to be quicker and more pleasant, he wasn't feeling as if the drive was either. Had his father not died recently, he wouldn't be doing it at all.*****(OK. Here's where you can start a fire under the story. Get rid of travel agent. That doesn't have a place in the story anymore than the AAA lady at first. The last place they stopped for gas has an attendant. He recommends they take the detour. Develop this character as mysterious, slightly strange and smelling of premonition. With your permission, I'm going to play with it for a moment.

"Hey mister...it's none of my business but I wouldn't drive around on tires like that...not with a wife as pretty as she is. The old man's single tooth made the sound of "pretty" seem dirty like it had crawled out a hole somewhere. The sound grated on Derik's nerves.

"You're right, it's not your business but if you need to know, the car's a rental and... we're not married."

"Sorry Mister, my mistake. Her being expecting and all, I just jumped to the wrong conclusion. By myself here, all day, I got nothing to do but think. Sometimes, it gets me in trouble.

"Derik, pay the man and lets go.

"I thought you wanted to stretch your legs?"

"No, I want to go."

"Ok, OK, we'll go but I don't know what your rush is. It's not like my father is going anyplace. We got all the time in the world.

There are a million possibilities here. By adding this character, you can create so much tension, the reader has to finish. The attendant wears overalls with one strap's missing, it's distinctive and pointed out in the description. It makes the old man appear lopsided. Just prior to the accident, Derik sees the figure, vague but leaning to the side.

Concerning the ending: I do the same, I rush through trying to finish. But I always get caught. The reader knows.

As always, these are just my opinions.

Adrian