[dearest]

Hey Haruna! Okay, constructive criticism first. I told you that those half-rhymes were going to drive me mad, especially right next to perfect rhymes: untold/betrothed right next to scene/serene? Gah! Structure also bothered me a bit. In staza two, the first line doesn't rhyme internally and the second and third do. That's fine by itself, but in the rest of the poem, I think that all the stanzas were meant to rhyme internally. Confusing, and it throws the piece off track. As for meter, I know you don't like it, but you should really consider using some sort of rhythm in your next piece. It does make the poem more reader-friendly.

Now, this is the part where I gush about all the stuff I liked. I loved the whole story-telling element of the poem, and especially the repeating line "the gun in place, the blood in lace". I really like the whole story interwoven into the poem and would like to see it fleshed out in a seperate piece. Wouldn't that be so fun to write? Okay, that's all for now. Lovely as always, Haruna. Great piece!