You're single-handedly responsible for my paying more attention to the "fantasy" forum now, you know.
It's funny that you mentioned Loreena McKennit as that's exactly what I was thinking of as I read this. Your descriptions are very evocative of exactly that kind of setting, so well done there.
I agree with the earlier comment about the cloak, and I'd offer a few other nits
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the starting curve of her soft bosom teasingly revealing themselves
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The word "starting" seems appropriate, but also awkward. When I first read it, my mind actually saw "startling" which I thought was such a great description it deserved a second look...whereupon I caught my own error.
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Lovingly, he caressed her outstretched hand with his own, the cold harsh reality of steel against the manly incitations of her tenderness. He knelt on one knee, both hands clasping the earthed sword before him
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When I read that the first time I thought, "How can he be caressing her hand if he has both of his clasping his sword?" Obviously I'm an idiot and he simply released her hand when he knelt. But you might have an opportunity there for him to express a reluctance to break the contact.
Like I said, nits.
I'll try to give some thought to possible directions to go from here. You posted this a while ago so you may well have continued already!