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Old 26-09-2007, 10:29 PM
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RENA HANDS RENA HANDS is offline
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Re: Cry of a Spartan

Of my superficial review this is what I found and ask about. I will return to the story later today for I love the title. “The Finn” the name reminds of the character of “A Separate Peace.” That too was a great examination of the human mind during a state of war.

Quote:
After walking in one direction, the sounds of battle got a bit louder than when I was perched in the tree. Still, the sound of trench mortars was faint at the least.
I stopped for a moment to get a drink. The water was freezing, not a surprise. What was worse was the metal canteen. It numbed my fingers just to touch. Not good when life or death relied on you pulling a trigger with your finger before the other guy. Not that I was afraid; speed was never an issue for me.
There is a possible spacing error.

Is “metres” an English spelling or did you intend for “meters?”

Quote:
The white camo on his chest was becoming redder and redder,….
Did you mean “cameo?”

A verb confusion here…

Quote:
I unwrapped the bandage and approached the Finn.
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?


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