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Old 01-10-2007, 12:12 PM
modfiction942 modfiction942 is offline
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Re: Ducati Recollect

Loved it. Very solid, great characterization. You have everything you need here and nothing you don't. The usual nitpicks:

Quote:
As the tree’s parted
No apostrophe.

Quote:
the exhaust pipe of her bike nearly generated enough heat to power a tiny locomotive
If you're going for hyperbole here, I'd say either lose the "nearly" or the "tiny."

Quote:
draped in a minx collared wool coat
"Mink." Minx means a smartass girl.

Quote:
especially with the riff-raft she considered Harper to be
As far as I know it's riff-raff.

Quote:
She hated her Christian name nearly as much as she hated her present company.
I would suggest "companion" here, only because there are dumb people like me who might take "company" to mean her employer. Essentially the same meaning, just no danger of it being taken the wrong way.

Quote:
Can’t a mother come to remember her dead son in a place he adored?
"Dead son" seems too direct and not euphemismy enough for such a prissy woman.
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