[Gurdit]

The story is nice. I liked it, but your mechanics are pretty bad, I felt. There were too many tense changes, and a few mis-used words. I will go through it and point them all out to you later, if you want.

And even though you are 25 now, I don't see any reason why you should be ashamed of writing something of a floaty romance like this. We all have fantasies, no matter how childish they are, and only the bravest of us are able to dwell on them sometimes and lucky enough to write about them.