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Old 12-10-2007, 01:12 AM
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Razor Razor is offline
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Re: The Glass Sword - Chapter two

Great story. I second "justice_for_all" opinion. I loved this. It's very enthralling. I can't wait for the next chapter.

I love the strength of the writing. Crisp clean, to the point. No wasted words and un-needed details.

I think you did a great job with the fight scene. There is a delicate balance between becoming too wordy and not enough detail. I think you found a good recipe.

The way the story is coming along really has me anxious to know what is going to happen next. Seriously, I'd really like to know.

I found a few spots that weren't quite as strong as the rest of the writing. Nothing major though.

Quote:
He reached the peak and looked out across the valley floor below, searching for the back road to Alar. He found it quickly, and as the sun set they finally reached flat earth and headed toward the path worn into the forest floor by a hundred thousand footsteps.
This isn't bad, but I, personally, don't think it's as strong as the rest. I think you could say something like: ...below, searching for a path he remembers from long ago. His eyes quickly trace familar landmarks, and as the sun...

Nothing too major, but it was kind of a hang up for me. Great job, keep it up.
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