[Nephilim]

i liked it. it was a short, fun read. not too deep, but it doesnt have to be.

i agree with the bread remark. how about instead:

As mixed the dough bread,
A sudden pain coursed through his head.


i think it sounds better that way, a little bit more brief, but holds the same amount of meaning. you can probably come up with a better way to word it.

other than that, yeah. good poem, i will look for others from you. i dont quite see the satire, but im not the most brilliant guy out there (currently have a C+ in AP English Lit).

best of luck