[Nephilim]

this story was...well, nothing. i mean, there was a sort of plot arc, but it was more a series of "and thens" that dont really hold the story together at all. its a tired idea thats been used past the point of entertainment. look for something more original.

the dialogue was passable.
"Why do you want to know?" Doug yelled.

"Oh I have my rights."

...what? the next line should be "that doesnt answer my question..."

there needs to be more background. who is doug. why is this guy after him? why is the guy a creep and a murdered. at least some of this should be answered.

misspelling in the first sentance. punctuation problames are everywhere. take it back, flesh it out, make an actual story out of it, and it will end up 100x better.


"not with my powers you cant"

sorry, i actually laughed at taht one.

maybe it should have just been his friend messing with him or soemthing...