Nice poem, very ponderous. I'm usually partial to open-ended poetry left up to reader interpretation, but I would have appreciated at least some hint of what exactly you were getting at. Another small thing:
Quote:
Sometimes I try to remember, what I'm on the border of forgetting;
And other times I wonder,
why its here;
and why its beating.
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Did you have any particular reason for choosing the line breaks that you did here? Actually, I was a bit confused by the organization of the piece altogether. Stanzas seem a little haphazard.
Well, that all. Nice piece, mate, and welcome again to the site. I hope you'll take some of this advice to heart, because you've got the makings of some fantastic poetry here...you just need a little focus. Looking forward to seeing bigger and better things from you in the future!
-Fire