That was great! A minor nit:
Quote:
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Thinking about painful farce to come, I stuck my finger in my ear and pulled on my lower lip, while balancing on my right leg.
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Should be "Thinking about
the painful farce..." Told you it was a nit.
Also
Quote:
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That was how I met, Patrick Hiromatsu.
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The comma shouldn't be there. And the sentence itself is a bit awkward. I can't put my finger on why, but it seemed a bit jarring in the otherwise smooth flow of the story.
Love the acronym....as someone who's done a lot of work for the government, I appreciate a good acronym! Did you start with it or the words?
The concept was great, and I particularly liked he juxtaposition of high-tech neural implants and ancient bonsai trees.
Can't wait to read more....