[Ambrose]

This story is absolutely ridiculous. First off, there are too many characters and as a reader I can't keep track of who's who. Then theres the gratuitous and largely senseless violence. Is it really necessary to have the runner up in the election, the Drain fellow, hacked to death with an axe in the face or to have the mother and father of a murdered child murdered brutally themselves?

The plot is insultingly simplistic. One whole scene is dedicated to the evil clan discussing what they should do to Drain and their conclusion is simply to kill him. What was stopping them from doing this before? What's more aggravating is that in this make-believe derelict world of yours, the evil guys seem to be able to get away with anything. Is there no law enforcement of any kind? Apparently not, seeing as people are free to decorate the walls with womens' stomachs...

It is incredibly irritating when you supply us with jargon specific to the world you've created and don't tell us what it means till afterward. The reader then has to go back and substitute in your definitions in order to understand what the characters are talking about. A much better way to do what you're trying to do would be to make it so we can figure out what you're talking about by the context of the situation. Ex: He brought out the best ribbon he had, a wrought iron shield. This lets the reader know, without directly telling, that a ribbon is most likely a piece of armor.

I did not like how you told us the full names and ages of your characters. This information is not relevant and only serves to confuse the reader more. As far as allegiances go, you should not have to tell us which side someone is on. Someone should be labeled evil because of his/her actions in the story, not because you told us he/she is evil.

Oh, and why does everyone in your story drive a BMW?