[Gurdit]

Ah, this one is nice. Mostly because of the first and last stanzas. I haven't counted your syllables, so you'll have to take fire's word for it.

Apart from that, the structure is quite good.
I like the ellipses in the first and last stanzas as well.

Just a couple of things that bother me a bit:

1. "the carcass pieces" - just doesn't sound right, somehow. A carcass immediately brings to my mind an image of a dead (and perhaps rotting) body. Do vampires attack dead bodies?

2. "goddess of death awakes" - I think it's supposed to be "awakens", but I guess it's alright to use this under poetic license. Just wanted to know whether you used it like that on purpose or was it a typo?