I'm going to write this as I read:
Chapter One:
1.
Quote:
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His mother, Valerie, is an average sized woman. About 5’6” with adequate breast, wide hips, long, beautiful, fading red hair. Eyes like emeralds and skin pallid as baby powder. An Irish beauty of 47 years old. She’s lost most of the weight gained during pregnancy of her only child. To guess, I’d say she weighs at around 150pds.
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This description seems a little cold to me. You did a fantastic job of describing everything else but this came off like a police wanted persons report and not the description of a poor woman trapped in a grimy home with an apparently shitty life.
2. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Crazy........... wow, if you gotta kills some people in a story, haha,
this is the way to do it I guess.
Chapter Two:
A little confusing here, he's just driving around right? A'right, I bet this is setting something good up.
Chapter Three:
1. Surprises surprises. Wow, if I didn't love the aspect of "Whoa, this is nuts" (It's really fun to read) I'd be a little taken aback at the apparent randomness of it all. But hey, I'm a random guy and thusfar, this is a Grade A in my book.
Chapter Four:
1. The Making-Sounds-With-Words seemed a little off. Not the sound I had in my head. Maybe it's just me. (I find those things tough anyways)
2. Cool poem, did you write that yourself?
Chapter 5:
1.
Umm... rape's not all that amorous...
2. Umm... I'm lost.
3. More lost...
4. What happened to the parents?
5 (And really most important aspect) Nathon was an interesting character that looked like he was going somewhere or to something intersting but then it ends really confusing and abruptly with something about an "Austin" guy that I didn't really understand (And I love random) and it's all really really making my head spin (Then again I'm readint this at 5:30 AM, wtf am I doing!?)
I'll try Chapter 5 tomorrow after lunch when I'm awake. But kudos on 1-4, damn good read.