[Ryankia]

Alrighty, since I have been working on it for the last week or so and have managed to get up to chapter 3 ^.^ (I am currently behind but will be doing catch up soon). Here is the first chapter. Just enjoy reading it, as I am not looking for critique. It is *unedited* because of the nature of NaNo. It won't be edited until the month is over, so I know it is littered with silly mistakes.
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My Dearest Granddaughters,


My sincerest apologies for the lack of contact we have had over the past several years. Your Grandfather and I have been quite busy with the comings and goings of London, as well as the thriving of his new business. Now, before I go on about nonsense, I wish extend an invitation to both you girls. We are having a party in a few weeks time, and we would love to have your attendance. Oh, and Samantha, you will be introduced to all the well-to-do eligible bachelors in London; you have my word. I'm not playing matchmaker, but you can't shame me for giving fate a bit of a push now can you? Cassandra, my dear, all my lady friends are just dying to meet you. After hearing so much about you from myself, your acquaintance is highly anticipated. We hope you both will stay for at least a month's time, if not longer. Though if your children need you home sooner, Cassandra, I will not hold you here unnecessarily. They are old enough now to not need both parent's supervision, at least we should hope so at ages ten and eight. May I hear from you both soon. I shall send a carriage as soon as I receive confirmation.


Many loves,
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathon Burnsbury


Cassandra's eyes grew in size as she quietly read the letter aloud. Despite being unsure if Mr. Ackerly would allow her to leave for such a long period of time, she squealed with excitement over the prospect of a party and luxurious society. It would be a couple day's journey, as they lived just outside of Cantebury but this was not a concern. She had married well, but not as such as her Grandparents would have desired, even though she went into the marriage with a several thousand pound dowry. Being in love and happy were her highest priorities, and it was what she received with her marriage to Mr. Peyton Ackerly. After her son Daniel was born, Peyton proved to be more than his weight in gold as a father. Picking up her skirts, she ran to kitchen to find Nicci, her house servant and companion.


“Nicci? Nicci? Where are you?”


“Mrz. Ackerly?” Nicci curtsied, stepping from the kitchen as Cassandra approached. She wore the same black dress she wore everyday and Cassandra never saw her wear anything else. It was a might strange but she dismissed it as a minor oddity.


“A letter! A letter... from Mrs. Burnsbury.”


“Your Grandmo'her?”


“Yes, and she has invited Samantha and myself to visit her!”


“Oh marvelouz! How longz zhall you be z'haying, Mrz. Ackerly?”


“Well, I cannot say I have fully decided to pay them a visit. It has been years since we have last been in company.”


Nicci nodded knowingly to Mrs. Ackerly's sentiment. She was correct about the situation being awkward, yet it would be a delightful experience for both her and Miss Prescott. With Mr. Prescott away on business, Samantha was stressed about his safety and lonely without his company. She was at a good age for marriage, and giving her a push towards it could not hurt.


“Zhould I wakez Mz. Prezcott, Ma'am?”


“Yes, please do. I will follow promptly.”


With a curtsy, Nicci scurried off to do as she was told. The house was still cold from the previous night, and she could see her breath in some parts of the house. She stopped by the kitchen to pick up a candle before making her way towards Samantha's quarters. The room was not far from the kitchen, but far enough to be in the coldest part of the house. Shivering as she walked, the candle's flame danced and shook from her tremors. While walking past the hall windows, she took the time to open curtains in the hallway, which had not yet been pulled back to allow the sun's warmth into the house. The soft glow through the glass softened her face's sharp features. Her blue eyes sparkled with a renewed energy and her long black hair become a sea of delicate silk. Color rose to her pale cheeks and gave her a refreshed appearance, a stark difference from her normal sickly demeanor. She steadied the shaking candle and walked with a regal stride.


“Miz Prezcott? Are you z'hill zleeping?”


Nicci waited a few moments outside the door, yet no one responded. Trying to be as quiet as she could, she opened the large door carefully, ready to catch it if it moved to fast. The door swung open slowly and silently, much to her relief. She tip-toed into the darkness, lifting her hem to avoid tripping as she walked. The small flame did little to light her way and it cast eerie shadows on the furniture about her, causing her stomach to tie in knots with uneasiness. Since the room was so large and the light was dim, she had difficulty finding the bed and the far end of the room. Chairs appeared out of nowhere so she was constantly stubbing her toes and bruising her shins. She bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain each time. After several minutes of struggling, she found the bed and set the candle on the table at its side.


“Miz Prezcott?”


She tried to rouse the woman, giving her shoulder a gentle shake, yet it did little other than cause her to roll over. Samantha pulled the covers up and tighter about herself, snuggling deep into the warm sheets. Nicci hobbled over to the windows. The same heavy burgundy curtains which hung in the hall, also hung in front of the windows. Once again, she moved them aside with minimal effort as she did before, allowing the sun's blinding light to flood the room. Samantha groaned from the sudden pain and pulled the blankets over her head to escape the sun's brightness.


“Did you have to open the curtains?” Samantha mumbled, her voice groggy from just waking and muffled by the sheets. She peered out from beneath the covers, revealing only the top of her head.


“Zorry Miz, but Miztrezz Ackerly wizhed to zhpeak wi'h you. Zent me here firzt tah wake you.”


“I see. Will I have time to dress?”


“Not wi'h the newz zhe juztz rezeived.”


“Oh?”


She idly toyed with the chain about her neck. It was a necklace her father had given her when she was a little girl. It reminded her of her mother, and her father when he was away. A golden key which was dented and scratched over the years, but still held its shape well. She loved it and considered it her most prized possession because of what it meant beyond being a gift or jewelry. It wasn't a symbol of wealth or power, but simply love.


“Zhe will tellz you. Not my plaze.”


Samantha sat up, sleepily rubbing the night's crust from her eyes. She hadn't slept all that well, but would make do with what sleep she did get. Forcing her legs to move, she slowly rolled out of bed and slipped on her robe which was laying on a nearby chair. Tying it securely then crossing her arms at the realization of how cold it actually was outside of her bed's protection.


“It better be worth getting up into the cold for. It's chilly enough to catch cold in here.”


Nicci laughed, as she knew it was quite true, even though all of the household had managed to keep sickness at bay for many years.


“Samantha!” Cassandra burst into the room, bright-eyed and breathless. “Pack your things! We leave for London the day after tomorrow.”


“Do we now? And who shall we be visiting in London? One of your strange acquaintances?” Samantha mocked, having met her sister's friends, she did not hold a high standard.


“Of course not. Mr. and Mrs. Burnsbury have invited us to stay with them. They are throwing party for us as well.


"Mayz I excuze myzelf, Mrz. Ackerly?" Nicci curtsied.


Cassandra waved her hand, dismissing Nicci from the room to leave herself and Samantha alone. Curtsying one last time, Nicci left the room and closed the room behind her.


"So? What do you have to say? I can send a letter in a few minutes time and we can be on our way before it reaches them."


"But what if father comes home and we are not here? What about your children?"


"We can leave a note for father, or my husband can explain. And Nicci will watch the children. They like her enough."


"Well, it seems you have already made up your mind for the both of us. I do not have much of a choice in the matter. Go let Mrs. Burnsbury know we shall arrive in three days time. We shall leave tomorrow morning."


More than elated, Cassandra hugged her sister before scurrying off to answer the invitation extended by their grandparents. She had much which had to be accomplished in the next few hours, and no time could be wasted.


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Burnsbury,


We are well, and we are pleased to hear of your good health in return. Forgiveness for the lost time is easily granted, as family need not to beg for such a thing. Your invitation was well received and we are glad to accept the offer in response. I am writing this letter as you requested, passing the knowledge of us arriving this Friday in London. We do hope the shops shall be ready for our presence, as new apparel will be required for such an occasion. We look forward to your company and shall see you in a short time.


Your Granddaughters,
Cassandra and Samantha


She waved the paper in the air to hurry its drying before quickly folding it and stuffing it into the Nicci's hand. Having nearly forgotten all about the letter, she quickly scribbled a thank you and whatever else came to mind. Every few paces she had to stop and tell someone of her absence and make sure proper instructions were given and what had to be done while she was gone. So many people to speak with and so little time, yet all done without the dampening of spirits.


"The letter must reach them by tomorrow night. The morning after tomorrow at the very last possible moment." Pulling out her purse to hand her several coins to take to the messenger. "Remember, the utmost speed."


Snatching up her skirts, Cassandra rushed off to her next task, leaving Nicci in the doorway dawdling. She had already written and sent off a letter to Mr. and Mrs. Burnbury about the arrival of their guests of honor, though other details were inclosed which could not be seen by either Miss Prescott or Mrs. Ackerly. Them being gone was going to give her the perfect opportunity to obtain the items she needed before slipping away. To appear as if she was doing as she was told, she walked a good ways from the house, then she took the message and ripped it into small pieces, letting them fly into the wind. The coins she stuffed into her own purse beneath the folds in her gown.


"The breeze waz frezh, the zhip waz in ztayz..." The words slipped from her lips as she stared off south. "Each breaker huzh'd, the zhore a haze..."


Soon, so soon she would be home again and have this place behind her; to feel the sea upon her face and the salt in her hair. With her eyes closed, she continued to sing, longing and desire rich upon her tongue – but not for the touch of any man. She was in love with the sea.


"If you lovez I az I lovez you, no pair zo happy az we two."


As much as she wished to stay and daydream of times ahead, she forced her mind to remain focused with the task at hand. The place was still, eerily so. She tensed while her heart skipped several beats, hearing a snapping and crackle not far off. Someone was walking nearby, and she didn't like the fact she may have been followed or watched. Gathering up her skirts, she ran back to the house to help the women with the departure preparations. Mrs. Ackerly wouldn't be much company, as she would be running around the house like a mad woman, barking orders at all the staff. Miss Prescott, however, would be in her room trying to decide which gowns to bring with her on the journey. The young woman owned many things which dazzled and sparkled, two things Nicci loved. Shiny and sharp were also two things she could be distracted by, yet not in the way many would think. Helping Samantha would get her closer to her goal and as such, she made her way straight there.


She found Miss Prescott busying herself with gathering her belongings, trying to decide what to take and what to leave behind. The woman was humming to herself, lost in her own world, holding gowns up to her figure and staring at herself in the mirror.


"Mizz Prezcott?" Nicci curtsied. "Mayz I be of any helpz?"


Samantha jumped with Nicci appearing out of nowhere, at least it was how it seemed to her. Recovering, she brushed the gown she held in her grasp, admiring it with fondness.
"Well, I do need help deciding which gowns to take. I have the number narrowed down to twenty, and I know we shall be browsing shops while in London. Do you think it is too many?"


Father always brought her a gown and some new commodity when he returned from his travels, as he enjoyed his baby daughter looking as if she belonged in the royal palace. Though, Samantha wasn't usually one for such doting or fanciful items, she couldn't help but feel special when putting on the delicate fabrics and twirling for hours.


"I thinkz fifteen may bez enough for the tripz, Mizz."


"Then which ones shall I leave behind?"


She had carefully laid all her gowns out about the room, deciding after she had danced and gazed at them all for a good while. Nicci looked at them all, seemingly deep in thought about each one and how it would be worn, even though she already knew which ones she would have Samantha put back. After several moments, she went about the room and picked up the five she had determined to be excess and put them away.


"Therez, you are all zetz."


"Oh! Thank you, Nicci! I couldn't have done it without you." Samantha hugged the woman.


Nicci shrugged and helped her pack everything into several bags. She had evidently packed all her jewelry and other miscellaneous items, which would have been Nicci's next suggestion.


"Exzited Mizz Prezcott?"


"Yes, quite so. I haven't been to London since I was a little girl."


"You'llz enjoy itz more now az you're older."


"I do hope so, Nicci. I hope so."


Nicci excused herself and went about her business with directing the rest of the household for Mrs. Ackerly before retiring for the night. She slept well, waking refreshed for her impending responsibilities with the ladies of the house out of the way.


Neither Samantha or Cassandra slept well during the night, being too excited to sleep for any great length of time. Cassandra was up packing things much later though, after getting a late start from trying to dictate tasks to her household and discussing money with Mr. Ackerly. The man was worried about his wife's spending habits, and wasn't pleased to hear they were going shipping when in London. It took several hours for her to convince him to allow her a hundred pounds to spend while away. Pleased that she had won a small amount, she whistled joyfully the rest of the night. Samantha simply laid awake in her bed staring at the ceiling or tossing about.


Mr. Ackerly called for the carriage early, giving the coachmen time to load up the women's belongings before they were awaken to leave. Cassandra took the time to say goodbye to her children, finding it difficult to let them go despite wanting to go.


"Theyz aren't going nowherez, Mrz. Ackerly." Nicci said, placing her hands on their shoulders and encouraging Cassandra to get into the coach.


"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier."


"Come on, Cassandra. The men won't wait forever." Samantha insisted with a tug on her sister's arm.


Reluctantly, she got into the cab behind Samantha and closed the door, waving enthusiastically to those outside. They were on their way at last, and the anticipation for vacation couldn't be higher. Thankfully for them both, the journey was quite uneventful and they fell asleep on each other's shoulders.

[Jimbalaya]

I like it so far, Ryan. You write in such a way that it is easy for the reader to get caught up in the worlds you create. I didn't once feel like stopping, I wanted to find out what was happening.

The only part that I think you should look at a little more is the dialogue between the sisters. It seems a littel blunt, and lifeless...the actions of the characters is perfect, but the way they talk at this point is a little flat and unrealistic. That's just my opinion though.

The story was very interesting. What does this little whisp of a house keeper have up her sleeve? I can't wait to find out. Keep it up! It's wonderful to see some new stuff from you.

[Ryankia]

Dialogue is my weakness, and always has been. I guess this will force me to work on it, but when one doesn't engage in a lot of conversation herself, it is a little difficult to learn XD Thanks for the heads up

Do you have any helpful suggestions on how to, "give it more oomph"? Or should I just try and add more personality to the actions after to create animation?

[RENA HANDS]

So then do we (any reader(s) make note of ur ‘errors,’ not yet corrected)?
LOVE this bit, (it reminds of Dracula’s ‘non-negotiable’ proposal to stay at his home for one month’s time…lol/grin)…

Though if your children need you home sooner, Cassandra, I will not hold you here unnecessarily.

Well I’m certainly ready for more! Also, I think the dialogue was most appropriate for the situation in which u typed ur tale.

FANTASTIC (looking forward towards the ‘clean up/edit.)!