[samvaknin]

Written by Sam Vaknin

Paedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children and act on their sexual fantasies. It is a startling fact that the etiologic of this paraphilia is unknown. Paedophiles comes from all walks of life and have no common socio-economic background. Contrary to media-propagated myths, most of them had not been sexually abused in childhood and the vast majority of paedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are heterosexuals).

Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the ones who are tempted solely by kids. Nine tenths of all paedophiles are male. They are fascinated by pre-teen females, teenage males or (more rarely) both.

Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of the population have paedophiliac fantasies. The prevalence of child pornography and child prostitution prove it. Paedophiles start out as "normal" people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to discover their illicit sexual preference for the pre-pubertal. The process and mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable sexuality to much-condemned (and criminal) paedophilia are still largely mysterious.

Paedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits. They lack empathy for their victims and express no remorse for their actions. They are in denial and, being pathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions, claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow, derived great pleasure from it.

The paedophile's ego-syntony rests on his allopathic defences. He generally tends to blame others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures, and deficiencies. Paedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of "coming on to them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even trapping) them.

The paedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the kid's age and maturity).

Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to truly comprehend others cause the paedophile to objectify the targets of his lasciviousness. Paedophilia is, in essence, auto-erotic. The paedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate with. Hence the success of the Internet among paedophiles - it offers disembodied, anonymous, masturbatory sex. Children in cyberspace are mere representations - often nothing more than erotic photos and screen names.

It is crucial to realize that paedophiles are not enticed by the children themselves, by their bodies, or by their budding and nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's Lolita?). Rather, paedophiles are drawn to what children symbolize, to what preadolescents stand for and represent.

To the paedophile,

I. Sex with children is "free" and "daring".

Sex with sub-teens implies freedom of action with impunity. It enhances the paedophile's magical sense of omnipotence and immunity. By defying the authority of the state and the edicts of his culture and society, the paedophile experiences an adrenaline rush to which he gradually becomes addicted. Illicit sex becomes the outlet for his urgent need to live dangerously and recklessly.

The paedophile is on a quest to reassert control over his life. Studies have consistently shown that paedophilia is associated with anomic states (war, famine, epidemics) and with major life crises (failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse, separation, divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's nearest and dearest).

It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by research - that the typical paedophile is depressive and with a borderline personality (low organization and fuzzy personal boundaries). Paedophiles are reckless and emotionally labile. The paedophile's sense of self-worth is volatile and deregulated. He is likely to suffer from abandonment anxiety and be a co-dependent or counter-dependent.

Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one aspect of his life (sex) that the paedophile re-acquires a sense of mastery. The same mechanism is at work in the development of eating disorders. An inhibitory deficit is somehow magically perceived as omnipotence.

II. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent

The paedophile makes frequent (though unconscious) use of projection and projective identification in his relationships with children. He makes his victims treat him the way he views himself - or attributes to them traits and behaviours that are truly his.

The paedophile is aware of society's view of his actions as vile, corrupt, forbidden, evil, and decadent (especially if the paedophiliac act involves incest). He derives pleasure from the sleazy nature of his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view of himself as "bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment" and "guilty".

In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the paedophile projects these torturous feelings and self-perceptions onto his victims. The children defiled and abused by his sexual attentions thus become "rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable. This leads to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.

III. Sex with children is a re-enactment of a painful past

Many paedophiles truly bond with their prey. To them, children are the reification of innocence, genuineness, trust, and faithfulness - qualities that the paedophile wishes to nostalgically recapture.

The relationship with the child provides the paedophile with a "safe passage" to his own, repressed and fearful, inner child. Through his victim, the paedophile gains access to his suppressed and thwarted emotions. It is a fantasy-like second chance to re-enact his childhood, this time benignly. The paedophile's dream to make peace with his past comes true, transforming the interaction with the child to an exercise in wish fulfilment.

IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis

The paedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal autonomy and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.

To the paedophile, the child is a "transitional object" - a training ground on which to exercise his adult relationship skills. The paedophile erroneously feels that the child will never betray and abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".

The paedophile - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The child may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents, siblings, teachers, or peers, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). The kid may come from an abusive family or environment - which conditioned her or him to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain.

The paedophile is the guru at the centre of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner". He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate. He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He enforces discipline.

The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The paedophile imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of a horrible secret.

The paedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.

The typical paedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control over the most minute details and behaviours. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.

The paedophile does not respect the boundaries and privacy of the (often reluctant and terrified) child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people compulsively.

The paedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizing the most minute faults (devalues) and exaggerating the looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) of the child. He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations - which legitimize his subsequent abusive conduct.

Narcissistic paedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skilful, omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most paedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.

In extreme cases, the paedophile feels above the law - any kind of law. This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction with the authorities.

V. The paedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster

Sub-teen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are physically weaker, dependent on others for the fulfilment of many of their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills restricted. His relationships with children buttress the paedophile's twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims, the paedophile is always the stronger, the wiser, the most skilful and well-informed.

VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship

Inevitably, the paedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and companions. Paedophiles are lonely, eroto-maniac, people.

The paedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves) the child. Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.

To show his keen interest, the common paedophile keeps calling the child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "on the kid's behalf", getting into relationships with the preteen's parents, friends, teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at all times. The paedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions for the child.

The paedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy, disrespects the child's express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and preferences. To the paedophile, "love" means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned).

Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile actions convince the eroto-maniac that the child not in love with him. He knows better and will make the world see the light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good for the kid. The paedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and happiness into the child's dreary and unhappy existence.

Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the paedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, that the child is equally infatuated with him or her. He interprets everything the child does (or refrains from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveying the child's interest in and eternal devotion to the paedophile and to the "relationship".

Some (by no means all) paedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved with the child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) - or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.

Consequently, paedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of their mounting frustration. When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some paedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.

Paedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is by the chronological age of the child involved. Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of paedophilia (or even paraphilia).

In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for instance) the age of consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age in Britain until the end of the nineteenth century was 10. Paedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).

It would, therefore, be wise to redefine paedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or with people of the equivalent mental age (e.g., retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted practices.

More about this topic here:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com

[JirQUEST]

your introduction does not state properly what your entire essay is about. in fact, one has to read the title to really know what you are getting at. but that's really besides the pt. what befuddles me is, u have made several claims, but are there any medical/scientific research to substantiate your claims?

Jirquest:

your introduction does not state properly what your entire essay is about. in fact, one has to read the title to really know what you are getting at.

Sam:

My essay is about paedophilia. The first word in my essay is "paedophiles" and my essay is about paedophilia. The entire first paragraph defines what is paedophilia. I am not sure I understand what you are talking about. Are you sure you read the essay before you posted it? I recommend that you do now, it is never too late ...))

Jirquest:

but that's really besides the pt. what befuddles me is, u have made several claims, but are there any medical/scientific research to substantiate your claims?

Sam:

All of it is based on extent research and published studies - but this forum is not an academic settings, so Idid not attach the bibliography that goes with this article.

Take it easy.

Sam

[JirQUEST]

hi sam,

yes i did read the essay. i dun put up stuff that i dun read but my pt was, ur title does not resonate with ur introduction. to put it simply, i felt it was weak. its first sentence stated what everyone knew. in my opinion, that wasnt a catcher. ur second paragraph was equally baffling. there was no link between it and the rest. i thought it might be better if u eased that into the first paragraph or third.

and i feel that it would be good if u had some links to substantiate ur claims, as i said b4. that would reinforce everything u mentioned in ur essay, thus making it stronger. just my thoughts, so no worries. apologies if i sounded harsh

[Verbatim]

I agree with JirQuest on some points. Your thesis is not complete because it does not summerize the whole article. Also, if you are going to make claims, regardless as to whether you view this site as professional or not, you need to support your claims with evidence, either primary or secondary. You do niether and it significantly weakens your argument. I will say this though: Your article is very interesting and I think it is very timely in view of the recent pedophilic crimes commited by priests of the Catholic Chuch.

[TheNewFoundPoet]

"The paedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the kid's age and maturity). " - Not a fair comparison at all. The differences between the misinterpretations are so vast, I'd just take that comparison out. At least, in my experience with autistic patients. Like everyone was saying, it would be nice if I knew where you were getting this from, so I could go read that, then prove them wrong as well.

"convince the eroto-maniac that the child not in love with him" - is not*

"Some (by no means all) paedophiles are socially-inapt" - inept

I also agree with 18catz that considering the nature of this article, it's kind of odd that it is here where the majority of the members are below 18 (I think, I'm actually not sure, so correct me if I'm wrong)

I also want to know where you get all this, or if it is just your opinion. Because in my professional experience, a lot of this doesn't seem to be based on anything more then speculation, and I would contest many of the claims you make. So knowing where they come from would help. I'm to lazy to actually go through and contest things (except that one point up there, which was blatantly unjustified in my opinion), and it wouldn't serve any purpose, so I'm not going to bother.

Hehe, wow, I'm really bashing this essay here. Even though I really liked it, and thought it was interesting, very well worded, very well organized, and all that fun stuff. I disagree with many of the points, but it was still interesting to read them.

Other then that, all I have to say is that paedophilia is very wrong, and it disgusts me. Have to fit that in somewhere...

[tathi]

Hi Sam,

interesting essay, maybe you could include links to the DSMIV at the bottom for references

"Paedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits."
perhaps consider changing "psychopathic" with "sociopathic"; the term psychopath isn't used very often in psychology anymore, plus people who know little about personality disorders may become confused because "antisocial" is an ambiguous word in that it can also mean someone who doesn't get out of the house much (eg. "my brother is so antisocial, all he does is sit on that computer!" )

also i wrote a little thing on paedophiles in a thread about michael jackson on another forum that reiterates a few of your points that you may find interesting:

There are predominately two types of pedophiles: one group are very secretive, consciously knowing what they do is wrong and will go to great lengths to hide it and threaten the child with violence or other consequences if they reveal the action; the other group brainwash the child as much as themselves under specious rationalisation and at times they are foolish enough to go to the extent of trying to convince the community that it is reasonable for an adult to have a sexual relationship with a child, usually it's framed around the concept of love, which Jackson exhibited in the Martin Bashir documentary where he stated somethign to the effect that 'there is no more loving thing to do than to share your bed with a young boy'. One can only imagine how the community will react to a middle aged man without michael jacksons resources making this sort of claim, that's not to overlook the complicity of hte parents putting their children in a situation where there is doubt about the motivation of the person offering to care for their child.

Pedophiles usually position themselves in one of two situations: They get work as a preist or a childcare worker or similar job where they have access to vulnerable children; or they create a 'honeypot' to draw children into their orbit. Case in point Neverland Ranch.

It's interesting to note that a Pedophile will usually pick out the runt of the litter, someone who has had a deprived childhood and bad upbringing becuase they can offer inducements that that kid is not familiar with. In a workplace like a childcare centre the pedophile will groom and rape one child while treating all the other children normally, so when the kids are questioned conflicting stories will result. The kid is usually already vulnerable, has abusive parents (like the mother in the Jackson case who is almost certainly a borderline personality disorder). The kids are usually recalcitrant, lies, and is very troublesome, this way if the victim speaks up about his abuse it is easy to spread obfuscation on his story, ala 'the boy who cried woof' etc.

[Elvisceration]

The essay was definately interesting. I'm not sure if many of the points raised were generalisations based on individual cases or not; I'm not a psychologist, I haven't studided the topic. I did watch the documetary 'Watching the Friedmans' though and the sense of detachment on the part of the paedophile father was prominent throughout. Like I said it was interesting and it was well written though I don't know why you put it on storiesmania when it seems like you require academic analysis; I usually just make jokes about people's poetry!

[bluebellmittens]

this is just propagandist material that futher alienatates and mythicalises pedophiles. not helpfull for society. not helpfull for victims. why do people insist on writing this?

It seems merely to make themselves feel like 'good' citizens.

[Maud]

The Roots of Mispellings? How does that sound. Its just pathetic when you misspell in the title.

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Dr. Strangelove

The Roots of Mispellings? How does that sound. Its just pathetic when you misspell in the title.

To be fair though Maud...pedophilia/paedophilia...paedophillia is chiefly a British variant of the word.

[Maud]

well now dont I feel like an ass.

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Dr. Strangelove

well now dont I feel like an ass.

Eee-aw .I mean least ur man enough to acknowledge it..not being as stubborn as a mule and tugging your donkey jacket ay?lol

[RENA HANDS]

Informative most definitely. I agree with JirQuest, identify all sources. When I attended university, they would have never accepted a paper without labeled resources. The comparison with autistic children seemed like a low blow.

[headintheclouds]

That made interesting reading, however I couldnt help but feel uncomfy while reading it. I think the idea of Paedophiles is something that scares us all, so it was interesting and yet the subject matter made me want to stop reading at the same time.

Good work.

[jennai]

As a parent of child victimized by a Paedophile this story has accurately described the personality and characteristics of a Paedophile. It is the best written essay I have seen to date describing this perversion. Those critiscising this author need to stop dismissing the actions of sick, twisted, Paedophiles instead of doing an Ostrich, putting head into sand in the hope they don't have to face the truth. It is because of such dismissals that ultimately enabled the Paedophile who abused my child to continue his his abuse for many years before being apprehended and imprisoned.

[Ferris]

Well written, I think.

Informative and though not an expert in Psychology, I know that it fits into what we see and hear on TV (Not always the best medium for information).

Clearly there is a lot of insight into what you have written, and for such data means you have a strong stomach; I for one wouldnt touch the subject with a barge pole through fear of inciting conflicting and strong emotional opinions (I am of the opinion that this sort of thing needs to be drawn to light; just because you dont hear of it doesnt mean its not happening).

A very brave soul you are! :s