How Elephants Got Their Trunks - StoriesMania - short stories, poems, essays, scripts and online fiction

ilovetowrite112 · #1 (**permalink**) 07-04-2005, 12:35 PM

Long ago, there lived an elephant named Ele who loved long things. His favorite story was Pinocchio. He admired cats tails. Some days he would just stare at trees with their long trunks. The thing that bothered Ele was that his nose was small and scrawny. One day, while Ele was walking in the tall grass, he saw an antelope stuck in a trap. Ele jumped on the trap and it snapped open. The antelope then transformed from an antelope to a bright colored wizard. The wizard was very grateful to Ele and surely showed it. He then said that because of Ele's kindness, he would grant him one wish. Ele thought very hard about this, maybe the hardest he had in his life. Soon he decided what the best use of the wish would be. He then wished that all elephant's noses were huge. Ele called these noses trunks because it reminded him of one on a tree. Ele was delighted.

**Lubesh** · #2 (**permalink**) 11-04-2005, 06:49 AM

That was very well done a good, original idea/

Lost Snail · #3 (**permalink**) 11-04-2005, 07:13 AM

The way in which he got his trunk was, but the title or concept wasn't because 'How The Elephants got their Trunk' was one of my favourite childhood books!

**Lubesh** · #4 (**permalink**) 12-04-2005, 04:05 AM

Coincidence probably.

Lost Snail · #5 (**permalink**) 12-04-2005, 04:15 AM

oh, i'm not implying anything, don't worry, i doubt it was even published in the states
(assuming thats where she's from)
((assuming it's a she))
(((i think i make too many assumptions)))

#6 (**permalink**) 27-05-2005, 02:03 PM

i think it needs a lot of improvement. sry but itz not good enough. good effort though.

rjd_39 · #7 (**permalink**) 08-08-2005, 07:55 PM

nice plot

Peppy · #8 (**permalink**) 05-01-2006, 06:22 AM

This is an awesome little folklore.

Darkened1 · #9 (**permalink**) 07-01-2006, 10:13 AM

I also think it needs a lot of work, nice first attempt but it is too informative for my taste, of course, I'm not a child. Maybe try to show the reader not tell 'im, eh?

Iggster · #10 (**permalink**) 07-01-2006, 03:27 PM

I knew it! I love stories like that, haha

Storiesmaniac · #11 (**permalink**) 07-01-2006, 09:46 PM

Interesting, short and effective. Perfect for chicldren.

Evrviglnt · #12 (**permalink**) 27-01-2006, 12:37 AM

One thing I'd change - He doesn't wish all elephant noses were huge, he wishes all elephant noses were long, so that they could pick the fruit from the tallest trees or spray water on that part of their back no one can ever reach. If you put something in there about him wanting to reach something that was out of his reach, and then maybe wandering away frustrated only to find an antelope in a trap, then you have set up the wish.

Ravane · #13 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostsnail

oh, i'm not implying anything, don't worry, i doubt it was even published in the states
(assuming thats where she's from)
((assuming it's a she))
(((i think i make too many assumptions)))

Shouldn't it be I assume I make to many assumptions? lol This was a great story. Keep writing. Also be more descriptive about how he found the canteloupe, I mean antelope.

lol otherwise, it's very nice. good job!

Ravane · #14 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 05:53 AM

My review on mechanics wasn't exact. I scrolled down and messed it up. It was an accident. Sorry.

Showstopper · #15 (**permalink**) 23-07-2006, 02:57 AM

Nice children's story. I think with a few pictures and whatnot, it could make a pretty good kids book. It's also positive and kinda inspirational for little kids. Awesome job

osofoaddo · #16 (**permalink**) 22-08-2007, 03:59 AM

Beautiful folktale and very well told.I am sure young people and even adults will love it.

alloallo3 · #17 (**permalink**) 23-08-2007, 11:27 AM

Yes,
they publish the Just So Stories in the U.S. I grew up with them. But it's a nice story -- and using quotes for titles is more than okay, it's respected. The entire works of shakespeare have been virtually repeated in titles.

I say bravo. Let's hear more.

lizmarienv · #18 (**permalink**) 25-08-2007, 02:21 AM

Cute. I could see this as a childrens book with very whimsical pictures

tulasi · #19 (**permalink**) 25-10-2007, 04:59 PM

That was very short and sweet..

I think all children will enjoy stories like this...

Timmay · #20 (**permalink**) 26-10-2007, 08:58 AM

HE'S LYING. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ELEPHANTS GOT THEIR TRUNKS FROM A GIRAFFE MAKING LOVE TO A PIG!

lol. good story

tehzombie · #21 (**permalink**) 30-10-2007, 06:49 AM

It was a bit short to me, and I'm not a very big fan of Children's Literature.

I however could not write for the child's mind, and I think your story was appealing to all ages, nice little tale. Good job on it however!

feltfirefox · #22 (**permalink**) 31-10-2007, 07:47 PM

There is a nice idea here. However, because it is so short we have no time to feel sympathy/empathy for the character. Also, it is very rigid structurally (this happened then this...then this), meaning it lacks the freshness or fanciful feel the idea needs to make it come to life.

Billbailey · #23 (**permalink**) 29-03-2008, 09:17 AM

I don't like it, I think it's the wizard part I didn't like.