[desiraejones333]

"I should have known that all that racket was coming from you two!" The voice laughed
"Brent? What are you doing here?" Jessica laughed back embracing the tall, hansom figure
"Well I was coming to see my two favorite sisters, why else," Brent laughed, "Speaking of two sisters, where is the other one?"
Lindsay came out from behind the counter. She hid there because of the scare. When she realized who he was she came running out and gave the biggest hug to her 20-year-old brother.
"Why did you come so early? It's like 2:30 am!" Lindsay noticed
"Well I did come at l1, but everyone was asleep, so, not wanting to wake everyone up, and not wanting to go back home at that time, I found the extra key that you guys hid, oh so well," Brian replied sarcastically, " then crashed on the couch."
"I'm so sorry I woke you, or rather we, but we didn't know you were here." Jessica apologized
"Don't worry about it, I'm up now aren't I," Brent laughed still holding the younger girl in his arms, "so, what are you making there?" Brent asked pointing at the kettle now boiling over
"Hot chocolate." Jessica answered trying to clean up the mess
"Hot chocolate at this time?" Brent questioned almost sounding like a parent
"Well, Lindsay had a hard time sleeping, so we thought we'd have chocolate and watch a movie until she fell asleep." Jessica explained
"You couldn't sleep either!" Lindsay piped up
Jessica nudged her sister in the arm.
"Ouch." Lindsay whined rubbing her arm
"Brent, want to join us?" Jessica asked sweetly
"Yes, please Brent, stay please!" Lindsay begged
" And miss an opportunity to spend with you two," Brent laughed, " Not a chance in the world!"
"Cool, this will be fun." Jessica laughed excitedly
"Alright you guys go pick a movie, I'll finish the hot chocolate and bring it to you guys." Brent insisted pushing the two girls out of the kitchen
The two girls went to the living room and looked through their huge stack of movies. They both agreed that Shrek 2 would be a good choice. When Brent came back into the living room the girls had already started the movie, he put the drink down and sat between the two girls. They sat close together drank their hot chocolate and laughed at the movie. Near the end of the movie they all fell asleep, Brent laying down with either girl on either side of him.
They looked really cute together, even if the didn't really look like family. The girls with fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes, and Brent with tanned skin dark hair, but the same color eyes. The reason was most likely that they have a different father, but besides their appearances, they were the closet family around. They only thing that broke this close family apart was Brent and Jessica's and Lindsay's father, they never really got a long.
"Oh Taylor, look at them," Mrs. Homes bragged, " Aren't they precious?" Mrs. Homes embraced her husband
Mr. Homes pushed her away, "What is he doing here?" Mr. Homes snapped
"Taylor just look at them for once, doesn't it just touch your heart?" Mrs. Homes questioned
'They only thing that boy is going to touch is the back of my hand if he comes around here again!" Mr. Homes exclaimed waking the sleeping siblings
"Daddy, why are you yelling?" Lindsay complained
"Jessica, take your sister upstairs right this moment," Mr. Homes demanded, "Brent you stay down here, we have to talk."
"Yes dad," Jessica replied with a small sigh, "Lindsay, come with me."
"No! I'm not leaving Brent!" Lindsay cried grabbing a hold of him
"Lindsay," Brent said kneeling to the girls height, " Listen to your dad, I will come and see you before I leave I promise."
The little girl wiped away her tears and took Jessica's hand. They walked slowly upstairs, both very unhappy about their father's decision. While sitting in Jessica's room the girls heard muffled yelling and their mom's cries.
"How could daddy be so mean," Lindsay cried, "He's our brother and he loves us!" Lindsay sobbed hiding her face on her sister's shoulder
"I know Linds, I know." Jessica replied holding the tears back, trying to be strong for her little sister whom she held tight in her arms.
Later on Brent came through the door, the girls looked at him, their eyes red and puffy from crying.
"Hey girls," Brent said trying to be happy, "Please don't cry for me, everything is going to be fine." Brent kneeled in the door way and the girls ran up to him.
For what seemed like forever, Brent held the girls in his strong arms, Jessica even managed to see a single tear roll down him cheek.
"Brent, please don't leave," Lindsay cried breaking the silence, "If you leave now, we'll probably never see you again."
"Don't you say that," Brent snapped, "I'll see you sooner then you think."
Brent took their hands kissed their cheek and moped out the door.
Jessica opened her hand and found a note, opened it and read it aloud to Lindsay.
"I moved, I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn't want to ruin what was happening. My address is 253 Green Avenue. Come see me any time you like. You can also call me at 654-0256, but make sure your dad isn't around; he doesn't want you talking to me. Lindsay, I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but you will understand someday and be happy. I love you both, more then anyone in this world. Tell mom I love her too. Talk to you very soon."
-Brent
The girls looked puzzled. "How could they be happy about something that is so horrible?" The two of them embraced each other and cried for a long time. They then decided that tomorrow, after school, was going to be their first visit to Brent's new house. First, they had something to take care of.
"Daddy, we have a question for you." Lindsay replied looking into her father's eyes. They didn't get their eyes from their father, but their mother.
"What is it girls?" Mr. Homes snapped
"Why do you treat Brent so terribly? He is out brother, and whether you like it or not, he loves us and we love him. Mom, Linds and I are his only close family, and you are depriving him of us. If you ask me that's not fair at all." Jessica argued out of breath
"I do not appreciate that tone in your voice young lady!" Mr. Homes growled
Instead of Jessica getting scared, she simply yelled back, "Well I don't appreciate the way you treat our brother, and your wife's son!" Knowing that she did something wrong, she pulled her sister up the stairs stomping all the way.
That night, at diner, there wasn't a word spoken. The once happy family was now depressed and unhappy.
The dreams came back that night, the flashing lights and faces and the screams.
"Jessica, wake up please! Jess!" Lindsay yelled
"What's wrong Linds?" Jessica asked
"I can't sleep again, can I sleep in your bed?" Lindsay asked
"Sure, climb in." Jessica laughed lifting the covers
The little girl climbed in and almost instantly fell asleep. The nightmares stopped and Jessica could finally sleep through the night.

[Evrviglnt]

Desirae - You've got a talent for dialogue, but if it's a story your writing and not a script, tell us more about what your characters are thinking, where they are at when they do ponder the issues that are so meaningful to them. Brent left? Let's dwell on that a moment! And let's make Mr. Holmes more than just a hard ass! He's daddy - there's got to be something endearing about him! Remember, just like in the real world, characters can't be one dimensional, they are good and bad, they're human!

Don't get me wrong, I read your stuff because I like what you have to say. I just want more of it!

[Peppy]

The dad is such a meany.

Well, all I have to say is the words need to be correctly fixed, diner to dinner, and the, it doesn't really matter, put a space between paragraphs.

[Seraph]

Overall, it was interesting but a tad bit dull when compared to chapter one. I believe it is the overwhelming dialogue that lacks actions. Still, it is an admirable story you have going here and the hook for this chapter is the reason behind Mr. Homes's dislike/hatred of Brent. Could that be the Hidden Secret the title is referring to?

Onto the technical stuff now-

First, I recommend fixing your spacing. That giant block of words is already hurting my eyes and making me not as eager to read.

Also, there are many more issues with grammar and/or spelling compared to Chapter 1:
1) There should be a period after the first sentence.

2) 'hansom' is 'handsome'

3) There is an overwhelming lack of periods. Is it a computer error or human error?

4) When Brent came back into the living room the girls had already started the movie, he put the drink down and sat between the two girls.
- A semi-colon should replace the comma or a new sentence should start at 'he'.

5) "They looked really cute together, even if the didn't really look like family. The girls with fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes, and Brent with tanned skin dark hair, but the same color eyes. The reason was most likely that they have a different father, but besides their appearances, they were the closet family around. They only thing that broke this close family apart was Brent and Jessica's and Lindsay's father, they never really got a long."
- In who's opinion did they look really cute together? Yours or someone else's? Show not tell! The second sentence is also kind of like a fragment. In the third sentence, you changed tenses. 'Have' is present tense. You should have used 'had'. 'Closet' should be 'closest'. And I recommend a semi-colon after 'father' in the last sentence.

6) "...Jessica even managed to see a single tear roll down him cheek."
- 'His' cheek, right?

7) "He is out brother, and whether you like it or not, he loves us and we love him."
- 'our brother' right?


Suggestions:
1) "Well I was coming to see my two favorite sisters, why else,"
- Since he was already there, I think he'd say, "Well, I came to see my two favorite sisters. Why else?"

2) Jessica nudged her sister in the arm.
"Ouch." Lindsay whined rubbing her arm
- A nudge shouldn't hurt. An elbow would hurt. And the use of 'arm' in both sentences would sound better off if another word substituded one of the 'arm's.

3) " And miss an opportunity to spend with you two," Brent laughed
- I recommend considering a revision in that sentence. It is understandable, just a bit awkward.

4) How did Brent know that the two were going to watch a movie? They never told him!

5) "Brent took their hands kissed their cheek and moped out the door."
- Uh... clarify please?

6) "'How could they be happy about something that is so horrible?'"
- Why is this sentence in quotes?

One other thing about this chapter is that it seemed a bit rushed. The lack of spacing inbetween dialogue makes it hard to read and sometimes confusing and difficult to get back on track if the reader mistakenly skips a line. Just something to think about. Well, thanks for writing this chapter. It was a nice read.

[Deavlynn]

I'm struggling a little with the time of day and the settings. This conversation seems like it's taking place in a bright sunny kitchen and not at 2am. Didn't Brent get wet in the storm? At what time do the parents come into this scene? Have the kids been asleep a long time on the couch? What wakes the parents? I'd like some more details because it's a little disorienting.

I like the characters and the dialog. It's a good start.