[katofmystery]

This is and adventure of two wood nymphs living in their village called Poak. Enjoy!


Gazing at the stars above, the crickets and the toads made music beneath the huge canopy of the trees that surrounded our cluster named Poak. I sat atop a pine tree and listened to the music, gazed at the sea of stars above me. It took my breath away. It is unusual for a wood nymph like me to be stargazing, but I can't help it. I love the way they twinkle and wink, never ceasing.

"Zuby? Zuby, you up there?" my best friend, Taz Jesic, called from below. "Zuby I found the coolest place, please come see it."

"Alright, I'll come, but couldn't it wait till daylight?" replied not hiding my grumpiness, and slipping down the tree.

"No, you'll love it!" Noting the amusement in his voice didn't make me hurry up. He, like everyone else in Poak, didn't think it healthy to be stargazing, and he thought of me as slightly odd.

When I reached the bottom of the tree, he grabbed my hand and started towing me off to our mystery destination. "You'll love it, even my breath was taken away," declared Taz.

He towed me away from the few lights that were burning in Poak and towards a place that he had been exploring for the last few dawns. He stopped me suddenly, and told me to close my eyes.

I closed my eyes and took his hand in mine; I stumbled once or twice over a loose stone. He pulled me to a stop and gently said, "Open your eyes, Zub."
I found myself staring at an open sky and standing near the edge of a cliff. I gasped aloud at the beauty of the scenery and wonderful view of my twinkling friends in the sky. My winking friends seemed to shine brighter just for this moment and just for me. I brought my hands to my chest and took a step closer.

"It's so... so magnificent!!" I declared. I spun in delight and jumped for pure joy. It was so amazing, I couldn't properly thank Taz for bringing me here, I merely ran to him and hugged him declaring, "Thank you Taz! It's wonderful!"

He seemed surprised that I hugged him and muttered, "Your welcome." He patted my back oddly and I felt a weird sensation down my back and pulled myself from him and sat on the edge of the cliff, and once again marveled at my twinkling, shining friends.

He came and sat down near me, gazing at the stars in silence. I knew he must be thinking about something, but about what, I was clueless. I began to hum a song that our cluster sometimes sang when we gathered. It was a song about spring and summer, and life and death. We called things like that "spif spof."

Come and go,
New and old.
Come and go,
Heat and cold.
Come and go.

Taz sang with me, adding his deep, earthy voice to my light and airy voice. A shooting star soared across the sky, applauding our song.

"Dawn's in an hour," Taz suddenly said, but I knew the time too, we can feel it deep down in us. "I'd like a little rest before daylight comes."

I stretched my arms out and yawned in response. I was tired. Last dawn was the last time I truly rested. We stood up and made our way to Poak. At the edge of the clearing; I gave the stars one last glance, then hurried after Taz.

At the edge of Poak, he turned to me and asked, "Shall I walk to your cluster?"

"No, that's okay. You rest all the way at the other end of Poak. It's okay if I walk to my trees alone, it's not that..." screech owl hooted somewhere nearby. Somewhere an animal was falling prey to the owl. I shuddered and started walking to my family's cluster of trees, to home.

I heard Taz follow me all the way to the birch trees that I live under. I turned around to say goodnight, but he was nowhere in sight. "Good night Taz," I muttered to the pine and oak trees surrounding our home. "Thank you."

I turned back to the birch trees and turned over a rock that covered the snake-like tunnel to our home. I went down into the pitch black hole a little ways, then turned around and laid the rock back in its place. I slid down the tunnel like a poisonous cobra and at the end, reached a welcoming, spacious space. We lived in this wonderful room; well at least we slept here. There were roots over head that signified that we were beneath the birch tree.

All the family, with the exception of me, was fast asleep; gently laid against the firm roots that made up the walls. I could tell my younger sister, Robin, just got to sleep because her hair was neatly clinging to her face. Mother and Father slept on one side of the room, and my brothers, Roc and Kay, Robin, and I slept where we desired.

I quickly dozed off and was awoken at dawn by a tremendous yawn from Robin, whom I always slept near. Roc and Kay were already gone, but it was no surprise to me, they usually left slightly before dawn.

Mother and Father were just now waking. As they did Father commented, "Feels as though there will be warm daylight today dear." Then turning to me said, "Stargazing again Zuby? Or were you out with Taz?" He said his name with disgust, but with slight respect Taz was a white oak nymph.

"Both. He showed me the most wonderful place! I replied not veiling my bliss.

"Just remember dear...," Father started, but Mother interrupting saying, "We just want you to be happy that's all Zuby. We don't see much of a future for you with a white oak nymph."

"Yes," Father agreed. "Why not think about looking into that Makaust fellow? His family has more than one sleeping room! Three was the last number I think. He even donated...,"

Ew! I thought as Father droned on. Makaust was too proper he wouldn't let me so much as think of the shining stars, much less look at them. Anyways, he likes that feather-head girl named Crapoke. They were having a healthy relationship the last time I saw them. I then wondered what Mother and Father would say if we were all humans. Humans might be meaner than nymphs are. That's what the elders say.

Robin injected into Father nonsensical droning by saying, "Makaust is with Crapoke, Father. I saw them with locked lips in a gathering of trees. They look so cute together.

"That's quite enough of that Robin Rose!" and turning to me said, "You should consider a smaller nymph than Taz. He could drop you in a leaf fall if he wanted to. Then you would wilt from the eyes with tears, we are only trying to protect you."

"Mother, he's just my friend. Other nymphs think that I'm strange because," I looked down at my feet fighting back tears, "Because I like to look at the stars."

Robin, about to leave the room by the roots said, "You are strange, you silly!" She left when Mother started to glare at her.

"Dearest," Father said referring to Mother. "We're supposed to go. Remember the meeting in the ceremonial cluster? To decide the... Well."

"Yes, just a leaf fall. Zuby, you are no stranger than I was, you are just like I was. I loved the stars, you just need to remember that the stars are up there, and it's here that you need to be. You are just one nymph dear." She kissed me on my forehead, and melted away with Father.

I called out to the vast openness of the sleeping room, "How can I be in Poak, when only Taz has treated me kinder than my parents have?" I waited for an answer that never came, and sadly left the cozy room.

It was really quite a rush leaving by going through the tree. You travel through their veins on a wild ride, and at the end, you end up coming forth from a leaf. Then, if you're caught off-guard, you fall to the ground. I caught myself before I fell too far down and jumped into a neighboring pine tree.

Sitting in the middle of the tree, I gazed at the wood nymphs that were gathering in front of different clusters of trees. All wood nymphs have a dark complexion and are usually tall. Everyone has their own personallities and usually enjoy talking about different subjects, but one thing everyone was talking about today was the game of Zath that was to take place in a few days time.

"I wonder which team will get Zuby Rose?" I heard one group mutter as they stole a glance up at me. "She's really good at playing Zath!" I heard another group whisper.

This is just a little of my story, there is still much more for me to write, but what do you think of it so far? Thanks for reading my story! Have a great day!

[Evrviglnt]

Forest folklore is fascinating to me, and so your story on wood nymphs is interesting to read. You seem to have a good understanding of them, and have created a blossoming world for them to live in. I look forward to reading more of this story.

One thing - don't be afraid to use that thesaurus - you have so much to describe in your world, don't get stuck using ' spacious space ' when you have a so many ways to describe the wide open area she drops into.

[RENA HANDS]

What about saying…Now! (Then show some movement of Taz).

You’ll love it!

(Then more movement).

What about saying…

When I reached the bottom of the trunk,

(and possibly show some imagery of this tree).

Are you combining these two sentences…

I closed my eyes

I found myself

… if so then the spacing is off.

I think one (!) would be enough to show whatever purpose the (!) serves. But don’t worry about it either too much, many writers do it.

I think it should be…You’re welcome and not (Your welcome).

What about saying to eliminate so many ‘ANDs,'

He patted my back in unfamiliar manner; chills were sent down my spine so I pulled back and sat on the edge of the cliff. Once more the beauty, marvel of my twinkling, shining friends

(Or something similar to show at one moment she is surprised by Taz, but even more she is in awe of her friends).

What about combining…

In an exhausted state or dazed state; I stretched out my arms and yawned.

(Took a few words, but added consider it or not).

Possibly show more actions of Taz as she explains he doesn’t need to follow her home?

Possibly describe the variations of ‘screech’ as the prey finds its way into the owl’s stomach? Also you showed that Zuby ‘shuddered’ so show why the screams distracted.

Possibly…

I heard Taz as he followed me home under the birch trees?

Do nymphs mutter in this instance, why not say ‘whisper’ and show the leaves, branches swaying as her voice travels outward.

Possibly…

I returned to (my) birch tree and turned over a rock that (concealed) my snake-like tunnel to our home.?

Who else lives in this tree?

You are describing a ‘cobra sliding into a tunnel,’ then show sounds of a shimmering/constricting body(in this case her wings gliding against the inner core of the tunnel, splintering, falling debris).

Possibly rewrite the whole ‘sleep scene’ starting first with her walking in on Roc and Kay slumbering in one corner. Robin where he siestas with an abandoned area that shows signs of your position there. Then illustrate as you move towards your bed, Robin sleeping with her hair clinging to her face?

You missed an ending quote after ‘Both.’

What are Father and Mother doing exactly because you could show more action and dialogue, interrupting dialogue between them and Zuby?

What were Makaust and Crapoke doing that humans might be doing?

Why does suddenly being human matter?

I think you mean…

Robin (interjected) into Father(‘s) nonsensical droning by saying, ?

You mentioned earlier or referred back to Makust’s relationship with Crapoke so would they really just be ‘cute together?’ Perhaps a little bit more on the ‘intimate?’

You could describe in more detail why it’s a ‘wild ride’ through the veins of the tree. Then the harshness of fall onto the cold, coarse…something ground.

Possibly show or later show more about these ‘wood nymphs.’ And their individual or grouped personalities. Show also the variety of the physical features of these ‘wood nymphs.’

To take away from the ‘ending’ bold…This is just a little of my story,…I thought it was a part of the original write. And yes, this story makes for a very interesting read. I will rate the whole after you have written out its middle and end.

[katofmystery]

thanks for all that editing. . . i wrote it about three years ago when i didn't know as much about writing. . . it was my first piece. . . i had big hopes for it but i think that i read it too many times because it got old and i never have finished it. . . maybe one day i'll take it back out and rewrite it again because i've rewritten it once already but in third person. . .

anyways thanks for taking time out of your day and correcting it for me!!!

[Vorcla]

Charming and cute, kat. This is your first piece? You had to be, what. 13 or 14 years old? That was good work for someone that age. Nice job.

[katofmystery]

My first not too bad piece. . . My first piece was a Little Mermaid Story. . . I was six or seven when I wrote it, but yeah I was about 14 I think. . . Thanks so much Rick!

[timtornado3721]

Everyone has their own personallities and usually enjoy talking about different subjects, but one thing everyone was talking about today was the game of Zath that was to take place in a feew days time.

Just one spelling error, feew should be few.

So far the story seems to start a little slow but that should pick up when the conflict of the story starts. Over all it has that cute fairytale feel with the nymphs.