[RENA HANDS]

Synopsis: A simple story of an adoption.

There are millions of adoption stories. These interracial adoption stories come from all over the world. This is one of those stories. This story tells how I came to be in the United States.

I was born in a country of billions. I was born in India. I lived; I slept, I awoke, I played, and I prayed in an Indian orphanage for the first five years of my life.

I did not know of a world outside of the orphanage.

"This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called 'woman,' for out of her 'her man' this one has been taken!"

The words burned into my childish mind and have remained there since.

Sister Mary had appeared to me as I was completing my prayers. "I have come to inform you that tomorrow you will leave India and go to America."

"What?" I screamed.

Sister Mary had sat beside me in the church bench; she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a comforting hug. Sister Mary also had kissed my forehead.

I had wiped my tears. "What, why do I have to leave?"

Sister Mary had looked deep into my eyes. She said, "An American woman would like to adopt you and bring you to her home in the United States."

I cried more. "I will not leave."

"I will tell you that in the United States, you will be very happy and much loved," said Sister Mary. "You will have your own bed, you will have your own clothes and you will have a new mother. You will go to school and someday you may even to college."

I smiled and wiped away my tears.

I did not sleep at all that night.

I awoke the next morning, had breakfast with Sister Mary and I said goodbye to my friends.

We arrived at the city airport early in the morning.

We waited for hours and hours.

"All passengers boarding."

Sister Mary had kissed my forehead and gave me a big hug.

"I will love you forever," she said.

I boarded the plane with the flight lady. I sat in the very first seat of the plane.

I had fallen asleep as soon as I took my seat. I had an ear infection and the doctors gave me some drugs that made me very sleepy.

I awoke and went to the airplane window. I saw the Statue of Liberty; she was light green, very tall and she was standing in the water.

"You must come back into your seat so that we can land," said the flight lady.

"Will I see her again?"

"Yes, I am certain that you will see her again soon."

I waited at the gate with the flight lady. We waited one hour more.

"What is this white stuff falling from the sky?"

"It is snow," explained the flight lady. "Soon you will be able to make your very own snowman, but first we must get you to your new home."

I turned around and there stood a very tall lady. I hid behind the flight lady.

I stepped out behind the flight lady and looked up at my new mother. "Please, do not be afraid of me. I am your mother," she said.

"This is my teddy bear, this teddy bear was given to me by my mother when I was just a little girl," she smiled at me.

I smiled at her. I took her hand, she took mine and together we left the airport.

Rena Hands January 2007

[Peppy]

Very, very simple indeedy. There was a lack of description for childrens' literature, but who knows where it would have led if you kept on adding to it? For some little girl, she rarely had insight on her surroundings such as the weather in winter and the questions most children ask, and trust me, children ask a lot of questions or have their own secret "voice"in telling things. That's my opinion, don't really know if that helps you. PS, I fixed some of your errors, there were only two that I could find, really tired to find something else.

[Evrviglnt]

Yes, the premise is good and so much can be done with this story. You can draw a picture of the world the girl comes from by letting her tell us what she likes or dislikes about her surroundings, etc. Other literary vehicles can also be used to differentiate between where she is and where she's going. Strike a contrast and you will find there is much you can tells us that will make the character more lifelike.

[ejenk21]

You have aroused my interest. This appears to be autobiographical. You might indicate if that is true. If so, it will automatically add to my interest because it is about a real human being.

However, there is not enough here to sustain interest. You would have to add some further background about your life in India, and much more about what happened here in America. This little episode is not enough to be satisfying.

You are entitled to make this completely fictional, as you may have already done. You can make the little girl into a child movie star if you want, or anything else. It just needs more about her.

I also did not get the significance of the Eve reference. It seems out of place.

[RENA HANDS]

The story, it is my own. The story is an actual account of how I came to be in the United States. I wanted the story to tell a story that many adoptee could relate with. I came to the US on the Eve of Thanksgiving 1985.

[spinx]

Touching story I like it.

[ManthaStoirmeil]

It's a good premise for a children's story, aqnd if you found a good illustrator, especially one that got the angle of vision from the child's-eye height for some of it, it could be very engaging. Certainly there are plenty of children who have these experiences (I'm a teacher in New York, and more than half my students are immigrants or the children of immigrants), and plenty more who don't, but would be richer for knowing about what happens to other kids in the world.

I agree with the comments that have been made here. This can stand to be longer and have more images in it -- all the senses, not just vision. It would make a nice picture book. You will have limits with the length of a picture book, so I think you would need to pick, say, eight or ten "scenes" that you develop text around, like little episodes, that make a story arc from there (India) to here (America). You have the seeds of a good one in the Statue of Liberty image.

ejenk21 has a good question -- why is the biblical quotation so important to the child that it is burned into her mind? I'm not saying it's not important -- but it is kind of hanging there and does not develop into anything. Kid stories need things to make sense.

I hope you do write this more fully. You have the emotional awareness to really make it sing, since it is your story.

True it is simple, but it is good. Well I think so. Is this your story??

[Seraph]

I echo all others: it is simple. There is just one point I'd like to... contest.

During one part of the flight from India to the United States, every sentence started with the word "I". Maybe you could switch up some words to make it less similar, a little more diverse.

Other than that, I applaud. Well written, literally short and sweet.

[Azza]

The theme of the story is touching and interesting...but as the others said, it lacks describitn. You could have added more details about the orphantage and your life there. Was the place dear to you?
You can compare that to your new setteling in America. Comparison can give a clearer picture of your previous and recent sentiments and behaviour.
Good luck

[lizmarienv]

I think that your story was wonderful. I'm glad to read a chilrens story about something other than a purple elephant, lol, thought I love those too. I would love to see this story go with picutres.

[Deavlynn]

Great subject matter. I think it needs a little more development. Maybe a stronger description of what it felt like to leave the orphanage and your friends.