[Keplaz]

A figure dressed in black sprinted noiselessly into the night towards a small semi-detached house. The sky was pitch black as ponderous storm clouds hovered menacingly over the ground, there was no moon and the intruder, so it seemed had chosen the perfect night to make his move. The streets were deserted which would have been almost obvious at 2 O'clock in the morning but in this part of London certain people never went to sleep, and the threat of the storm was what was keeping them at bay.

The man took a long look behind him, peering intently into the shadows. His eyes were useless on a night like this and he was relying entirely on his ears to get him safely through the night. He blended perfectly with the darkness, his black clothing making him almost invisible. He listened for just over five minutes and when he was satisfied no one had followed him, he moved swiftly towards the house he intended to visit. He knew he didn't have much time to do what he had come for, they would soon be behind him and this particular mission was far too important to end now.

A solitary street lamp at the end of the road provided the only light for miles, the rest of them had long been destroyed by the hooligans who lived nearby. It was almost impossible to see the door numbers in the darkness but this intruder had done his homework well. He knew the colour of the door, what it was made off and even that number 36 was the only house in the street with a bell that worked.

Number 36 Darwin Avenue didn't look any different to the numerous other houses that lined the street; in fact all the houses were identical from the outside. They all had brown mahogany doors, with the house number engraved in gold, they all had the same uniform yellow paint, and these houses had no identity of their own. This neighbourhood was one of the rougher parts of London and had this man been caught trying to break in, he would be long dead before his body ever got to the police, the residents of Drapers Park did not deal amiably with thieves.

Number 36 however, was very different from the inside; for one thing a young boy lay awake in bed. For some reason he could not fall asleep. He had tried everything he knew to get some rest, his body was tired but his mind had other ideas. He had opened his bedroom window a little wider tonight, he was feeling hot and flustered, and he had hoped maybe if he got cooler he would be able to fall asleep at last. He could sense that something was about to happen that night, at least so his mind kept telling him. That was another thing about Jamie for that was the boy's name, strange things were always happening to him, and the strangest yet though he had no way of knowing was about to happen now.

The man outside the house took a deep breath and jumped silently with cat-like precision on to the drainpipe outside number 36. The drain pipe was made of iron; it was thin and coloured red by a thick layer of rust and ran all the way up to the roof of the house. He had watched Number 36 Darwin Avenue for almost two weeks now and he knew without a doubt that there would be an open window just after midnight; he was well acquainted with Jamie Shields' sleeping problems. In fact he knew virtually everything about him. He had to. Jamie Shields was their final hope and time was no longer on their side. The man crept up the drain pipe which groaned slightly as he inched his way upwards. He was a small man by normal standards and the drain pipe would not crumble under his weight until he had reached his target. He started moving quickly as he got closer to the window and he looked down anxiously, there was still no sign of trouble but he knew he had to move even quicker for he had no doubt that trouble would soon be there.

People in Drapers Park rarely got robbed for even the most desperate thief knew better than to enter Drapers Park, it was Gladwell territory and no one wanted those kinds of problems on their hands. It was a sort of reverse security system; as long as you stayed in the area you were guaranteed protection. The Gladwell boys were the most vicious gang in South London and surprisingly though they still lived with their mother at number 35 Darwin Avenue, just next door to Jamie's. There were 7 Gladwells in total and they were brothers. The oldest was about 35 and the youngest was 15 years old and he also happened to be Jamie's best friend, Oliver. The police had been after them for an eternity but had never managed to pin anything on them. They usually had a hard time finding anyone to testify against the Gladwells, those they found alive were either too scared to speak or died before they could. They were involved in everything you could think of from petty theft and drug dealing to armed robbery and murder. The police now basically just left them to do as they desired as long as long as they stuck to the boundaries of Drapers Park. Drapers Park belonged to the Gladwell boys and everyone around knew it, everyone that is except for the man outside who was either stupid, from out of town or both.

Jamie's room was small, it was large enough to fit his bed and his wardrobe but too small to fit anything else in. The room heated up very easily and before long the room would be a blazing inferno and far too hot for Jamie to get to sleep and as a result he often left the window open at night, after all few people dared to walk up Jamie's road during the day let alone at night. Jamie stared at the ceiling, trying to make out the shapes that were engraved on it, trying desperately to fall asleep. He had school the following morning and he knew it would be a struggle to get up. A cool breeze floated in from the window and Jamie's heart suddenly started beating faster, he tried to block all fear from his mind but already his skin was getting prickly as goose bumps appeared, something was about to happen but Jamie had no idea what. Instincts he had only just begun to discover were warning him of something and he had a dull ache in the pit of his stomach.

A dark figure suddenly hurled itself through the window and landed crisply on his bed. Jamie sat up quickly and he was about to open his mouth to scream when a large hairy hand was placed over his mouth. He was suddenly pushed down by a strong hand whilst the other stayed firmly clamped over his mouth. After Jamie was safely pinned down with the man pressing on his body to stop any movement from Jamie's writhing body, the man began to speak.

"Do not be alarmed Jamie Shields, I am not here to harm you." He whispered with a slight bow.

Jamie's heart was now pounding painfully in his chest. He knew he should be afraid of this man but somehow he wasn't. His instincts were going crazy, something still wasn't right.

-Don't scream when I remove my hand Jamie, I mean you no harm. I have an important message for you, you have to trust me. I need you to come with me"

The stranger spoke with an air of urgency, he spoke quickly as if he had no time at all. He eased himself off Jamie's chest and sat cross legged at the end of the bed. There was too little light for Jamie to see his eyes but they seemed to blazing. The stranger looked out the window and breathed an audible sigh of relief. He was worried.

Jamie sat up on his bed staring at the man he could barely see, he knew the sensible thing was to shout for help, but the intruder didn't seem dangerous. The intruder seemed to be afraid of something and he kept looking outside the window as if he was expecting someone to jump through it at any moment. Jamie did what his mum had always told him to do; he shut the window and made a note in his head never to argue with his mother again.

"Ok then, what's going on here? We are not really rich you know, so there's no point in kidnapping me" Jamie finally said, his voice was hoarse and shaky.

"I'm not trying to kidnap you Jamie, my people need you. We are wasting time; we need to be going right now." The man said softly.

Jamie's instincts were going mental. His heart was racing and a little voice inside him was warning him that he wasn't safe. He knew the man in front of him wasn't dangerous he could just feel it but yet his pulse rate was increasing. He was fully in control of the situation, if he pressed 1 on his mobile phone, Oliver would know something was wrong and within minutes the whole Gladwell clan would be over. Oliver Gladwell's number was on Jamie's speed dial and the mobile phone was under his pillow, he knew he should have dialled the number the instant the stranger leapt in, but something about the man's manner had instantly put him at ease. Why did he feel he knew a man he had never met before?

"Going where? What do you need me for?" he asked, his voice betraying his curiosity.

"Jamie it's a long story, I promise to tell you all of it but we really need to go." the man was almost begging.

If Jamie could have seen his face properly he would have noticed the deep frown lines that had just appeared on the stranger's weather beaten face. The stranger sounded sincere and Jamie again suddenly felt he knew him from somewhere, he hadn't seen his face and all he'd heard of voice was a whisper but somehow he sensed he could trust him.

"I'm sure you mean well but you probably have the wrong house, you can just leave now and I'll forget all about it. Stranger things have happened; this is Drapers Park after all." Jamie said casually to the man, trying to be brave even though his body was beginning to shake. Danger was in the air and Jamie didn't like it.

"Look, Jamie, I've got the right house and the right boy. Where you not born on March 29 1991? And how about that birth mark on your arm, or don't you have one?" the stranger remarked impatiently.

Jamie gasped in amazement.

"How could you have known..." he began to protest but he never finished his sentence as the stranger launched at him and knocked him to the ground. The window next to Jamie shattered into a million pieces as an object hurtled into the room.

"Move Jamie!!" the stranger shouted as he half picked Jamie and carried him into the corridor with strength that defied his small frame. Just seconds later there was a deafening sound and a huge blinding light from behind them.

Jamie was speechless as the stranger half carried him and half dragged him down the stairs towards the front door.

"I was afraid of this" the stranger mumbled to himself.

Jamie was expecting the whole neighbourhood to be awake from the noise but surprisingly his mum didn't even stir. If his dad had stirred it would have been a minor miracle, Darren Shields hadn't moved a muscle for over 4 months; he was deathly ill. Jamie was sure that someone had thrown a grenade but he couldn't smell any smoke. The intruder was stronger than he looked, for a man who was so slightly built he was extremely powerful. Jamie's instincts were now working over time but the fear he had felt had disappeared, he felt calm and alert. His body was tense but alert, had he known any better then, he would known that those were the sensations every good soldier felt on the battle field, the problem however was that Jamie was no warrior, he was only 14 years old.

"Wasn't that a grenade?" Jamie whispered as the intruder fumbled with the front door.

"It was but it wasn't." the stranger answered mysteriously, as he peered outside through the barely open front door.

Jamie nudged forward and peeped outside. What he saw made him tremble; now he knew why his instincts had been going crazy, outside his bedroom window were three heavily built men in black holding sinister looking swords in their hands. They were staring at the window debating whether they should climb up or not.

"We need to get to the high street, there's transportation for us from there. But how?" the stranger whispered to Jamie.

The way out was blocked by the men and there was no way to escape without getting caught.

"I have a plan." Jamie whispered and before the stranger could stop him he dashed into the road.

"Jamie, stop!!" the stranger whispered loudly from behind him, he tried to grab him but Jamie was too quick and danced out of his grasp.

Jamie ran into the road, and stopped suddenly by the pavement. The three men in the street may have looked heavily built from a distance but up close they didn't just look big, they were huge. Ripping biceps swelled in the heavy black vests they were wearing. They had tried to blend in by wearing jogging pants and Nike trainers but like the man cowering in the doorway, they were from a time and place more foreign than Jamie could ever know. The men had flowing black hair which had been tied in pony tails and though Jamie couldn't clearly make out their features, they appeared to be grinning menacingly in the moonlight. They suddenly moved much quicker than Jamie would have expected from men with such gigantic frames, blades in the air ready to strike.

Jamie's heart was beating like a piston, what had a seemed like a brilliant plan was losing it's ardour by the second. He feared he may have grossly underestimated his foes. He was only 14 and though he was tall for his age, he stood no chance against what appeared to be three highly trained killing machines. The adrenaline was pumping strongly through his veins and every fibre and muscle in his body was coiled like a tight spring ready to explode. He could feel the fear trying to coarse through his blood but it was shut out by the strongest feeling he had felt in his life. He couldn't describe it if he'd tried to but it was a warm sensation, he felt as if he was glowing. He stepped on to the grass beside the pavement. He had led the giants to the small patch of grass beside the pavement where the cars were parked.

"This is easier than I thought" one of them growled as they got closer.

"Any last words Custos?" another of them spat. He was so close Jamie could almost smell his putrid breath.

Unexpectedly Jamie bent down quickly and picked up a rock before tossing it at a window, which broke with an incredibly loud sound. The men laughed, and started sneering.

"Do you think a broken window will scare us little one? You are nothing like the legend young Custos."

Jamie's heart was still beating quickly but he felt fearless and defiant. Why did they keep calling him Custos? They had the wrong person now he was more than sure. The intruders were getting cocky and didn't even bother to walk quickly. Jamie stayed rooted to the spot, he was waiting for something.

The stranger in the doorway kept watching, even if he had tried to there was no way he could have managed to rescue Jamie, he was a master of combat but the enemy fought dirty, they had no honour and he was outnumbered. He had failed in his mission, he had not thought they would arrive so quickly, he had failed his people and now they was no hope, Jamie Shields would die and soon so would everyone else.

There was a tiny popping sound and one of the goons crumpled untidily onto the ground. The other two were stunned for a second and one of them stared at Jamie who was grinning cheekily. He swiped towards Jamie's head but Jamie had been expecting it and he dove towards the ground.

"Run!" he shouted to the man in the doorway who was only a spectator to the action that was unravelling before his eyes.

There was another popping, phut-phut noise as another of the men dropped dead. The remaining goon spun around quickly and looked behind him. Three burly black men and a teenager stood there. The teenager was wearing blue stripy pyjamas whilst the men were wearing vests and shorts. In their hands they each held a silenced gun except for the teenager who was holding a machete.

Jamie took off down the street running after the stranger; he didn't see the last of the giants join his companions on the tarmac after being struck by a bullet between his eyes. No one caused trouble in Draper's Park, it was Gladwell territory and the giants had learnt that lesson the hard way. The window Jamie had thrown a rock at was Oliver's and Oliver had reacted the way Jamie had hoped he would. The plan had come to his head a lot quicker than he had expected, it was as if he just naturally knew what to do. Jamie was a good runner and he caught up with the intruder who had started running before him quite easily. Jamie was of medium build but even at fourteen he was already getting muscular. He was strong for his age and was already beginning to look like the man he was going to be soon. He was 5 foot 8, and would one day be over 6 foot tall, which is why it had been no small feat for the intruder to carry Jamie from his room.

They jogged in silence as the fracas behind them died down completely. The police would never know about the men who had met their end in Darwin Avenue, their only involvement in the case would come later when Jamie's frantic mother reported her son missing in the morning. After five minutes the stranger slowed down and they started walking towards the high street.

"Who are you and what just happened back there?" Jamie asked eventually.

"My name is Micah." He answered simply.

Jamie stopped abruptly. His face was livid with rage.

"I'm not going further until you answer my question, I could have been killed back there." He fumed.

"Please, young one. Be patient. The Sceli travel in packs, others will follow soon. I'll answer all your questions once we are on our way." Micah said in a calming voice.

Jamie nodded and continued walking as a thousand questions and doubts swarmed through his head.

[Shortstorylover]

I think it was a very interesting short story.. it kept my attention through and through.

[Razor]

I think that this has potential, but I'm not sure you brought it out completely. This is a good start though. The tid-bit about the boy using the gang next door to get rid of the Sciel was a great idea and I like how you kept it realistic that a boy and one man didn't dispose of three huge trained men. The biggest thing holding this story back is brevity of words. There are parts that are too chunky, and sometimes meanings are overstressed like Jamie's size or Mical's strength despite his size. I would suggest trying to reorganize those parts and make them more streamlined.

This is a good piece. Right now it is just a little rough around the edges. With a little work this could be a gem. Good Job.

[angel]

i agree with razor. the egdes need attention. this is a good base but needs building up. good start tho

kel

[a&Ω]

So far I don't see anything really wrong with your story, other than extremely picky things that I might alter just to smooth it out in MY mind, some things I picked out of the story for possible suggestions:

"and the threat of the storm was what was keeping them at bay"---->"and only the threat of the storm kept them at bay"

"peering intently into the shadows"------> "peering intently into the darkness," because if it is pitch black, then there probably wouldn't be a lot of shadows, lol. Sorry that one was more humor than pickiness. If you did change it, maybe then you could change "blended perfectly with the darkness" to "blended perfectly with the shadows," but then I guess that would just cancel out my entire suggestion. Well, something to think about anyway.

"in fact all the houses were identical from the outside" I got confused for just a fraction of a second by this line, would suggest: "in fact from the outside, all the houses were identical" smoother? I don't know.

"he would be long dead before"------>"he would be dead long before"

"was very different from the inside"------->"was very different from the others once inside"

"young boy lay awake in bed"--------"young boy was lying awake in bed"

"about to happen that night"----->"going to happen that night"

I decided to skip down a little bit before making any more picky suggestions. So down the page a little I commence:

-It was but it wasn't." the stranger answered mysteriously, as he peered outside through the barely open front door."-------->-It was but it wasn't." the stranger said. He peered outside through the barely open front door." This one I am just trying to say that instead of adding all the details, just use basic tags, like "he said." Otherwise it takes away from the story, and usually all that other stuff is implied anyway.

Well, I read the rest of your story, and I decided not to be picky anymore. Honestly I liked the story, and other than finite things such as the ones mentioned above I wouldn't change too much, I would just smooth it out a bit. I think you have the gift of the storyteller. Felt like I had to do my best to critique it though.

Good job overall.

[Keplaz]

Thanks so much to everyone who commented. Aspiasu you are a gem. I've got exams and junk right now but afterwards I'll try and do the story justice. Thanks everyone.