[Lubesh]

Lines 1 and 2 in the quoted section might be improved if they had a similar rythym or if you could find two words to describe his hair that rhyme. In the first one there's "round" and "brown", but then "short, golden hair" doesn't exactly fit.

I wasn;taiming for a rhyme mid sentence though so i don't see the need for the descriptive detail here to rhyme. I did change the present to past tens though thanks for spotting that

Also the rhythm at the time i was just starting out and just wrote it as it came but there is always room forimprovement Thanks for taking the time though gemma and glad uliked it....moose ay?....still waiting for my sunflowersto come up....

[Gemma]

As I said, some of it I wasn't sure exactly what it was that was bugging me, but it just seemed a little bit awkward. Over all I really liked it though.

Yup, a moose. We thought it might have been a deer 'cause we had a ton of deer, but it was too high up. Just the flower gone, the stem was still standing straight and about 5 feet tall.

[NervousWriter]

I love that poem its good for kids they will love it so much. the poem doesnt need anything to be added it perfect. you describe how the flower and that what makes it so intresting

[Anonymous]

Cute poem. I got a clear image of what you were writing.

[Lubesh]

Thanksfor that Anonymous.

[CryCandice]

Aw, this is such a cute poem.

I didn't really see anything that needed improvement, it was very nice.

[Lubesh]

Thank you very much.

[Vorcla]

How did I miss this? This is charming and beautiful and perfect. Just wonderful. I can see where kids would love it, because I do, and I'm a kid at heart. Excellent, Lu.

[Lubesh]

Thanks rick it's quite old now lol

[Venomous Vixen]

Hehehe, lay off the drugs, Lu. No, kidding. Seriously this was cute and perfect thoughts for a kid. I like rhyme on you, I remember you saying you shook it off but it is nice, too. Well done

[Lubesh]

Thanks bri...i enjoyed doing these. May get back one day to it.