[Lubesh]

It’s day is over
There’s no water down there
But wind up the bucket
You’ll see wishes appear

They belong to the children
Who as they passed by
Threw down their coins
And looked to the sky

They closed their eyes tightly
And whispered their wish
Of knights on horseback
Of mermaids that swish

The swirls of their wishes
Echo below
Did they come true
Only the children would know

The clink of their coins
Can be heard at night
Cheerful laughter abounds
Exploding to light

The children come back
To collect their dreams
Of swimming with dolphins
And swordfights and it seems

That wishes come true
Every night down the well
Only for children
Throw a coin - who can tell?

[Lubesh]

4 stars thank you

[rjd_39]

enchanting

[Ryankia]

Very good dear. I loved its simpleness and everything. Absolute adorable.

There was one line that got to me though - "Of knights on horseback" didn't really flow well with the rest of the stanza but it didn't affect the poem as a whole, just thought I would be nit-picky

Originally Posted by Ryankia

Very good dear. I loved its simpleness and everything. Absolute adorable.

There was one line that got to me though - "Of knights on horseback" didn't really flow well with the rest of the stanza but it didn't affect the poem as a whole, just thought I would be nit-picky

How about Of knights on horses? or did u mean the whole 'of' thing which i want to change to -

.........their wish
To see knights on horses
And see mermaids that swish

Thanks anyway ry

[Ryankia]

It is just missing a little something...that line.

Perhaps "Of knights on horseback"
Or what you suggested "To see knights on horses" - but I feel even that doesn't flow necessarily well. Just my opinion

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Ryankia

It is just missing a little something...that line.

Perhaps "Of knights on horseback"
Or what you suggested "To see knights on horses" - but I feel even that doesn't flow necessarily well. Just my opinion

Of knights on horseback is what I had in the first place.lol

[Ryankia]

oh dear >< ::ish really losing it:: Ok! That's it! College has already corrupted me! ::dies::

[Verbatim]

I like this poem a lot lubesh. Thank you for sharing.

[Lubesh]

Thanks verbatim very much. And Ry.........*shakes head, put your feet up, cold towel and breath.......in and out and .........lol thanks anyway, not the end of the world, basically.

[Jasunford]

I thought it was great Lubesh. It is quite a treat to revisit childhood and your poem took me there. Wish it were longer.... would like to have stayed a while.... Good work.

[Olga Savvidis]

What a precious little gem; full of colour and magic. You never cease to amaze Lubesh!

Originally Posted by lubesh

It's day is over
There's no water down there
But wind up the bucket
You'll see wishes appear

They belong to the children
Who as they passed by
Threw down their coins
And looked to the sky

They closed their eyes tightly
And whispered their wish
Of knights on horseback
Of mermaids that swish

The swirls of their wishes
Echo below
Did they come true
Only the children would know

The clink of their coins
Can be heard at night
Cheerful laughter abounds
Exploding to light

The children come back
To collect their dreams
Of swimming with dolphins
And swordfights and it seems

That wishes come true
Every night down the well
Only for children
Throw a coin - who can tell?

[Lubesh]

Yes i know, but what about my poem..lol Thank you olga nice to have you back

I really liked this. It was simple, and so poetic. I think we could all use a wish or two.

[Storiesmaniac]

I wish i could write like that. nice work lubesh. very sweet and dream.

[colinbaker62]

I wish I could write like this too ! A poem bursting with charm, that actually steered my mind to the (wishing) well at Caerphilly Castle here in Wales which has been there now for ohhhhhhhhhhh zillions of years. (well, minutes and hours anyway)

[Lubesh]

well thank you colin coming from someone with ur talents and castles makes it worthwhile.lol
someone pulled my leg about our own castle keep here in newcastle......said it wasn't finished!!!!

[Storiesmaniac]

pfft it's not. it's crappy. lol

[Lubesh]

crappy or not its castle....a real castle and watch it you.i hve buttons!!!!!!