[Lubesh]

In my dream, there is a horse
With feathered wing and he flies of course
In the strong winds he flies so high
going far away, way past the sky

His thick, white mane is a sight to behold
On his back sits a saddle that sparkles with gold
His hooves kick out high and very proud
In a flash he bursts back, piercing the cloud

He's come to take me off to explore
The heavens and other sights once more
We see shooting stars and beams of light
Eclipsing moons and spectacles bright

We soar up high and travel the sky
Discovering things we can't see with the naked eye
We dare not stray at all too near
Till morning, at least, I will stay here.

[Vail]

This seems a little deeper than just a description of a horse. It's obviously a metaphor of some type. Anyhow, great description of the horse, I felt like I was there watching this scene play out. I notice you usually use a rhyme scheme in all of your poems, or near-rhymes sometimes. Still it helps maintain flow ridiculously well. I guess I bring this up cause I'd like to see you do a free form work, but Meh whatever. Good Job can only be said so many ways so many times, but I'll say it again. Thanks for sharing.

[Lubesh]

I think all my work rhymes only some are correct in meter etc. I find i seldom write without a rhyming shceme i find it doesnt come easily or even like it that much (the end product) .i think i did one for the patience poem or other special but i stab away but probably will never post them lol But thanks forcommenting and glad u liked this

[superbum]

I like the imagery, and it really makes you feel free.

I'm not good with the meter either.

[Lubesh]

thanks superbum and welcome to stories

[Raider]

i really liked it, the rythmicness of it was cool. It made me feel like i was actually in the clouds ^^

[Kenny Blade]

I have to say I loved this. It is a beautiful description and the rhythmic flow of the piece makes it soar as you read. Look forward to reading more of your work.

[Lubesh]

thanks v much kenny

[jason]

Very beautiful poem. I enjoyed the simplicity of the first line. I'd personally omit the "see" in "seeing things that we can't see with the naked eye" but that's just a mild detail.
Again, very well done.

[Lubesh]

thanks for that jason

[colinbaker62]

I enjoyed this also, and for me, the changing rhythm/meter delivered a sense of movement, (like on horseback?) which enhanced the writing even more. And if it's worth anything to the reader, I rarely try for precise meter or exact rhyme. Such principles I can express in a somewhat plagerized verse but with changed words.

Experimentation, experimentation, experimentation
is what you need, if you're gonna be the best and
if you're gonna beat the rest, oh ho, experimentation's
what you need if you're gonna be a poem writer YEAH!



Well that's what I think anyway.

Colin

[Lubesh]

u watched too much tv..lol

[Gigle]

I really like the colors integrated here. And the rhyme scheme was very good

[Sparx]

Brilliant poem with a great rhyme scheme and a consistent meter. I liked the deeper meaning the poem contains and i like the fact that the poem falses the reader to look at the poem at a deeper context. The imagery is pretty good as well. Thanks for the read, i look forward to reading more.

[Lubesh]

Thank you sparx and welcome to stories...

[Ravane]

Nice work. this is awesome

[Syrah]

OK, lulu... Not only did I like it I mentally segregated individual lines and pictured an illustration that would be perfect for a child's book. Flow was fabulous and the piece real sweet. Love it.

[Lubesh]

Well thanks for taking the time and glad it inspired you.....I had fun with the illustration for this particular poem when i did it I remember....was spoiled for choice