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23-12-2006, 12:35 AM
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Sick
Can't go to school today
Or go outside and play I am feeling quite ill Have a fever and chills Take my temp' and you'll see It's over one O three My nose is all stuffy Eyes are red and puffy I have an awful cough I'm sneezing my head off Got aches from head to toe My tummy hurts, oh no! Had a shot in the butt Fear I'm gonna throw up Throat is scratchy and sore Being sick's such a bore I must do as Mom said I have to stay in bed So pale, tired and weak Guess I'll just go to sleep Last edited by JirQUEST; 24-12-2006 at 06:51 AM. 
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23-12-2006, 02:27 AM
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Re: Sick
aww poor sick kid
the last 2 lines are kinda off from the rest 'So pale, tired and weak Guess I'll just go to sleep' i think its just me but it seems to have a different voice from the rest of the poem
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24-12-2006, 08:11 AM
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Re: Sick
i really like this because it remind me of that shel silverstien poem. you know the one that says something like "my bellybutton's caving in." just kinda made me smile to remember it.
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24-12-2006, 08:22 PM
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Re: Sick
Glad you enjoyed it Nephilim, I always loved those Shel Siverstein poem's too
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08-03-2007, 05:26 AM
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Re: Sick
I disagree with Nluv the last 2 lines are fitting to the poem. The reader is given the beginning of the illness to the last outcome of the illness. I apologize "illness," is the proper word but I think you understand what I mean.
You did not imply that the child had either a cold or flu?? The symptoms: stuffy nose, fever, chills, red eyes? What is the diagnosis here? The poem is very lively and a delight to read regardless of the infirmity.
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20-03-2007, 02:44 AM
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Re: Sick
"Had a shot in the butt. Fear I'm gonna throw up" made me giggle for a good minute.
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20-03-2007, 08:25 AM
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Re: Sick
Love it. The only rough part was the stanza about the shot in the butt. Other than that, cute as hell.
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09-04-2007, 04:06 AM
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Re: Sick
It was a perfect children's poem. It flowed well, and had a bit of humor. Kids would relate to it.
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15-07-2007, 12:39 AM
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Re: Sick
I love it you used lots of creativity and it came from your heart to : )
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11-04-2008, 09:40 AM
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Re: Sick
Is that how they treat colds now? Shots in the butt? Haha.
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30-10-2008, 04:37 AM
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Re: Sick
Ahhh, the dosage is mine to take.
Awe. That was a cute poem, even though it's about a sick child (though it could easily have been about a grown up). It was short and easy to read, like you wanted children to understand so. Not too complex; done nicely like a nursery rhyme but with a realism twist. Good, King.
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