[Eadha Deora]

Darhion rode out with eyes of sea,
to see the world as it could be.
He found the ninth wave, a dew-gemmed brow,
whispers deep of forgotten vows.
He found the fay mound, a dark-papped breast,
wonders down there--ancestral best.
He found the haunt of dwarves and fair elves,
digging in caves, singing in wells.

Darhion rode into other realms,
the trees his ladder, a star his helm,
No more to wander ruins ash-cold
but join the Tales of ageless old.
Lords and labours there cannot abide,
but Myth took Darhion in stride.
He saw the world as it could be
and joined the Host of Good Faery.

[Masa]

Nice! Not a problem that I do see, you're skills of the magic of the words is very very good, quite creative as well! A very classical view of a wanderer, and yet you've still brought life to an ancient classic, well done! Your rhyming was of the utmost care, every line brought a fresh picture of this little picture book clear to my mind, and that miss, is how a good poem should be!

[Corneac]

Ah...another masterpiece from you Eadha....

Yes you do indeed have a way with the written word...your poetry is something quite awe-inspiring...

Great job...

[Eadha Deora]

I've had the first two lines written in a notebook for months. It begged to be written when I re-discovered it.

[a&Ω]

I really like it a lot, and it flowed well. I think there is a market for this type of poetry. My only question is with the first line: "Darhion rode out with eyes of sea"... what exactly are eyes of sea? In any case, good job. Best poem I've read on here so far (I've only read 4 or 5 though).

[Eadha Deora]

"eyes of sea" ... have you ever noticed how the sea is so fluid, so undecided in its colour .... "eyes of sea" is the briefest way I can say something like "and he had eyes like the sea, full and deep and knowing, that changed from grey to green or blue, even brown, depending on his mood, and could sweep you away in the tide of their beauty and gentleness"

[a&Ω]

Originally Posted by Eadha Deora

"eyes of sea" ... have you ever noticed how the sea is so fluid, so undecided in its colour .... "eyes of sea" is the briefest way I can say something like "and he had eyes like the sea, full and deep and knowing, that changed from grey to green or blue, even brown, depending on his mood, and could sweep you away in the tide of their beauty and gentleness"

I get what you are saying know... maybe if the line were: "Darhion rode out with eyes like the sea" it would be less confusing, maybe prevent people like me from going "eyes OF the SEA?" but that is just a minor suggestion.

[Eadha Deora]

good point!!!
but then my rhyme scheme would be screwed up and "eyes of sea" was what I woke up with from a dream .... also, poetry should make you say "WHAT?" and go back and re-read and try to figure it out. If you could read everything all in one flow and take it all in, I think the poet must have been pretty shallow.

[a&Ω]

Originally Posted by Eadha Deora

good point!!!
but then my rhyme scheme would be screwed up and "eyes of sea" was what I woke up with from a dream .... also, poetry should make you say "WHAT?" and go back and re-read and try to figure it out. If you could read everything all in one flow and take it all in, I think the poet must have been pretty shallow.

If your intention was to make people re-read, or think deeply about what you meant by that particular line, then that is totally fine, and of course that's completely up to you as the author of the poem. I just found the word "of" confusing personally (I think "like" would have fit better, as it compares, rather than states it is made up 'of' sea), and I'm not totally convinced that I would have seen your meaning had you not explained it to me. Just my opinion. All in all I thought it was a solid poem by a solid poet (you).
I do disagree with this though:
"If you could read everything all in one flow and take it all in, I think the poet must have been pretty shallow"
I think there are plenty of good poems that are not shallow, for example: Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe... it is a complex poem, it flows really well, and it can be understood with ONE reading. So I think cryptic meanings is completely optional to the poet, and doesn't necessarily make them shallow. Cryptic meanings definitely have their place, particularly in abstract poetry... but generally speaking there are plenty of good poems on both sides... none of which I would consider shallow.

[angel]

this is incredible mate well put across and an all round good read. a pat on back is required

[Eadha Deora]

fair enough, aspiasu! There will always be exceptions and preferences out there. I was speaking from my personal tastes--I like a poem that I can go back to more than once and find something new in it, something that didn't catch my eye before. So my judgements are quite skewed towards what I like, aren't they? Well at least I've noticed now lol .... It is very rare that I have read a poem that I got all of it in one go and found it fantastic. Whether that is a discredit to my thinking power or to the poets I have read, I'm not sure. Hehe--I don't mind being biased though--but I completely respect what you've said. It's good to see something outside my little box. Thanks

[Laughing Man]

Hmm...reminds me of ulysses or finnegans wake.

[Eadha Deora]

I originally had in mind to write it for my son, if I ever have one. I came up with the name "Darhion" myself, and it means something in welsh that I have always felt about one of my children, whenever he/she decides to be born. So the "Darhion" in the first line really was envisioned as my child! lol .. I'm strange!

Whenever I think of his name, I get the image of him riding on a horse along the welsh beach with the tide coming in and a full glaring sun behind him.

[ManthaStoirmeil]

Originally Posted by Eadha Deora

"eyes of sea" ... have you ever noticed how the sea is so fluid, so undecided in its colour .... "eyes of sea" is the briefest way I can say something like "and he had eyes like the sea, full and deep and knowing, that changed from grey to green or blue, even brown, depending on his mood, and could sweep you away in the tide of their beauty and gentleness"

Quite so. And really, the slightly odd or atypical way you lay it out breaks up the pattern of a somewhat common simile or metaphor, and brings the reader back to consider it without moving over it automatically.
"Eyes of sea" and the way you expand on it here reminds me of a sketch I did with my father in mind -- it was called "Caithness Eyes" --
". . . his eyes were the plain eyes of all Caithness men, blue or grey on the whim of the sea. . . "

and at the end: "I knew him not by looking into his eyes, but by looking at what he himself was seeing. I told him so, once, and he looked away outward to sea, and his plain Caithness eyes were the sea, and looking away outward with him I found all my answer."

[Lost Snail]

I don't have the energy to offer a proper critique, so I'll just be unhelpful and tell you that I like it

You have a very distinct 'neo-old world' style, if I ever do publish a fantasy novel I'd love it if you wrote some poems based on the lore of the world for me to include in the work... but that day is not this day... it will be an hour of woes and shattered shields before my writing is at the right standard. Well, I suppose that's why I'm studying the art eh? Good job.

[Eadha Deora]

thanks ManthaStoirmeil!

Lost Snail, SO good to hear from you *beams*--this feels a bit like old times when only you and DP and I would comment on each other's poems LOL. "Neo- Old World" style .... I like that more than I would ever admit, hehe. As for poetry on the lore of said fantasy world, that is the kind of poetry I feel most at home with .. Tolkien-type writers are my shining stars in the dark wasteland of modern literature! I mean, there is a level when fantasy becomes cheesy and a bit like too many sweets--can turn the stomach. But fantasy that has a history, a mythology, a language, its entire intricacies and facets--that is what changes fantasy into believe-ability, and that is the kind of fantasy I like and the kind of fantasy I attempt to write. Obviously, my poetry reflects that. In fact, the reason I first started writing proper poetry was to accommodate a 50 chapter book I was writing ... it had its own poetry and mythological heros and characters .. it had various languages based on real "old" languages now not heard.....I was writing a mythical history of Ireland before the Milesians or Iron Age Celts arrived ... but all adapted to being in Tolkien's World. LOL ... I believe Tolkien was writing about Britain and Europe in his tales. I write about Tol Eressea or Ireland--Eire, Eireann.

Enough babble on my part though

[Lost Snail]

Never enough!

Whilst I enjoy the beauty of Tolkein's myth and lore, at the moment I appreciate fantasy that contains a greater degree of 'realism', so to speak, as well creating intricate cultures... A Song of Ice and Fire by George RR Martin is a shining example of what I mean.

At the moment I'm formulating a fantasy that draws on imperial britain on the one hand, and Inca and ancient nordic culture on the other. I've written a few of chapters so far, but have most of the general story arc worked out, as well as all the different cultural heritages... the basic premise is a fantasy world where the invention of the gun as changed the shape of man's existence... industrial fantasy I suppose..... but the reappearance of mythical races long lost makes the modern ways obsolete and the only way for humankind to survive is to revert to the old ways. I don't think I'll put any of it up on the site, due to lack of security, but if you're interested I could send you the prologue...

[Eadha Deora]

actually, yes I would like to read it ... it's not something that I would come up with for my writing, but to see how you have combined the cultures and bits could be inspiring ... besides, with fantasy literature out there, I've not read much to be honest. My mainstay has been Tolkien, Marillier, Robert Jordan, and of course Bernard Cornwall .... pretty much all of them deal with a historical type fantasy. That doesn't include my steady diet of celtic, nordic, and various other indigenous tribal lore and mythology.

[Nephilim]

interesting read. im really not much of a fantasy fan, but i will admit i was intrigued. the rhyme scheme is awesome, and the under