[SeaN]

I wish I was a Cardinal
flying through the skies...
A little red body,
and little black eyes.

Everyone would stare
with envy as I land...
and no one would dare
approach where I stand.

As graceful as a cat;
the beauty of the sky.
As fierce as a lion...
so quiet when I fly.

Sailing the horizon,
fading gracefully-
I wish I was a Cardinal.
I wish I wasn't me.
__________

that one I wrote in middle school- here's a response written like 10 minutes ago
__________



Paper Cardinal
______________________________ ___

So if I was a Cardinal,
I'd soon traverse these skies
This plume would burn for you alone
I'd watch the world through razor eyes

I'd circle high above your life
protecting you from pain
A fragile broken body falls
I'd plummet faster than the rain

With grace bestowed upon these wings
and beauty without bound
I'll find a path for safe passage
sailing swift without a sound

These fantasies fade like the sun-
the dark reality:
I'll never be your cardinal.
My love, that's more than I can be...

[waiting4godot]

So beautiful, though I can't make the difference I mean in style and vocab between the two poems( may be due to my beingforeigner to english culture). I just like the two especially the contrasts " fragilevs protect " I like these words. Great work red romantic sensitive cardinal!

[Lubesh]

My you have grown juniorlol..that was an interesting excerciseyou carried out there and well worth ur time and bet u enjoyed it. reat contrast especially the title, i love the second one in light of this. Flawless as usual i hasten to say and beautiful.

[SeaN]

well thanks very much you two!

'junior' huh? lol I think Corneac might have a problem with me adopting that nickname.

[DragonLover]

so nice its good

[Corneac]

'junior' huh? lol I think Corneac might have a problem with me adopting that nickname

Yes I do. Junior is Junior. But I guess everyone is Junior to Anita
I'm sure if I think real hard I can think of a nickname for you Sean...just wait.

Nice. You really have grown literary wise, so much. But even as a middle schooler you can catch glimpse of your talent mate. Better than I could have done...lol.

Beautiful. Almost made me feel if I was soaring. Some poetry has the power to do that. Give you wings. Well done mate. On both counts.

before you're in harms way again

Personally I think it would work better if you cut the "again'" of all together, rhythm wise.

But awesome job mate.

[SeaN]

I'm sure if I think real hard I can think of a nickname for you Sean...just wait

haha cool man- can't wait.

But even as a middle schooler you can catch glimpse of your talent mate. Better than I could have done...lol.

thanks man- but the first poem was actually the product of months of polishing with the help of teachers- one of those '6th grade class poetry book' things. But I'll take the compliments!

as for your suggestion; thanks for pointing it out! I really respect your opinion, and think you have a great eye for rhythm, so I looked very closely at this.

For one, I was trying for a set of perfect 8-6-8-8 stanza's, and simply removing the word would tip the scales. At the same time, I do see what you mean. Also, I wasn't crazy about the half-rhyme, so I changed it all together.

Thanks for the advice man!

[Gemma]

Wow, gorgeous set of poems. I really liked these. In the first one I could see the cardinal flying, ever so clearly and yet gracefully. You have beautiful imagery!

[SeaN]

Thanks very much Gemma

[Gemma]

Thank you for writing poetry like that!

[camiroxursox]

Very good! I liked them both. They are really good and examples of great imagery. Try using some different words other than "little" like you did in the first poem. Other than some more exciting words, good job!

[RENA HANDS]

What about saying…So silent when I fly. (I think it would coinside with the strength of your lion and the stealth of the cat too. Though I suppose that would have nothing to do with anything.) These are just a few of my thoughts…

Your second ‘ten minute’ write is EXTRAORIDINARY! The imagery of the first combined with the second…it expresses your evolution as a writer. Bravo! I wanted to apologies also for not returning to your poetry sooner.

I give a rating of 5/5, though much like so many other talents of this site, you don’t need it…:l augh:

[Nupur]

Sean, wow. I love this set of poems. Your talent seeps through the first one and the second one is extraordinary.

With grace bestowed upon these wings
and beauty without bound
I'll find a path for safe passage
sailing swift without a sound

This is my favoutite stanza here. Every line, every word... it's all beautiful. And you wrote that in 10 mins? Holy shit! It's awesome! You're one talented person and this proves it. And yes, you have definitely grown up. Fantastic.

[SeaN]

Cam, Rena and Nupur; thanks for the great reviews! I'm really glad you liked the poems, and appreciate the kind thoughts. (btw nupur, if I remember correctly, it took me quite a bit longer than 10 minutes! I had intended to say that I finished it 10 minutes ago )