[Maud]

Snyopsis: Continuation of Death-Smell scrolls. The main charcter gets a glimpse at his history in this action packed chapter.


Book 2
“And so they were cast out,
Into the sand
And when their bodies returned
Their souls didn’t follow.” Letter from Jeris lord of the exorcist to Madsaim

The call had been interesting, 15 thousand just to go to a house on the cliff. Of course The Sleeper didn’t actually believe that this was all but for that much he would risk it. When he reached the dusty cliff the strongest death-smell he had ever experienced hit him like the strong wind. A man in strange exorcist robes, strange because of their dark blue color, came out from a small whirlwind of the sand with a grimace in his eyes. His words flew to me threw the heavy dry air, “Hello Sleeper my name is Slasher of the House of Carmen! Prepare to duel!”

Even The Sleeper gasped at this. The House of Carmen was a renegade Exorcist school. They were believers that the only way to defeat the dead was to become the dead. But The Sleeper wasn’t caught off guard. The man came closer, well maybe a man, there’s no way to tell since only the person’s eyes and left arm was exposed. Even the robes were to loose to gain a figure, for all The Sleeper knew he could have been quite obese.

Slasher glided his feet over the sand, a steel blade came out from the wrist. The Sleeper threw his robes in the air and he grabbed his sword. Their steel meet in an explosion of energy. They soon danced the dance of death. Slasher began leading with a fury of slashes. But The Sleeper didn’t lose his place nor did he come out of the little sway of movements unharmed. He had cuts all up and down his body some small cuts others lacerations. Finally The Sleeper gained hold and spoke with his powerful voice, “So your all bark and no bite. You can put out many attacks but they carry no real strength what are you a Class-B?”

And just as The Sleeper hoped, Slasher was furious. Now, because of his remarks and the accusation itself he would concentrate on force and not speed. So when he began their tango again, The Sleeper was ready. The Slasher began his normal routine but then all out of the blue he put his blade-arm over his head, as if he was chopping wood. But then The Sleeper gave him a swift kick in the stomach. Then a slash to the chest, a cloud of smokish dust rose up to the air escaping the fury. The wind carried Slashers’ death-smell to The Sleeper’s senses.

“So this is it Sleeper, the time has come, beat me and I will lead you to your awakening! My master holds the key,” began Slasher “But it won’t be so easy since I’m showing you my true form.”

And so his robe fell without any effort or movements on his part. His arm extend so his arms reached his feet, his flesh turned a dirty brown, his mouth grew fangs, and his jaw dislocated the relocated itself lower. His eyes receded in his face, his lips disappeared, along with any and all facial hair, but last of all his muscles grew a terrible strength.

Slasher drew his right arm with the blade wrist over his face. He brought it down while slinging his left arm like a whip. The Sleeper was able to dodge it, The Sleeper was not with out his own tricks nor was any other exorcist. He dodged the vertical blow, but not the horizontal blow. He flipped in the air and hit his head. But The Sleeper had his own specialties in The Art. His was the mastery of raw energy. The Sleeper raised his right hand therefore dropping the sword. It was a slow action and he made sure to drag his figures. Then suddenly as it reached his nose he flung the digits up. His palm opened and bright blue energy gathered in the palm. He closed his fist trapping the raw power. He could feel the mighty energy go through the flesh and the blood even the bones. His arm had in essence, become an undestroyable shield. This time The Sleeper charged, Slasher’s arms came together like two whips. Trying to trap the warrior inside. The Sleeper jumped over the arms like a hurdle and brought his fist down in a vertical fashion through his chest. Now the wind returned a whirlwind formed around the scene and the wind danced in joy, truly the gods were pleased.

“Well,” stated The Sleeper “I will be on my way I bid you farewell.”

“Wait the secret of your aghhh awakening.” Slashers voice was flooded with blood. But The Sleeper kept walking. “Well what about the secret of your father?”

“Tell me or your pain will be considerably worst,” now he was angry.

“The secret is with The House of Carmen…” Slashers life force dripped from the body and into the ground.

He took the sack of money that had been waiting at the very edge. As he headed back towards the corpse he was sure to take the exorcist’s badge so that he could burn it at The Great Hall. If he would ever reach the Emerald City. He decided it was time to take a break from this and rediscover his past. He would head to the House of Carmen in the deep desert

╫

The pale, white, sand beat against The Sleepers face. The wind created lines in the sand like fingers across eternity. His feet had finally given up exerting pain due to the effort. His horse had died long ago from some ailment, dehydration or maybe heat exhaustion. The wind beat against his black robes, the only color in this barren wasteland. Then as if it was coordinated with the wind a dark-blur figure approached. These were the same colors of House Carmen his target in this ordeal. As they became closer the unknown figure tried to speak but the wind defeated his efforts. Finally he spoke in the acient language which only talented exorcist knew, this was a language more then words, they meanings could be changed by tones, pitch, volume, face, and even body gestures.

“Takim’ frud, shulihud! Gedfum ferd frud, Gerigod! Nakim’!” his words flew through the air and the mighty language silenced the wind. His words were commanding The Sleeper had difficulty translated but managed, “Hello, adversary! You know the ways so I am ‘The Other’! Begin!”

And so they did, the wind silenced knowing the gravity of the situation. The setting sun erased all other of the great planets mood and set stage for this fight. The Awakened one drew his stained steel blade but his opponent did not, he only stood waiting. Then he opened his mouth as to speak more but no sound escaped slowly but surely his mouth opened further. Then his jaw continued to it was at least two feet open.

“SCRAAAAA!” A terrible sound escaped from The Others lungs and like a typhoon knocked The Sleeper on his back and quite a distance back. But still the strange beast kept opining his mouth, The Sleeper could no longer wait so he charged at him with a fury. But before a red creature escaped from the body of his opponent, but then he noticed it was a separate entity it was part of The Other. Slowly but savagely he turned in to a red bird like man. The red beast had eaten the man and was now flapping its wings. Then his flaps grew stronger creating a gust, all in a hurry The Sleeper sheathed his sword and waited for the inevitable. The gust approached threatening his life; all out of the blue he let his arm control his blade. The movement was so fast, that when he unsheathed his weapon the gust was reversed.

“Ha, Ha, Ha,” the beast spoke with a raspy voice, “I am much faster than …” But while he was talking The Sleeper was on his way. As he ran he approached the small tornado, then using its own force against it he crated a catapult effect. The wind pushed him up and towards the red flying demon. Then all in a split second they stood back to back. Just as the bottom of the steel hit the bottom of the sheath; The Other feel to the ground. The clean was so cut it took a couple of seconds to take affect.

And as the wind continues so does the brave warrior, The Sleeper…

╫

It was quite some time for him to reach a great castle made of sand and brick. Great walls protected the palace, as well as many guards, but they could easily be defeated. What he worried about most was the people and even things. As he reached the great sand walls a guard called out to him, but before he could finish he fell to the ground. Another guard saw what happened and tried to warn some of his friend but his fate was the same, however The Sleeper would find that it maybe he shouldn’t have tried a direct route.

He approached the main wooden gate when a voice came out to him, “Watch this one Sleeper!”

A magnificent arrow wizzed by The Sleepers face barley cutting his cheek. But that was only a distraction because another arrow was on it’s way. Before he could fully dodged he could only move his head, the other one went through his jaw. Blood fell all over the sand turning the planet red. The shaft of the arrow was still lodged in his jaw, so he had to remove it as he dodged the next in line.

“Okay you survived round 1,” began the archer, “but let’s try round two.”

He knew he could no longer fool around, so when the next hail of arrows came he did his unsheathing trick. All the arrows fell to the ground with the force of him preparing, and so he had time to think. He quickly scanned the top of the wall for his opponent but couldn’t find a single soul, but for the House of Carmen that wasn’t saying much. Then the voice came and bragged to begin the next “round.”

This time he only fired one arrow at once, much more suspicious. As the arrow came closer he eyed the arrow, it was glowing red. Scared he took all his energy into one leap as far away as possible. The arrow hit the ground causing a monumental explosion. But this wasn’t it this time he fired two at once, one to The Sleeper’s right and the other to his left. Having very little energy and tired from the loss of blood, he retreated into deep meditation. His energy regained as he drew energy from the dead. This was one of the many skills of the House of Maxim. Monstrous pain betook the warrior’s body but he never once deviated his thoughts. Apparently this archer wasn’t so accurate with these arrows.

He got up about a minute later and dashed at the wall. He called upon all the energy he had to run. He began dashing up the wall. Arrows now flew at him like raindrops in a thunderstorm, the exploding ones cted like the lightning. In a split second he was on top of the wall. He glared to his right then to his left. Still not a soul. Apparently this archer was quite brilliant and waited until he could make a fatal shot, and so he did. An arrow flew towards his head. The Sleeper jumped up but still the great arrow hit him in the stomach, probably somewhere in the intestine. This couldn’t be it but all the signs pointed otherwise. His vision was getting blurry and his motor skills were failing. He tried stumbling to where the last arrow came from and seen the man he was in camouflage robes with only one eye revealed. The man took another arrow and put it into its position on the bow. The Sleeper made a decisive action, to take the archer with him. He began to raise his hand letting is fingers drip to the ground. Then as it got up to eye level he threw the fingers up opening his palm. The last bits of his life energy and more he didn’t have escaped him. It went through the air, disintegrated the flying arrow and through the bow. Finally after a billionth of a second it took out the whole east side of the wall.

╬

Darkness, everything was darkness. Then from above a certain grayish light becoming more and more real as time passed…

╬

“So has it succeeded?” spoke a dark sadistic voice.

“Yes,” came a hollow feminine one, “better then we thought, but there is one problem he’s comatose. He’s alive but not awake.” Whispered the woman.

“Ha so he can’t wake that is quite ironic.” Laughed the first.

“Um…Yes sir but how do we wake him he is no good asleep.” Said the other.

“Don’t worry, by the gods themselves he will awake but first someone else must die.” From the calm voice.

“Who?” came the woman apparently shocked.

“ Jeris apparently he has put some spell on my son. But his soul is intact?” he asked unsurely.

“If the test are dependable he is, and the test are dependable.” She replied.

“Good, I’ll send Klaviar to kill Jeris.” Came the sadistic one.

“And reveal are trump card?” inquired the feminine voice.

“My trump card daughter my trump card.” the dark voice sung.

╬

Klavier received the orders from a herald and immediately began on his way. Klaviar was the strongest of the three children of Carmen, arguably as strong as his father, even though nobody would say a word such as that. Especially since Carmen had lost a son already today. Klavier the Foresaker also known as The Ghoul was the best of the best in his field like all of the sons of Carmen he was fully “dead” only half. But this was more dangerous than being just one. You had the benefits of both. You could use The Art like a human, but could use the dead’s great skills as well. He carried not a sword with him but an assortment of weapons.

The sand twist and turned as he hopped in the pile of metal. He took the wheel and slowly pushed up on the petal. The mech-horse sprang into action. He decided to take another with him Rigal. Rigal was a talkative social one, once you started him going.

“By the gods,” began Rigal, “Could you believe that the older ones believe this to be a beast?”

“I can and do,” responded Klaviar, “it does eat that bround liquid and let out the black smoke. But your right it was built by the ancients, so rest their soul.”

The car drove towards the horizon seeing sand, blood, and even a deceased horse.

Finally in a couple of days they reached the Hagerman Docks which were located at The Ocean always expressed in capitals. This water mass covered most if not all of the southern hemisphere of this unnamed planet. House Carmen always kept a good fast ship in reserve for troubled days, or simply when they had a meeting with the big wigs of the exorcist.

The ship was a swift one light with men and cannons but effective none the less, it even carried a whirly bird on its strong wooden deck, but because fuel was so expensive it was rarely used. But this was an exception the assignation of arguably the most powerful being was quite an urgency this whirly bird was kept in good condition. This one like most that were found was green with two white odds symbols. One was in the shape of a horse-shoe and the other was a curved snake. Making people believe they were owned by a black smith guild called the snakes. Or that is at least what historians believed.

The roar of the flat metal spinny-things as Klaviar called them could even make the strongest nauseous. Somehow through the ancient’s magic it lifted itself in the air and started on its way. It was so amazing to see the Emerald City from afar. It was covered with green plants and strong white marble columns. The forum was quite amazing, almost as much as The Great Hall which had grander, and more exquisite editions every year.

Klavier jumped from the side of the whirly bird letting the wind carry him. He land on the roof with a crash while the flying thing hovered above. He ran to the opening on the roof which aloud smoke to exit and jumped through.

He hurried down the halls making sure not to be discovered. He prepared his assortment of daggers and knife. As expected the large throne room was crowded as expected with at least twenty or so souls. He threw the blades from his palms and wrists and into various hearts. This was his trade mark to aim for the small red organ. Finally in a matter of seconds he reached the huge, great emerald throne. It was rumored that it was carved out of one large stone.

Jeris stood up and addressed his attacker, “So the soulless one comes! Ahh but I am prepared. Do you forget I am a much better warrior then you, the strongest of all humans?”

Klaviar took no time in talking but only in action. He threw two daggers at his heart, but the human kicked them all back. Klaviar recovered and charged at the man in front of the throne. The king drew his blade but it was to late. Klaviar had thrown his boomerang. Jeris never expected an attack from the back, and that was his downfall.

But before he could turn around a hundred elite guards had their spears pointed at his neck.

╬

“Sir! SIR! He awakens!”

[Lubesh]

I have underlined that which needs ur attention.

[Maud]

srry i didnt understand wt it was supposed to be either until I looked back to my orginal. apperantly when I copied it for some reason it didnt transfer finally for once I'm not to blame. thanks alot lubesh.

[Jacob Samples]

it was good, but there are still quite a few corrections that need to be made. grammar and spelling, stuff like that. also, some parts didnt make sense. read through it a few times.

[Serac]

The idea of an exorcist character is cool, but we're at the end of chapter two and if he died it wouldn't bother me too much. The Sleeper has plenty of potential to be cool, he's just not living up to it yet. I think more dialogue mixed with some flashbacks at how he worked his way through the exorcist ranks would really bring him to life.

I'm sorry man, i read the first chapter and i liked it, even though there were a few parts i found to be debatable. The second chapter, everything became way different. the story progressed at an incredibly rapid pace, the battles were reminscent of anime, and you didn't take people's advice to proofread. Don't get me wrong, you have huge potential to write great stories, and this is a very original idea, you're to be commended. I don't know, i read a really bad one earlier, maybe my frustration with that one is bleeding through to yours. It's a good idea, just refine some things, add some detail to the situations, describe his adventures on the way there. I can picture the scene, clearly, but then it jumps to another aspect. Its like a comic book, where as I should be envisioning a movie flipping by scene by scene like a flip book. Please don't take offense to this, it's not what i mean to do, i'm offering some constructive, albeit harsh, criticism. Please don't be discouraged. I was discouraged by my novel being lost. I haven't attempted to write anything serious since. Good luck, please take my advice. A little detail goes a long way
Respectively yours,
D-Min

[BruceOne]

“Hello Sleeper. My name is Slasher of the House of Carmen! Prepare to duel!”
“Ha, Ha, Ha,” the beast spoke with a raspy voice,
Some of this is good, but some of it like the Ha,Ha,Na is corny.
Keep working on it.