[x_lovely09]

"Your teeth carve passion into my neck. Your touch sends chills to my very escence. My blood flows through your veins and I am at peace. For once in my life I am surrounded by serinity."







Chapter 1

I practically ran inside my front door, thanking Lord for the heat that now surrounded me. Snow was quickly melting through my shoes and soaking this bottom of my pant legs. The fireplace provided a place for slightly flickering flames to habitat, barely illuminating the room with an orange glow. My feet, by now numb, dragged against the beige carpet.

I headed to my oversized, Victorian style bathroom. With slightly shaking hands, I turned the knob in my shower. Soon, a soft heat emitted around me, originating from the shower. My entire body was covered in goose bumps. I stepped under the scolding water. It felt like needles that pierced my skin with every crystal clear droplet. All that I could feel was an almost unbearable searing pain across my skin, yet I stayed standing underneath the water.

As it cooled, normal feeling began to trickle back to life. I stepped out and got dressed quickly. I sat on the edge of my bed. My eyes traced the dark outlines of my room until they reached the bedside table. The small clock glowed green numbers, telling me it was just past three in the morning. Despite the time, the one thing I craved right then was coffee. I took a deep breath, letting the slightly chilled air fill my lungs, and I began to make my way downstairs to the kitchen. My hands fumbled as they prepared the coffee maker. Soon, a warm aroma filled the room.

I made my way to the living room, placing another log on the dying fire. I turned the little knob on my fading lamp, fiddling with it until it was just the right intensity of light for my tired eyes to bear. I returned to the kitchen, filling a small mug with the dark brown brew. I swiveled on the ball of my foot to make my way to the living room, but stalled. My eyes widened and body stiffened. All I heard was the slightest creaking of the floorboards. A sound so soft, I would never have heard if not for the aid of my sharp vampire senses. I knew someone else was there.

“Hey, there,” a voice playfully cooed next to my ear, almost inaudible. I froze. I recognized his voice. Liam’s cool breath exhaled against my skin, swirling in the air. My muscles instantly relaxed. Unknowingly, my grip on the coffee cup released. His hand sped from behind me, soundlessly, catching the cup just inches below my quivering hands.

“What are you doing here…?” I wasn’t sure if the words had actually left my lips, because they didn’t register in my ears. But he had heard my voice.
Liam sighed softly, fluidly walking to the little rounded table, placing my cup down. I was frozen, still, unmoved. His fingertips pressed lightly against my back, leading me to sit down at the table. My eyes fluttered back to life, watching his swift movement of sitting down near me

“I told you I would come back for you, Adele.” The sound of his voice speaking my name rose butterflies in my stomach. They caused a slightly sick feeling to rise.

“You’ve been gone for…” My voice trailed, my thoughts trying to count the endless days.

“Almost three years,” he finished.

“Yeah, almost…” My eyes trailed to the floor, absently staring down. Liam stood, taking one short step towards me. His finger pressed under my chin, raising my head. My gaze met that of his ochre eyes, burning through me.

I could feel him questioning me with his eyes rather than words. I snapped my head fiercely from his fingertip grasp. “Leave.” My voice was soft, but the anger underlying the simple word was obvious.

“Now why would I do that?” He obviously wasn’t fazed by my sharp tone. Without a sound, he stepped behind me. Stone, ivory arms slicked around my shoulders. His hands clasped around my upper arms lightly, but with an intense grip.

I could feel salty tears welling up, burning and aching to flow. The sensation of Liam’s grasp encircling me brought memories pouring back, occupying my thoughts. His lips were next to my ear again.

“We both know that’s not what you want.” Liam’s melodic voice sang and echoed through my mind. My surroundings stirred and my body began involuntarily to sway. If not for his iron grip on me, I probably would have fallen straight to the floor.
I was trying to collect myself, regain control…But there was something this vampire could do that no other could. What, I’m not sure. But he could leave me breathless with liquefied limbs. “No…,” I barely uttered. No, he couldn’t do this again. After so long, he couldn’t have this control over me as he did before! But he did, and I was helpless, surrendering to his whim.

Liam released me, only to pick me up in his arms effortlessly. He led me upstairs to my bedroom, speaking slowly on the way. “We’ll continue this in the morning. You need your rest, love.”

His presence intoxicated me. Liam laid me down in my bed and pulled a tan colored sheet over the length of my body, letting it softly fall on me. The last thing I recall was the touch of his palm cupped against my jaw and his voice whispering to me, “Now, sleep.”

~

My eyes fluttered open, trying to clear my vision. My head rolled to the right, glancing outside. It was bright with snow, and the sight hurt to look at. There wasn’t much sun seeping through the trees that surrounded my house, but it was enough to burn. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, blinking softly until my vision was sharp again. Last nights occurrences flooded back into my head, and I jerked up to a sitting position. The covers fell from over my torso. I didn’t have to look for him. Liam was there, sitting cross-legged, less than a foot from me. My eyes were locked on him. My breath caught in the back of my throat, bringing the sensation of my pounding heart throbbing in my head. Was he really there? Or was I just lost in a dream that feigned reality?

I glanced from him to the clock. Seven in the morning. I had only slept a few hours. My eyes glued back on Liam. He sat there, unmoving, like a marble statue, with a half-smile across his lips and eyes set on me.

“What are you still doing he-…” My voice trailed as my cell phone began to ring. Without taking my eyes from Liam, my hand flashed over to the bedside table. I had picked up before the first ring was finished.

“Hello?” The voice that answered was enough to jolt me out of the trance he held me in.

“Adele? Where are you? If you weren’t coming over, you could have at least called!” Jasper’s voice was full of rage.

“I... I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I must have fallen asleep.” I knew if Jasper discovered Liam had come, he would be even more infuriated than he already was.

He sighed. “Well, come over now. Some things occurred last night. They may be coming sooner than expected.” My teeth snapped shut, a low growl rising from my throat.

“How soon?”


“Tonight, maybe. Tomorrow morning at the latest.” He sounded worried.

“Aren’t you tracking them?”

“They found a way around our system. We have no clue where they are,” Jasper said with remorse.

Without even a sound of sheets shuffling underneath him, Liam had made his way closer to me. He grasped my phone lightly with his long, icy fingers. My breath caught in the back of my throat. “I have to go, Jasper…” Before my sentence was complete, he had already ended the call and placed the phone to the side.

His face was closer than I thought. I could hear his heart padding lightly. Liam’s eyes grazed across my frame, sending chills dancing across my skin. The corner of his lips raised into a smile, flashing his pointed teeth. He brushed a few strands of hair from my face, tucking them behind my ear. His fingertips lingered on my skin, dragging down the side of my neck to my collarbone.

Liam wrapped an arm around the middle of my back, softly laying me back on the pillows. As much as I desired to resist him, I couldn’t move. Hovering over me, Liam began to bring his lips to the base of my neck. I felt his sharp teeth press softly to my skin. Somehow, I gathered the strength to shove him off of me. He was flung across the room, slamming into the doors of my closet before landing roughly on the ground.

“You need to leave, Liam. I’m not going to let you hurt me again,” I fumed. I had finally broken from his trance. All vampires, including me, had an irresistible allure we could control that allowed us to easily draw our prey where we desired. The perfect hunting maneuver. It typically didn’t work on other vampires, except Liam was always someone I had trouble saying ‘no’ to. Ever since the first time our lips touched, and my heart raced.

But in the time from when he initially left and now, I had begun to shield myself from other’s influence. This was the only reason I didn’t succumb to his golden eyes the moment they laid on me.

Anger flashed in my eyes. I stood up, grabbed my phone and coat, and stormed out of the room. I knew he wouldn’t stick around my empty house long after I left. I could see the hunger burning through him. In a second, I was at the front door. For sake of anyone seeing, I walked at a humanly pace to my jet black Vespa, which had a coating of fluffy snow on it.

I unlocked the door and slid in. After cranking the car, I turned the heat on full blast to help my fogged windows. I peeled from the drive, and glanced at Liam as he appeared at my doorstep before driving off.

I flipped open my phone and called Jasper back. He answered before the phone had rang once.

“Adele? Why did you hang up on me?” he asked with accusations in his voice.

“Where are you?” I questioned.

“At the club…”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I shut the phone and lightly tossed it to the passenger’s seat. My foot pressed on the gas as my car sped up.

My mind was rushing, not even paying attention to the slushy roads. The car tipped and swerved through every curvature of the slick black road.

I let the speed of my car decrease as I neared my destination. I parked my car next to the front door, hopping out quickly. My eyes glanced up at the maroon red sign that read “The Pulse.”

I walked with a quick pace inside. There was one lowly human still there, who had stayed after his shift to finish cleaning the bar. I walked over to him, leaned my lips to his ears and whispered with an echoed voice, “Go home, and go to sleep, now.” Without giving a glance, he did as I said and was out the door in moments.

Just then, I looked up and Jasper had appeared in front of me. “What is going on?” he demanded. I saw anger rouse in his eyes.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, trying to clear the images of Liam still lingering in my thoughts. “Do you have any clue what they’re planning to do?”

Jasper gave me an odd look, the anger subsiding a little. “No, and we still don’t know where they are. The last location we had was south, about 40 miles from here. All we know is they do the majority of their traveling at night. They’re less likely to be seen then.”

I sat down on one of the bar seats that was bolted to the floor, swiveling the chair so I could lean back against the bar top. Jasper stood in front of me, his eyes tracing me up and down.

“What’s going on with you today, Adele?” I gazed at him blankly, distantly, and didn’t answer.

The front doors of The Pulse opened. A short, fragile-looking woman appeared at the doorway. She wore a smile that was far too perky for my liking.

“Hi, I just moved to town yesterday! Oh, this place looks so nice. I really don’t know anybody. This would be a great place to meet people! I was wondering if there were any job openings?” Her voice was high-pitched and quite annoying, speeding through every word with excitement.

I glanced at Jasper. We could both smell that she was human, though her almost crooked appearance gave it away at first sight. He gave me a little nod, noticing the way my eyes flashed black with thirst. I walked over to her with a half-smile. “Come with me,” I commanded her.

The woman stared in awe, frozen momentarily before following me to a back room. I heard Jasper chuckle. Within moments, her muffled cries filled the vacant club, reverberating off every red-tinted slate wall.

Minutes later, I emerged from the hallway. My heels i]clack[/i]ed with every step across the vacated dance floor. Jasper started towards me, stopping mere inches from me.

His fair-skinned hand rose, using the tip of his thumb to trace the purple tinted curves under my eyes. The purple was slowly fading to a more opaque lilac shade.

“You look much better now,” he said with a soft smile. “Much less…thirsty.” Jasper gave me a playful wink and dropped his hand back to his side. “Now will you tell me what’s going on?”

Jasper’s eyes met mine in a locked gaze. I could tell he was worried. Jasper has always been worried about me, watching out for me, for as long as I can remember. Then again, I don’t have much memory of my human life. The only thing I recall in detail was my being changed…

I reluctantly opened my mouth, waiting for the words to come. My sight raced around the room, trying not to see his face.

“Liam came back…” I finally looked up at Jasper. His eyebrows were burrowing together in fury.

He wouldn’t say a word. Jasper’s eyes stared blankly over my head. I could see his fists clenching and starting to tremble.

“Jasper…” Since my birth as a vampire, I have never feared the wrath of another vampire, or much less a mere human. But the expression on his face, the rage fuming through him, made Jasper appear more fearsome than ever.

He encircled his arms around me in a protective hug, being careful to maintain his composure. Jasper burrowed his face against the nape of my neck, inhaling against my hair.

“You don’t smell right. His scent is there… I don’t like it,” Jasper said with a restrained voice.

I tilted my head up, pecking a kiss against his jaw. “I want him to leave.” My voice cracked.

“I’ll make him leave.”

“No! I don’t want to pull you into this!”

“It’s too late. Where is he?” His grip tightened on me for a moment, holding me closely. Then he softly pushed me from his arms.

“I don’t know. But his thirst was burning… he’s probably hunting right now.”

Jasper’s gaze returned to my cringed face. “I’m not leaving you alone for a mome-,” he stopped mid-sentence as my furious voice cut him off.

“Jasper! I don’t need you following me around like I’m some helpless, weak werewolf pup. I can take care of myself, you know!” My words were dripping with anger, and I tried to turn to leave. His hand caught my arm in a swift motion.

“Adele, you can’t leave. You’ve already been in the sunlight too long. Much more of this and I won’t have you to look after,” he fumed.

I knew he was right, and I didn’t like it. I almost didn’t care if the sun slowly burned me until nothing was left but blackened dust atop the white snow. With an overdramatic huff, I tore my arm from his grasp and stormed off to one of the back rooms.

~

The day passed slowly. I tried to avoid Jasper, but that didn’t work out so well. Every once in awhile, I would peek out the brushed steel doors of The Pulse, waiting for the sun to go down. Jasper would attempt to calm me, occasionally saying he was sorry, or trying to wrap his arms around me. I stole away from him each time, until it reached late afternoon when I had finally calmed down enough to forgive him. I stopped watching the sun.

Twilight came. The first employees were arriving. Jasper had convinced me to stay for the night, for safety reasons. Not only was it an escape from Liam, but if they were coming tonight, it was unlikely they’d attack at a full club.

The first of many people were beginning to line up outside, waiting for The Pulse to open. Music began pumping through the large speaker systems. Just before the doors opened, the normal lights faded and were replaced with a mixture of red, blue, green, and yellow. The colors danced around the floor with a speed to match the tempo of the current song. Deep red lights faded in. They gave a soft illumination from the bottom to the top of the high walls.

Jasper went to the front door and peeked his head out to tell the bouncer it was time. Within moments, the club was already full of ravenous humans. Few vampires came there; maybe one or two within the span of a week. Usually they had been hunting and followed their prey here. They would capture the attention of their prey; pry into their minds so the poor human was entranced. Then they would lure them into one of the back rooms, or away from the club to a nearby forest, and consume their life.

It may not be the most glamorous lifestyle, but it’s ours and ours alone. Humans hunt animals and kill to survive. We must do the same.

“Come with me,” Jasper said in a normal-toned voice. No human would have heard his words over the music. It was loud, the bass pulsating through the walls and floors as though it were the club’s own heartbeat.

I followed him through a mass of people. I held my breath. Their warm blood smelled so…tempting. I tried to shake the thought from my mind.

As soon as I was off the dance floor and back in Jasper’s office at the club, I took a deep breath. This room smelled of an odd type of flower, which wasn’t surprising considering it was painted blood red, with a shiny gold airbrushed pattern around the ceiling and purple flowers scattered in random places. There was a lone window, with such thick, heavy drapery covering it that I doubted a single ray of sunlight could come through if it tried. The chairs were wide with a slick, black fabric snug around them tight. Fitting in one of the corners, a couch with matching upholstery lined a portion of the wall. There were little round pillows wrapped in elegant fabrics sitting in a display against the corner.

“What’s going on?” I questioned.

“I doubt they’re going to show up tonight. They’re probably already here, in town at least, and getting to know the area,” he explained.

“And…? What do you expect us to do about it tonight?”

“Nothing just yet…but I want to do something about it after the club closes…Around sunrise.” His eyes flicked to see my reaction.

“Jasper, are you seriously saying we have to…?”

He sighed and replied, “Yes, Adele.”

“Can’t we go tomorrow while it’s dark?” I emphasized the ‘dark.’ Though the sun blazed and sparkled against our ivory skin, there was one way we could withstand it for a short time. That way was to feed.

“No, we can’t. Tomorrow they might attack. We have to go tonight, and we can’t go while all of the humans are around. Our scent could attract them, and cause them to attack with no regard for who sees, or who gets hurt. There’s no way around it.”

I sighed with aggravation. The last thing I wanted to do was take another human’s life tonight. Though I needed to in order to survive, feeding was something I only did when I had to; when my eyes blackened, skin turned an unhealthily alabaster, and thirst scorched in my throat, consuming my whole being. Plus, it wouldn’t be good for too many people to go missing around here. I usually traveled to a well populated area to feed.

I eyed Jasper up and down. I was trying to think of an alternative, but nothing came to mind. This truly was the only way to keep safe and track down the dirty mongrel werewolves who had a thirst for vampire blood.

“Can’t you close up an hour early so we can leave sooner? And not have to feed?” I was on the verge of begging him.

His expression said it all. We had no choice, and we would have to take lives tonight.

Jasper was changed many years before I was, and lost all humanly emotions towards anyone, or anything, besides another vampire. I, on the other hand, am still a young vampire. It was easy to take the life of someone who had nothing here in this town; newcomers, elderly, even homeless, though the taste of cheap alcohol in their blood was something that made me cringe.

We exchanged glances, and both headed onto the dance floor to find our next meal. “Take your time to find someone with a good scent. Rich blood that will last you,” Jasper said quietly as we emerged from his secluded, confined office.

I gave him a nod and joined the throng of dancing, unsuspecting humans. I danced along with them, making my way amongst them to find the one with the sweetest scented blood. One man with waved brown hair came up to me from behind. He took my hands in his, holding them above our heads. I danced against him for a moment, just long enough to bring his arm near my face to smell his blood. It seemed so typical, common.

I slinked my way from him and continued my search. Nobody seemed to catch my interest. Somehow I had made my way through the crowd and near the front door. A few drunk, exhausted, obviously underage humans exited, and a few more humans entered. I was about to turn and make my way back through, but then a scent surrounded and engulfed me. A scent so sweet, my entire body burned with thirst and desire.

I turned to see a man walking through the doors. The wind that blew in through the open doors wisped through his chocolate brown hair, naturally highlighted with golden tints. It practically knocked me breathless. His skin was already quite pale, creating a contrast against his hair. This man’s piercing green eyes scanned the crowd until our gazes met, and locked. The color of his eyes seemed to almost soften, and shimmer a slight silver when the overhead lights passed over his tall stature.

He started towards me, walking with a slow pace as if he were waiting to see if I would turn and disappear in the crowd. Humans weren’t usually this confident when approaching a vampire.

He grew closer, and I took the last step needed to bring our bodies mere inches from touching. Up close, his scent was even more captivating than when caught in the wind. I’m sure my eyes were growing darker with hunger the longer I stood by him. For a moment, all either of us could do was exchange an everlasting glance.

I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath, trying to capture his scent inside of me no doubt, and I sighed. Every time I inhaled, the aroma of his sweet blood intoxicated me. I tried to gain my composure. I had to stand on the tip of my toes to reach my lips to his ear, speaking my echoed voice to him softly.

I turned, and he followed me around the edge of the room. We approached the area where I had fed earlier, and I listened for heartbeats to find an empty room. Once I did so, I opened the door and led him in.

He shut the door behind us, and I turned to look at him with curious eyes. I hadn’t told him to shut the door; he had done it of his own will. Once captivated, humans were supposed to stay in a vampire’s control until they released them. Something about the way he held his composure so well told me he was unlike any other human…

This beautiful man took a single stride in my direction. His arms snaked their way around my hips, pulling me against him. The silver specs interlaced with green in his eyes were more noticeable now. His eyes shimmered in the dull candle light of the room.

His voice was a low, quiet whisper as he looked down upon me. “Hi, I’m Kaden,” he cooed into my ear. It sounded almost melodic to my ears, the tone so soft as if he were trying to keep me a secret from the world. The corners of his mouth rose into an irresistible smile, flashing the tips of his white teeth to me.

“I’m Adele,” I replied. My voice was so quiet it was almost inaudible. I raised the tip of my nose to his throat, taking in a long breath while my lips brushed along his soft skin, collar bone to jaw.

Goosebumps traced across his skin at my touch. He pressed our bodies closer together, and I could feel his heart begin to race inside of his chest. Kaden’s scent was growing more overwhelming every moment. I dragged the pointed tips of my teeth along my bottom lip, trying to resist his blood. I wanted to enjoy this as long as I could.

Kaden lowered his head, letting our lips almost touch, but not quite. His sweet breath swirled and teased my senses as he exhaled slowly against my cold skin. My eyes were slowly closing every moment our lips grew nearer. Kaden’s fingertips glided across my hip to grasp my right hand ever so softly in his. For a moment, our fingers twined before he released them, cupping the palm of his hand around my wrist. Slowly, his hand moved up my arm, across the back of my shoulders, and stopped at the nape of my neck. He playfully tangled my short locks of hair in his fingers, holding me in place.

His lips moved just enough to meet mine softly, catching my bottom lip between his. Our lips closed in around one another’s, slowly molding together. His left arm rose from my hips, tracing along my waist and to my ribs, and then curving around behind me.

Kaden’s fingers released my hair, reaching behind us to lock the door. He nudged me across the room until my back pressed against one of the steel walls, whose coldness I was immune to.

I could hear his heart, pounding and pulsating through his veins. It drove me crazy with desire. Kaden kissed me with a controlling, passionate forcefulness. His warm tongue traced the outline of where our lips met, softly parting them. Kaden’s mouth completely claimed mine. I could feel my skin begin to warm from the heat of his body against mine.

Kaden’s mouth broke from mine, and I gasped in a desperate breath. His lips moved to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses from one side to the other. Kaden’s teeth began to playfully nibble at my neck, right under my ear lobe.

I wrapped my fingers around his wrists, pulling him with me towards the couch. His hands grabbed a gentle, yet firm hold of me by my waist. His heart was racing faster than before, his blood heating and tempting me. Kaden was stronger than I had expected, and he picked me up just enough to hover above the ground before laying me down on the oversized couch.

He straddled himself over me, leaning in for another kiss. I let our lips touch for just a moment before gently rolling myself atop him. My throat was burning, craving, thirsting. I pinned his wrists level with our heads against the cushions.

My mouth lowered to his neck. I let my teeth trace along his neck until they reached the base. I pressed harder, and his skin punctured ever so slightly. Trickles of blood began to pour into my mouth, making me vulnerable and weak with thirst. I knew how it would be for him. Soft cries escaped Kaden’s mouth, though they were not cries of pain. Venom seeped from my fangs, buried deep in his skin, sedating the pain and intoxicating his mind. In Kaden’s thoughts, his mind would wander, imagining us together somewhere warm, comforting, and sensual. Despite my fangs digging deeper into him, draining his sweet, warm, pulsating blood, he would imagine he were somewhere happy until it was all over, and there was nothing left for me to take.

My eyes turned a milky white as I fed on his beautiful human. It was almost a shame… I breathed softly through my nose, letting his scent and taste consume me. It was hard to concentrate on anything but this moment. Kaden’s body was growing colder, and mine warmer.

I relaxed atop him, closing my eyes and breathing, drinking, so slowly as to savor every moment of it. Feeding on even a normal person made any vampire ignorant to the world around them. It was even more captivating with someone with such blood as his.

Kaden’s fingertips twitched in my palms, snaking their way to lace our fingers. It took me a moment to release my mouth from him, in awe that he was able to move. I looked in his eyes. They had turned back to green, glimmering with welting tears.

My eyes returned to normal as I examined the soft contours of his face. I could see pain as he cringed, yet tried to smile at me with sincerity. I looked upon him, tightening my grasp of his hand and whispered, “It’ll be over soon.” My lips returned to his neck to continue draining his sweet blood. My arms wrapped around him, trying to offer some comfort as I took his life.

While I slowly breathed in his aroma, another scent tainted his perfection. And I knew the scent. Before I had a chance to react, Liam had ripped me from atop Kaden. His arms held tight to me. I tried to struggle away, but had to no avail. Kaden’s warm irresistible blood was running through my veins, and my mind had no defense against wandering to thoughts of him. I knew Liam’s arms were locked around me. I knew we were speeding through the night. I could barely smell spruce and pine under his scent, still lingering on my skin.

I think I drifted unwillingly into a sleep, for the next time I opened my eyes I was in an odd room. Early morning rays of sunlight peeked through closed blinds, burning my skin where they touched.

From instinct, I jerked across the room. Kaden’s blood was still pulsating through me and offering some resistance to the sun. I relaxed a little as my eyes examined the room. There were two windows, one facing east, the other west. I didn’t notice much else, because the next thing that caught my eye was Liam.

He sat, silently, unmoving, on the opposite side of the room from me. I shuddered with anger.

“Where the hell am I?” I demanded.

“Exactly where you should be. With me,” he said with a smug smile.

“I want nothing to do with you,” I hissed.

He rose from his seat, making his way towards me. “But I want everything to do with you.”

“From how you left before, I highly doubt it.”

“Things were different then… Much more complicated.”

“You left me alone, Liam! When I needed someone most! This, everything I am. It’s all your fault!” I stood up, my fists balling and rage seeping through my every pore.

I flashed around the house, trying to find an escape, but the sun was everywhere. There was no way to leave.

Liam appeared in front of me, grasping my wrists with his utmost strength. The pressure would have shattered a human’s bones, but did little more than restrain me from moving. His lips moved to my ear, whispering softly.

Somehow still weak, half lost in thoughts of Kaden, half controlled by my memories; Liam’s voice lulled me to sleep.

My eyes strained to open. I was somewhere dark. My eyes scanned the walls. The room was small and empty. I spotted the door, and groggily made my way towards it. Of course, it was locked. And made of steel.

I made no attempt to try and escape. I pressed my back to the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. Against my will, memories began to flood my every thought. My body trembled in response, not wanting to see what I remembered.

The dark room, being trapped, feeling helpless… It felt the same as before. Except back then, I wasn’t alone in the room. Liam was there, and I was lost in some distant meadow. Our hands were interlaced and bodies close. A breeze had been blowing so softly, bringing the scent of flowers surrounding us. I couldn’t feel the slightest pain. I didn’t even know what was happening until clouds darkened the meadow. Rains began to pour, lightning flashed, and thunder rolled and rippled through my body.

The meadow faded. My vision was blurry, but I would recognize him anywhere. Liam was sitting at my side, knees pulled to his chest, hand caressing my face. Slowly the pain came back. I felt moisture seeping from somewhere on my neck, drenching my shoulder. I could smell rust. Everything in my sight turned red. I thought my entire body was engulfed in flames from the way it burned.

For what felt like years, I was immobile, completely helpless from the searing pain.

I grunted and stood up, shaking my head, trying to shake the memories. My changing was something I didn’t want to remember; and right now I didn’t want a reminder of why Liam had such a strong hold of me.

The scene kept playing back in my head, threatening my sanity. I paced the edges of the room. My fists pounded on the steel door, praying for escape. Tears betrayed me and began to fall from my blackened eyes. My limbs began to feel weak, and I fell to the floor.

My body curled up into a small ball. I wrapped my arms around my legs and hid my face between my knees. The darkness was all around me. The pain. The things I struggled to pretend weren’t real.

Tears flowed from my eyes like droplets of crystal. They padded softly against the floor. Darkness wrapped itself around me as I lost all consciousness.

The sound of struggle and angered grunts woke me. I instinctively jumped back as the steel door that had confined me was shoved open. Jasper stood before me, Liam knocked out at his feet. “Come on, Adele!” was all he said before grasping my arm and yanking me from the room.

With increasing speed, we ran through the night, wrapping the shadows around us. I was thankful for the darkness. The moon’s beams seemed to cover me in warmth and reassurance, as though night had slain the sun with its bloody, blameful blade.

I let the wind whip across my skin, flow through my hair, and carry every pain with it to be left lonely in the forest. The last traces of snow were melting to the damp ground beneath my feet, being all that was left of winter. Sharp breaths of air cleared my lungs from the scent of Liam. My lips pulled into a grin, leaving my alabaster teeth flashing in the moon’s light.

Jasper glanced at me, worry in his eyes. We approached the ends of the forest, and I slowed to a stop next to him. “I’m okay, Jasper. He didn’t do anything to me…” Even I could hear my voice crack with the words. No, he hadn’t done anything that night. Aside from holding me captive, forcing the memories of what he had done consume me.

“He shouldn’t be here. Liam doesn’t deserve the courtesy I extended.” For the first time, I noticed the tremors that waved through Jasper’s body. His eyes were distant, looking at me but not seeing me. His mouth was drawn in a severe line. I could feel his anger. He left Liam alive, and he wished he had taken his life just then.

“It’s okay--”

“No, it’s not! He left you alone. He turned you, and left you alone to go through the first year alone. When I found you, you were out of control. You would have killed anything with a pulse that came in your way. You almost attacked me! Adele, Liam brought another burden to the humanity of this world, and set it free. We are far from natural. Our kind shouldn’t walk this earth. We shouldn’t be alive!” His voice trailed. “If you could even call us that.”

I stood there, stunned, unmoving. Before I could respond, a wind blew around us. It carried a scent that burned my lungs. Werewolf.

[Ryankia]

Ok - I have a couple of things in general. The story is good, has potential, but could really be a lot better grammatically.

1. Mix up your sentences more and don't use "I" or "My" for beginning them. This will hold the readers attention longer and not feel repetitive as well.

2. Ever learned the 'that' rule? If it can be replaced or removed without changing the meaning, then do so. " I practically ran inside my front door, thanking Lord for the heat that now surrounded me" - 'That' can be changed to 'which', without changing the meaning and purpose of the sentence. The sentence can also be slightly rephrased to eliminate the need for 'that'.

Just a couple of things for you to chew on for the time being.

[x_lovely09]

Mm no I never did learn that rule! :] If I did, I don't remember it. But thanks! I'll probably go back and mix up some words later when I have a bit more time.

thanks!

[PhantomGuardian]

Oh bananahamas! This is realllllly good. You're going to get the next chapter up soon right?????
Bext vamprie fic I've read on this site! You inspire me!

[x_lovely09]

Haha you really like it that much? :]]] <3
Eep thanks! && I've been trying to work on the 2nd chapter.
But this past week I've been really sickly, which is why I haven't been online.

But I'm going to get to it. :]
I'm also kindda writer's blocking.
But once that's past -- I'll finish up the 2nd chapter, which'll hopefully be longer than this one, and post it!

[Ryankia]

Ok

1. You seem to have a heavy addiction to adverbs. Adverbs are meant to be used with caution and infrequency. Definitely go through this chapter and work on rewording to eliminate a lot of their usage.

2. 'That' - a word which is used way too often in literature by many. If you can remove it without changing the meaning of the sentence, or change it with which or something else, then do it. It has specific instances where it is ok, but otherwise, it should not be used.

3. Hyphens - there are several places where you have combined words, which don't make a word combined. They need to be hyphenated or changed to something else.


Those are my comments for now. Should give you a bit to work on.

[Razor]

Let me start with: Good job, I liked the story.

Let me continue with: This is solid throughout, there are some ways to strengthen it

You really shined when the dialog entered the story, and everything picked up. On the other hand, the beginning was a little slow as you developed the story. I'm not sure, off hand, how to improve that. I say this only because some readers decide in the first a paragraph or two whether they will continue reading, and it'd be shame for them to miss out on the rest.

Some little things could be tightened up, here is an example:

My hands fumbled as they prepared the coffee maker. Soon, a warm aroma filled the room

It doesn't have the strength of writing the rest of this piece had. "My hands fumbled with the coffee maker until a warm aroma filled the room." Says the same thing and is a stronger read.

I realize sometimes you want to portray certain things with the extra words and that's what a good writer does, but there is a balance, that they must be used in moderation or it disrupts the story.

I swiveled on the ball of my foot to make my way to the living room, but stalled

This sentence doesn't describe whats going on very well, at a time when the reader is anxious to know exactly how everything is playing out. Do you mean she actually swiveled...or that she started to... or was going to, but stalled because of the sound she heard. If Liam is coming from the living room, make it apparent that he is behind her as she pours the coffee. "I start to turn back into the living room, but...," or "My intention to go back into the living room is forgotten has I hear the slightest shift in the beige ..." whatever. You get the point.

One other thing...I didn't know it was a female Vampire....until late in the story. I mean the first indication of any kind is the name. I mean there was the interaction between Liam and the main character...but I try not to assume anything, because hey writers can write however he/she wants. Putting in a few descriptives of the character at the beginning, like the shower scene, work in the water flowing over her lithe hourglass frame, or something like that would be help me anyways.

Like I said, I enjoyed this. The writing is good, and it kept me reading despite being in a Vampire/Werewolf setting which has been written time and time again.

Good job, keep it up.

[xtremelady]

Think needs more about the character – her background – her thoughts – how she feels – who the werewolf is to her/motivations – and how she regards him – what they mean in your story.

A good beginning hope to read more

[Vorcla]

A lot of promise here. Personally, I shy away from the use of first person in stories, unless they're fairly short. Gets you away from the constant repetition of "I" and "my." You do have some good descriptions here, and good use of language. All the tools are in hand; now you just need to write until your fingers bleed!

[RENA HANDS]

Shouldn’t ‘the’ be in front of …

thanking the Lord…?

And shouldn’t it be ‘the’ here…

and soaking the bottom of my pant legs.?

Instead of ‘this.’?

What about saying…

It felt like needles piercing my skin with every crystal clear droplet.?

And what about saying…

yet I remained standing underneath the water.?

Your sixth paragraph is it all one? The spacing seems off. Also the last sentence is missing a period.

I am not too sure about just saying ‘practically,’ ‘slightly,’? Can you show more actions of hesitation or distress as opposed to writing the words?

What is ‘ochre?’

We both know…I was trying to collect…

these sentences should be separated. There’s a lot of ‘BUTs’ in this paragraph.

This story is being told in the present tense, yes?

What about saying…my eyes fluttered to clearing my vision.? Or something similar.

It should be…

Last night’s occurrences…

This is awkward…

I knew if Jasper discovered Liam had come,…

What about…

I knew if Jasper had discovered Liam’s presence/arrival, he would have been more infuriated than he was already.

(I switched ‘was’ and ‘already.’)

Liam would have been so considerate to ‘place the phone to the side?’ What about saying…

Liam tossed the phone…a miss, crash/thump/clank as it slammed to the floor.?

You don’t have to use his name so often. We know there is just the two of them in the room.

You could just say…

which was coated/frosted/glazed by fluffy snow.

( I think.)

How can you toss a cell phone ‘lightly?’

You are rushing through the actions of this story. It could almost be separated into different chapters other than how you have presented it.

As you describe the ‘decrease’ of acceleration, why not show the foot pulling off or staggering/stomping against the break pedal?

Sorry, you’ve lost my interest. You have compacted to much into one ‘Chapter.’