[FoxInari]

Synopsis: A young thief and his companion, while stealing from a rich merchant, encounter a Guardsman, and bad luck follows.


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Maro was small for his species. At exactly four feet tall, he was a whole foot and a half shorter than the rest of his race. He was a Durrow, a wolflike race that was characterized by long, shaggy, jet black fur and a square muzzle.

He lived on the streets of Dógasuiléol- the capital of Camea- because his parents had died soon after Maro was born, leaving him an orphan in Dógasuiléol. He had given himself the name Maro which meant 'me' or 'myself' in Camen,the language that the Cameans spoke.

The Cameans lived in the northern part of Camea (while Durrow mostly live in the southern part) but are very similar to Durrow. In fact, their only difference is one of coloring, the Cameans having fur that tends to be grey or brown, sometimes speckled with traces of both.

At an early age, Maro had had to learn to fend for himself. He had 'partnered' with an older orphan named Sasa, who helped him greatly. She taught him the tricks she and the other orphans used to get by, namely pick-pocketing and other arts of the thief.

He was a quick learner and was very good at it. He rarely got caught, and if he did, he usually managed to outfox his captors and escape unidentified. When Maro turned ten and Sasa was sixteen, they were introduced to the world of the housebreaker.

Thieves (with a capital 't'), or those thieves who made their living breaking into homes and establishments, were a tight-knit group. They kept to themselves and protected their comrades. Despite this, there were very often intense rivalries between individual Thieves, each trying to perform more impressive heists than their rivals.

There was one item that all Thieves had, a Hoktoi. The Hoktoi was a knife made of dimondel, a steel that was diamond-like in its strength and keenness. The blade curved forward over and down the knuckles, and tapered to a razor sharp point. The handle was only a paw's width wide and, because these Hoktoi were personalized, often only fit the Thief who made them.

Maro had made two, one for each paw, to fit the fighting style he was most familiar with. Each had an image of a fox carved into the handle, which represented Cailen, the god of thieves.

Now, Maro was sixteen. He and Sasa crouched in an alley together, both intently watching the building across the street from them. The building was the office of some wealthy merchant or other, neither Maro nor Sasa really cared exactly who. It had large grounds, and the building itself was surrounded by hired mercenary guards. The merchant was said to be very paranoid about his money. Maro was mischievously delighted to make the merchant's nightmares come true.

"How many guards?" Sasa asked him quietly, taking care not to be overheard by passerby. He counted the guards he could see, and estimated for those he couldn't.

"No more then six or seven, and our informant told us they are all on the outer wall." He replied.

Sasa was thoughtful. "Did you see that gate in the East Wall? Do you remember if there were any guards around it?" she asked.

Maro shook his head. "Hmm," Sasa mused, "Perhaps if you can pick it, we'll have an easy way in, away from the Guards."

"I'd feel best if we did it at night, then. And we'll need to make sure the hinges are well oiled." Maro warned.

Sasa laughed, "You always plan ahead, don't you?" 'Yes' was Maro's serious answer.

As darkness fell and streets became empty, Maro felt an uncharacteristic anxiety that had nothing to do with nerves. It was the feeling one gets when something horrible is about to happen, but you can't quite tell what or when. If Maro were older and more cautious, he would not have dismissed the feeling the way he did.

The East Gate was unlocked. It was at that point that Maro's instincts should have told him there was something very wrong happening, but Maro dismissed it as luck or Cailen's favor and thought no more of it. He and Sasa crept across the grounds, keeping to the deepest shadows and making as little noise as possible.

Sasa was better at unlocking windows than she was at doors, and quickly gained them entrance through a small basement window that Maro barely fit through. Her slender form fit through more easily, demonstrating the reason she had first been included in Thief groups.

The room was a storage room, filled with the various objects the merchant sold. The plan between them was that Maro would stay here and grab anything that would sell for a decent price- as much as he could carry in a single sack and on his person, and Sasa would go find - and rob - the coffers.

Nodding to each other, they quietly went about their tasks. Sasa drew her Hoktoi, more in nervous habit than in anticipation of an attack, as she slunk through the building. Her Hoktoi was slightly longer than Maro's, and was lighter because it was meant to be thrown instead of wielded. The building was empty, and there were no lights to see by. It was only her keen night vision that kept her from bumping into the walls. The darkness was so complete, however, that keeping from bumping into walls was about all she could do.

The basement seemed devoted entirely to storage, so Sasa took the stairs up to the ground floor. The door at the top of the stairs took her into a parlor or drawing room of some type, presumably where the merchant entertained his more important clientele.

There were a few baubles that Sasa thought might be worth something. However, she ignored them, not forgetting her true target. She quietly entered the next room.

Maro was very thorough in filling the sack. He had grabbed everything small that could be sold, and then put on as much jewelry as he could. When he finished, he had twenty bracelets of various precious metals around each wrist, several earrings (the most extravagant of which he decided he wanted for himself, just because he could), four or five anklets around each ankle, and a ring on every finger. There was, also, a gold-plated display broadsword, of the kind a soldier's mate and family received in memorial for being killed in action. Unfortunately, it wouldn't fit in the sack. He made sure not to wear anything that would jangle or otherwise make noise.

It was as he was admiring a cunningly made sapphire goblet that he heard a shout from the floor above. The shout was followed by scuffling, and Sasa's voice, "Maro, get-" she was cut off in midshout.

For a moment, Maro was torn with indecision. He could either make clean his getaway, or help his friend. In the end, loyalty succeeded over greed in his mind, and he drew his Hoktoi from their sheathes on his lower back as he raced upstairs, running on the balls of his feet to keep quiet.

It was quiet. He was in a drawing room, and there was only one door out. Holding his weapons in a ready-stance, he put his shoulder into the door. This room was also surprisingly quiet, but what attracted Maro's attention was Sasa, lying inert on the ground. He rushed to her, but she was - it seemed - already dead.

Maro was stunned. For a moment, he simply couldn't comprehend that his friend who had helped him survive on the streets-and who was his only friend-was dead. His Hoktoi slid out of his paws, and clattered loudly on the floor. The noise snapped him back to reality, and he quickly snatched the twin blades up, wary.

Even Maro's keen eyes couldn't quite penetrate the darkness of the room. There could be dozens of enemies hiding in the shadows, and Maro would never know until their knives entered his back. Dropping into a defensive crouch, Maro began moving toward the door he'd just kicked in.

Before he reached it, a figure emerged from the shadows, slashing at Maro's face. The young Thief had to dodge quickly to avoid injury. Unfortunately, he was too unbalanced, and fell hard on his back-a very vulnerable position. Maro kicked up hard with his legs, catching his assailant in the chin and throwing him onto his back in turn.

Maro used his forward momentum to spring himself upright. Knowing he could easily be trapped in the room if he didn't move quickly, Maro jumped over his supine opponent and through the door, not even bothering to collect one of his Hoktoi that had fallen out of his grasp when he'd fallen.

He needed to get out of the building, but he had no idea which direction to start. The room he'd just left seemed to be the only way to the front door from the basement, and in the basement Maro would have nowhere to run. Yet the basement was the Durrow Thief's only option.

The figure who attacked him-and killed Sasa - emerged from the doorway, holding Maro's other Hoktoi as well as his own knife. He was much older, Camean, and obviously a Merchant Guard- a hired ex-soldier or Guardsman who served as a guard for merchant caravans and, sometimes, storehouses.

Maro knew he had no chance now. He had no choice but to fight or surrender, and this was a trained soldier. The young Thief dropped his remaining Hoktoi and raised his open palms out to his sides in the universal gesture of surrender.

"Oh, no. My orders are to kill all intruders, and make sure word doesn't get out. It would be bad for business, you see." The Merchant Guard said, kicking Maro's dropped Hoktoi back to him and tossing him the other. Maro quickly grabbed his weapons and dropped into a crouch.

He didn't want to be the one to attack, so he made no move to engage the ex-soldier. The Merchant Guard had other plans, however. He came in fast and hard, slashing with his knife toward Maro's midriff. Being at the top of a flight of stairs, Maro could not dodge backward.

The clever Thief instead threw himself forward, and blocked the slash with one arm, driving the Hoktoi in the other paw into the Merchant Guard's shoulder. The guard's response was to backhand Maro hard across the muzzle, drawing blood and smashing the young Durrow to the floor.

Maro groaned, and wiped his bloody nose with his arm. He had to quickly roll out of the way as the Merchant Guard stabbed at him, and he was now closer to the door than his opponent. Maro got up and, ducking a wild thrust by the guard, pushed the larger Camean as hard as he could, then ran through the door.

He ran through the building, putting his shoulder into door after door, until he finally burst through the main doorway. His opponent was close on his heels. As Maro ran across the grounds that the Merchant owned, he could hear the Merchant Guard's panting as the Camean forced his larger frame to run after him.

He suddenly felt an impact, and his shoulder erupted in pain. The guard had thrown his knife at him! Maro forced himself to keep going. By Maro's memory, the gate wasn't too far, and Maro knew the streets of Dógasuiléol well enough to get away safely...though only if he reached them.

As he reached the gate, the Merchant Guard stumbled, and Maro was able to get through ahead of the Camean. However, he jarred his shoulder on the heavy gate, and Maro heard a loud snap. His shoulder in excruciating pain, Maro was forced to run for several blocks with a broken shoulder.

When he was sure that he'd thrown any possible pursuit, Maro slipped into a side alley to look at his injuries. As far as Maro could feel, there was no bone protruding through the skin, and the bones seemed to be in the right places. Therefore, Maro assumed that the bones were merely fractured, and if he held it in place with a sling to prevent movement, it would heal on its own.

The wound left by the Guard's knife was more severe. Luckily, the blade did not entirely make it through Maro's shoulder blade. However, it was still very deep, and judging from the amount of blood loss and the weakness that Maro was feeling, the knife must have reached a very large vein. Maro knew almost as much about the body as a Healer or surgeon, but could not remember the name of the lacerated vein.

The only first aid Maro could do was create a tourniquet to stop the blood loss. However, Maro was unsure as to whether or not doing this would damage his shoulder any more than it already was.

Despite his doubts, Maro used his tunic to create both items. Once he had applied the first aid, Maro again began his way through the streets. His goal was Tanilith, the largest Temple in Dógasuiléol. It was originally dedicated to just Sirius and Mytandar, but had expanded to encompass all Camean deities.

The Clerics there offered food, rest, and Healing to all who asked for it. Right now, Maro felt he needed all three. Maro knew he was only about five blocks away, but anything could happen in those five blocks, and with his shoulder out he couldn't climb.

Maro decided to take the long route, using various side alleys and thiefways (narrow passageways under city streets, separate from the sewer system)to keep out of view of possible guards or rival Thieves.

After fifteen minutes of sneaking through the city, Maro reached Tanilith. Tanilith was actually a group of buildings, the largest of which was the Temple itself. A small building near it was the Infirmary, and a larger building a few hundred paces further away was the Cleric school, where Clerics learned their magical arts and were versed in the particulars of worship of every Camean god or goddess.

The main Temple was well-lit inside, and was warmed with the heat of the thousands of candles honoring the many deities of the Camean pantheon. Maro entered this building first, and walked down the hall until he found the shrine honoring Cailen, the god of Thieves.

He took off all of the jewelry except the smallest pair of silver earrings and placed it in the bowl before the life-size statue of a male fox which symbolized Cailen. The statue was so realistic and lifelike that Maro almost thought it was a living fox.

Traditionally, only a Thief could make an image of Cailen, and Maro wondered whether or not Tanilith had paid true to the tradition. "Yes, young Thief, we have." Said a voice from behind Maro.

Maro whirled around, nearly drawing his Hoktoi, to see an elderly Priest. The Priest was tending the candles in the shrine across from Cailen's, a female jackal made of onyx, representing Mytandar as the Goddess of Death.

"How'd you know what I was thinking?" Maro asked.

The Priest chuckled, "Because only Thieves visit that shrine, and every Thief who visits this shrine of the Thief Lord for the first time wonders the same thing."

"Now, I see you have injuries. I'd assume you came for Healing?" The Priest asked, gesturing to Maro's shoulder. The Durrow Thief nodded. The Priest moved close to Maro, placing his paws gently on either side of Maro's shoulder.

Listening closely, Maro could hear the Priest praying to Cailen to grant him the ability to Heal. A few moments later, warmth spread throughout his shoulder and arm, and the weakness he had felt earlier was lifted. When the Healing was finished, Maro's shoulder was completely healed, with no mark to reveal there ever had been an injury.

Maro was then conducted by the Priest to the Bath Houses of Tanilith. Tanilith's Bath Houses, unlike the public ones, were smaller and there were even private baths, meant for people who were shy, or for couples.

Maro allowed the Acolytes to take away his pants and loincloth and provide him with a handmade tunic, pants, and loincloth which had been fitted to his size. Meanwhile, he washed up and groomed himself. When he was clean and dressed, a pair of Acolytes showed him his room and brought him a dinner of stew and wine.

Maro eagerly ate all of the stew, but did not finish the wine (though he certainly tried). Then, he slept, for the very first time in an actual bed stuffed with down feather. His dreams were troubled, filled with guilt over Sasa's death.

The next morning, Maro visited the shrine to Cailen, found and thanked the Priest who had healed him, and then stepped out into the streets of Dógasuiléol. He soon disappeared amidst the large crowd of pious Cameans visiting the shrines.

He did not see a slim, athletic female Durrow who followed him, her face hidden by a deep hood. The female smiled, and fingered her long, thin hoktoi that was meant for throwing. She wondered how long she should wait before surprising him.
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DICTIONARY AND REFERENCE (VERY POORLY PUT TOGETHER, AS YET)

I tried to keep everything within the context of this story without mentioning further elements from my universe that have not been mentioned or explained in the above story, which is why the dictionary seems unfinished.

Durrow [durr-row]:

A sentient race that, in the manner humans are descendant from primates, is descended from wolves. They are anthropomorphic (they stand upright, talk, and [generally] act like humans). Their fur is long and jet black. Their eyes, much like those of their wolvish ancestors, are blue until puberty - at which point they turn yellow. Durrow are generally about 5'x" tall, though they can reach 6'.

Dógasuiléol [DOE-gah-soo-eel-AY-ole]:

The Capital of Camea. One of the oldest Camean cities, Dógasuiléol is home to thousands of Cameani (see Camea). It was a key fortress during the Firstborn Wars (see my note below) and has always been the place where Camean kings were crowned. Dógasuiléol emerged from the Firstborn Wars as the Capital of Camea, because until the Wars, the Capital of Camea was basically, wherever the king was. The Cameans had realized the advantage in having a fixed capital, and naturally chose their oldest city.

Camea [ka-me-ah]:

The land controlled by the Cameans. The nationality is called - regardless of race - Cameani. The largest nation on the continent, Camea is approximately the size of Russia. Its natural resources include wood, grain (grown in the expansive plainsland), and precious metals such as Silver, Dimondel, and Copper, among others. The entire southern half of the country is dominated by the dense Tarakalé (rain)Forest, home to the Durrow.


Maro Cailental* [mah-row][ka-eel-en-tal]:

The protagonist of this little story. A male Durrow, approximately sixteen years of age. He is a Thief, who commonly partners with fellow orphan and Theif, Sasa Cailental.
His skills as a Thief are unsurpassed, and his Hoktoi are better-built than most of those of his peers. His Hoktoi bear an image of Cailen (a male fox) close to the hilt, and Maro is very conscientious about the offerings he makes to the Lord of Thieves, always offering an amount of his take to the shrine at Tanilith or one of the many shrines throughout the Capital. He fights with a two-weapon style that is very graceful, yet efficient. Maro's knowledge of the body helps him target the most vulnerable spot in his enemies, he prefers a one-hit kill, if he must. He is very good with the set of picks he keeps in his boots (which are uncommon for a Durrow or Camean to wear, and thus make him stand out), and he has an instinctive knowledge of what doors are locked and which are not.

*'Cailental' literally tranlates to 'the Thief'. It is the surname traditionally taken by orphans of Dógasuiléol.

Sasa Cailental [sa-sa][ka-eel-en-tal]:

The companion of Maro, Sasa is older (twenty-ish) and tries to take care of Maro, though in their shared profession, Maro is by far the better Thief, but he is young and takes more risks. Sasa is slender and her specialty is unlocking windows. Unlike Maro, Sasa
avoids fight and combat if she can, preferring to think her way out of harm. She is an excellent actress, and is extremely good at improvisation.

Camen [ka-men]:

The language spoken by Cameani. Different from Durric (the Durrow native tongue) in very few ways, Camen is technically a dialect of Durric (a very widely spoken dialect, albeit).

Thieves (with a capital 't'):

A Thief is anyone, Durrow, Camean or otherwise, who follows the Thief God, Cailen. They are distinguished by their Hoktoi, a unique handmade knife. Thieves characteristically steal only from merchants (usually the richer merchants) and sometimes govornment officials, in a steal-from-the-rich-and-give-to-the-poor-(and-pay-your-rent) way. They never steal more than they need and always donate a portion of their take to shrines of Cailen and other gods. This, in effect, goes to the poor, which is what the Shrine caretakers do with it. A very tight-knit group, Thieves often work alone or in very small groups, with intense rivalries between groups. Because they are otherwise upstanding members of the community, and because they are known for their loyalty to Camea, Thieves are not oulawed. However, their traditional weapon - the Hoktoi - is illegal to be carried in Dógasuiléol, carrying the relatively minor punishment of eighty lashes with the Soukou (a whip similar to the nautical cat o' nine tails).

Hoktoi [hock-oy] or [hock-oh-ee]:

Forthcoming, I need to come up with a good definition that goes beyond what's said in the story.

Dimondel [dee-mon-dell]:

A metal unique to this universe. Dimondel is black in color and absorbs light very well (think 'stealth' black). It has a texture similar to steel, but is much lighter. Chemically (ahem), Dimondel is basically pure carbon with a little bit of iron. (Whereas steel is pure iron with a little bit of carbon). This gives it unique properties quite unlike ordinary iron or steel. Like a diamond, Dimondel is extremely hard, and can cut through most other materials. Also like a diamond, the edge on Dimondel blades does not need sharpening (though soldiers carry 'soft stones' that they use to maintain the necessary habit of sharpening). Unlike a diamond, Dimondel is not susceptible to shear strain (look up 'shear strain' online, y'all can figure it out).

Merchant Guard:

An ex-soldier who is hired by a merchant to protect his cargo. Simple as that.

Tanilith:

The primary temple in Dógasuiléol, the story explains more about it.

Sirius and Mytandar [see-ree-us] , [my-tan-dar]:

The main god and goddess of the Camean pantheon, Sirius stands for chaos, unpredictibility, and instability. Mytandar is his opposite / equal, standing for order, law, and knowledge. They are always portrayed together, because they are Mates.

Cailen [ka-eel-in]:

The god of Thieves, brother of Sirius.

NOTE: The Firstborn Wars was a great war about a thousand years prior to this story. Similiar to our World Wars, the Firstborn Wars encompassed eight nations and nine species

['Ginnis]

Hey Fox, Gurdit's offline at the moment (he's having some computer work done). I'm going to take care of publishing this for you, however, before I move it into the forum I need to speak with an administrator. I'm having trouble deleting the editing comments, which we delete before publication so that no one sees the nit-pickys. It's just a small glitch we've experienced with the upgrade. Thanks for your patience and bare with me. I'll publish this as soon as I get an answer.

[FoxInari]

Thanks. When you publish this, which forum will it be in?

[Gurdit]

It's already been published under "Advanced>>Fantasy"
I'll post a proper critique of this sometime soon. I got my internet back some time ago, but Kara had already published this for me, so a thank you is due to her.

[RENA HANDS]

Question, how does one become ‘born,’ if one’s parents died prebirth?
What about saying…to perform more impressive heists than their counter parts? (So that you can avoid using rivals twice so close together?) Or a variation of rivalries?
For me you are rushing the action and imagery. You’re not really giving time for absorption of anything. You’re simply telling us he did this or she did that, etc. etc..

So with greater age comes experience this is what you mean with…

If Maro were older and more cautious…,?

I think…It was at (this) that point that Maro’s instincts…

What about…The room was a storage (area) room, (avoid using room so close together).

Not certain about the ‘however,’ here, still the sentence/idea is abrupt…

The darkness was so complete (?) that keeping from bumping into walls was about all she could do.

Too rushed for my taste. This reads like some type of video game inspirer*. Is it? I rate 2/5!

[FoxInari]

Thanks for pointing out the 'before he was born' error, I thought I'd gotten that fixed.

Apologies to any and all who think that it's too short. Originally these were written for a short-story contest, which had a limit on the word count.