[Zoidberg]

Synopsis: Three kids discover an old board game, the likes of which they have never seen.

Author's Note: Now, I also plan on making this a series (Don't worry, I'm still writing the other one). About the Genre, I'm not sure if this should have been put anywhere else. Also, I hope when Mike is reading the book, it doesn't seem to boring. I just had to find out some way to explain it all.


“Hey, Jim, what’s this?” Mike questioned as he lifted up an old cardboard box. The box was as blue as a sapphire, with large black letters that read, ‘Spirits’. Three silver lines swirled and intersected as they twisted around the lettering. The entire box glinted in the single ray of sun that shone through the attic window.

Jim, the teenager whose parents owned the lake house, answered, “I don’t know, probably some board game. Read the back.”

“There isn’t enough light,” Mike said, flipping the box over.

Henry, the third kid in the room, ran over to Mike and turned on his flashlight. “Is that better?” he asked.

“Yeah, thanks.” Mike took the flashlight from Henry. “It says, ‘Spirits is a kit for understanding and summoning the supernatural. It is a portal to another world, a world that borders our own. You see, spirits of the deceased, the land, and the very emotions of a room’s occupants manifest themselves in a way in which that cannot be seen or sensed by any other means, except through the use of this kit. Using these supplies and this handbook, you yourself can experience the stuff of legend.”

“What a load of crap,” Jim said. “The thing’s just like a Ouija board. It’s just a hoax.

“Why, have you played this before?” Henry asked. Henry was always the sensible one. He had the best grades in the entire 8th Grade.

“No. I’ve never seen the thing before in my life.”

“Well then how do you know it doesn’t work?” Henry snapped, “And wait a minute, isn’t this your lake house?”

“Well, we just bought the place two years ago, and we’re only here in the summer, and this place is like at least a hundred years old. Anyone could have left it here.”

“Well I say we try it out,” Mike said.

“I concur,” Henry agreed. For some reason, he enjoyed flaunting his advanced vocabulary.

“Well, just to prove you wrong, we’ll play.” Jim said.

Mike stood up from where he crouched in the corner of the attic, and the three made their way down the ladder and onto the second floor. They headed down the stairs of the house and moved into the parlor. From there, they could sit at the card table and had a nice view of the beach.

“God, it’s warm in here,” Mike complained, pulling on the collar of his t-shirt. “Henry, open a window.”

Henry headed over to the window and opened it, allowing the sound of the rushing waves to fill the room.

“Okay,” Mike said. “Everyone sit down.”

The boys took seats at three side of the rectangular table. Mike sat at the head, facing the door that led to the beach. Henry was to his left, and Jim was to his right. Jim was obviously unhappy, and he crossed his arms and slouched in his seat.

“Now, let’s start.” Mike opened the box and set the top on the floor, age’s worth of dust floating off and filling the room in a cloud of powder. Inside were a board, a book, a wooden triangle, and four candles; one white, one green, and two blue. The candles had charred wicks and hardened droplets of wax stuck to the sides, showing that they had been used. Mike took out all the candles and the book and set them on the side of the table. He took out the board and placed it in front of him. The board had six colors that were connected with lines, forming a hexagon. Clockwise, they were yellow, orange, red, blue, green, and black. In the middle of the hexagon was a large white spot.

“Okay, now let’s see what we have to do.” Mike took the book, which resembled a large handbook more than a instruction pamphlet, and opened it to the table of contents. He turned to the Setting Up page and read. “‘To set up for a summoning ritual, you must first lay out the board.’ Okay, we got that.” Mike said, looking down at the cardboard mat on the table.

“‘Then, you must set out the candles. Form a triangle of candles around the board. The top candle must be the green one. Green represents life, and life is necessary to summon any spirit. Both the lower left and right hand corners must hold one of the two blue candles. Blue is the color of protection, and some spirits may be angry or even hostile to the fact that they have been summoned. The blue candles—’”

“I’m gonna grab a soda,” Jim interrupted.

“What?” Mike asked.

“I said I’m gonna grab a soda.”

“Whatever.”

Jim walked into the kitchen and came back a couple seconds later with an opened can of Coca-Cola. He took a couple sips. “Go on,” he said, waving his hand.

“Okay, now, ‘the blue candles offer protection against spirits. Blue candles only defend when they are lit. While a blue candle is lit, the Spirit cannot affect anything within ten feet of the candle. However, some particularly powerful spirits can attempt to destroy the blue candles. Others, the most powerful demons, elementals, and the mischievous poltergeist, can bypass the candles completely. In the event that you have unwittingly summoned a spirit too powerful for you to control, simply blow out the green candle.’ This sounds pretty dangerous.”

“Well, then I’m interested.” Jim said.

Henry laughed nervously. “Please, continue,” he said.

Mike cleared his throat, “Finally, place the white candle in the center of the board on the white spot. White represents Purity, and a pure atmosphere is necessary for summoning. Although the white candle is necessary for summoning, if it goes out, the spirit can still remain. If at any time the white candle is blown out after the summoning is completed, then it is a sign that a demon has entered your presence, and it is recommended that you immediately blow out the green candle." Mike's voice trailed off as he finished the sentence. He glanced at the others nervously.

He began again, "Light the candles when you begin summoning. Now, you must set the triangle. Place the triangle in the middle of the board, just below the white candle. For more information on the triangle, check Types of Spirits on the next page.”

Mike looked up expectantly at Henry and Jim. They just looked back at him. “Go on,” Henry said.

Mike flipped the page and read on. “‘There are four types of Spirits; Ghosts, Elementals, Pixies, and Demons. All spirits, except for elementals and some demons, are invisible. Ghosts can make themselves visible at will. You can tell what type of Spirit you have summoned during the summoning process. A Being Color and a Class Color indicate each spirit. The Being Color is first, and then the Class Color is second. The triangle will move across the board and onto the color of the corresponding spirit.

“Ghosts are the spirits of the deceased. When you summon a Ghost, the triangle will move to yellow. Then, it will move to orange, red, or green. Orange indicates that it is a poltergeist. Poltergeists bypass the blue candles.’” Mike paused. “What’s a poltergeist?”

Henry answered quickly, “It’s German for noisy ghost. They make noise and throw things.”

“Oh. Anyway, ‘Red indicates that it is malevolent. A malevolent ghost will do all it can to extinguish the blue candles and then harm the summoners. Green indicates that it is benevolent, and will actually help the summoners. Sometimes, benevolent Ghosts battle malevolent Spirits to protect the summoners.

“‘If the triangle moves to green, then the summoned spirit is a Pixie. Pixies always have a Class Color of yellow. Pixies are mischievous spirits, much like the Poltergeist, but cannot bypass the blue candles. They are not exactly harmful, but have been known to terrorize summoners much like a poltergeist.

“‘If the triangle indicates black, then the summoned spirit is an Elemental. Elementals always take the form of the element they belong to. Elementals cannot be summoned except if the necessary element is nearby. If the triangle then indicates blue, the elemental is a water elemental, summoned by a small puddle, a lake, river, or ocean. If red, it is fire, which can be summoned from a stove or a campfire. If orange, it is Earth, which could be summoned from stone, sand, or rich soil. If it is green, it is wind, which can be summoned on any windy day. The larger the elemental source used, the larger the elemental is summoned." The tension in the room was building, and the kids became so nervous that beads of sweat began to drip down their faces.

“‘Finally, if the Being Color is blue, the spirit is a demon. Demons are the most evil of spirits, and are the most powerful spirits other than some elementals. Another indication of a demon in your presence is if the white candle mysteriously extinguishes. If the Class Color is yellow, the demon is an Imp. Imps can be seen only in daylight, and in any other form of light they are invisible. An Imp cannot bypass the blue candles, but will do anything within its power to put them out. Imps often throw things to knock over the candles, or pour water on them to douse them. If the Class Color is orange, the Demon is a Hellfire. Hellfires are much like a Fire Elemental, but far more evil. Hellfires can bypass the blue candles by actually controlling them and putting them out. Red Class Color represents the Possessor demon, which is one of the most terrible spirits in existence. The Possessor cannot bypass the blue candles, but if they go out then the Possessor is free to do as it pleases. Possessors, as their name implies, possess humans. Not the Devil, but actually powerful Possessors have caused most exorcisms in history.

“I don’t know, guys, this just sounds too weird,” Henry said. Mike and Jim were surprised that he did not using any large words. They could tell he was nervous.

“Don’t worry; it’s all fake anyway,” Jim reassured him.

“Anyway,” Mike continued, “‘If the Class Color is Black, immediately blow out the Green candle and do not attempt another summoning. Black indicates that the Demon is a Duke, the most powerful and evil of spirits. If a Duke is summoned, he can bypass the blue candles and will almost always kill the summoners and all around them. Dukes are also highly charismatic and devious shapeshifters. If you blow out the candle before the Duke is summoned, still do not attempt another summoning of any spirit. Dukes have been known to cross voids into the human world even when not being called for summoning.’”

“Well, who wants to start?” Jim asked, as if ignoring what Mike had just read. Mike and Henry stared at each other, surprised that Jim did not recognize the gravity of the situation. “Well?” he added.

“Umm, okay.” Mike said, “What do you want to try summoning? I suggest we start small.”

“Whatever,” Jim said uncaringly.

“Let’s start with a Poltergeist!” Henry exclaimed. “I don’t think that’ll be so bad.”

Mike turned and looked at Jim. “What time do your parents get home?”

“My Mom will get home at around five. Its three now.”

“Okay, here we go. Let’s find the Poltergeist page.” Mike flipped through the book. “Ah, here it is. ‘Poltergeist. To summon a Poltergeist, first take a pot and pan.’ Jim, go get a pot and pan.”

“Why do I have to get it?” Jim shot at him.

“Well, because it’s your house.”

“Fine.”

“Oh,” Henry started, “We need matches too.”

“Okay, fine,” Jim said while heading into the kitchen. When he left, Henry whispered to Mike, “Do you really think this is such a good idea? I mean, what if it really works?

“Then if things get out of hand, we’ll just blow out the candle.”

“I guess,” Henry replied.

Just then, Jim came back in the room. In one hand he held an old copper-bottomed pot and a pan to match. In the other hand, he held a small book of paper matches. “Here you go,” he said to Mike, dropping the stuff on the table.

“Thanks,” Mike said, setting the stuff out on the side of the board. “Now, ‘next, light the candles in this order: Blue, Green, Blue, White.’”

Mike picked up the matchbook and struck a match. He lit the four candles in that order, then blew the match out and set it on the table.

“Now, ‘Recite the words Ghost of Noise, Ghost of Strife, Ghost of Mischief come to life. And then, take the pot and pan and clang them together.’ That seems easy enough.”

Mike picked up the pot and pan and recited, “Ghost of Noise, Ghost of Strife, Ghost of Mischief come to life.” He spread his arms apart, and clanged the two pieces of steel together. A loud clang resonated throughout the parlor.

For a second, nothing happened. Jim managed to utter a, “Man that was—,” before being cut off by a soft howling that resonated through the house. They all looked at the board, and the triangle slowly shifted over to yellow. Then, it moved right to the orange space. All of a sudden, the entire card table began to shake furiously and then began a steady rocking. Oddly enough, no candles tipped over.

All three teenagers just sat there, awestruck at was going on. The pot and pan were suddenly jerked from Mike’s hands. They just floated in midair for a second or two, and then they started to clang together fiercely above the table. A jar of mints on the counter in the kitchen flew across into the parlor and smashed against the wall, sending glass and red and white candies everywhere.

Henry broke out of his dumbfounded stupor long enough to lean over to the candles and blow the green one out. The rocking stopped. The pot and pan floating above the table crashed violently on the ground.

“Whoa,” Jim said coolly.

“Why didn’t the candles work?” Henry asked.

“The Poltergeist can bypass the candles, remember.” Mike replied.

“Let’s start out smaller next time.”

[Razor]

Sometimes, benevolent Ghosts sometimes battle malevolent Spirits to protect the summoners.

Sometimes used twice in within the sentence.

Good story, it kept me captivated.

I really wanted to know how it worked, and so I kept reading devouring everything you write. This was really well thought out. I like it when an author takes the time to think through the process and make sure it all adds up in the end.

One way to improve this is to add little snipets of what the kids are doing while the directions are being read. Say of the kid blanches at the blue candles not protecting against Poltergeist or whatever. Or that one kids starts playing with the helm of his blue jeans in a nervous attempt to not seem scared. Whatever, but sprinkling those in as they read the directions would be a nice touch I think. Also, the kid reading seems to be as stead as a rock, because he never paused or trailed off at the parts that might be a little intimidating, or even glanced around.

Other than that, the writing seems grammarically solid and a fine read, no rough spots that stood out to me. Very nice!

[Zoidberg]

Hey, Razor,

Thanks for the comment! I love whenever you post on one of my stories and I don't end up editing it for fourty five minutes. Just Kidding, your reviews are great.

Anyway, glad you liked it! I'll get right on to the editing.

Thanks!

[Jimbalaya]

Couple of nits first:

The entire box glinted in the single ray of sun that shone through the attic window.

Think you want 'sunlight' here. After all, you can't really get a ray of sun to shine through anything. It'd burn up first, I think.

“Well then how do you know it doesn’t work?” Henry snapped, “And wait a minute, isn’t this your lake house?”

“Well, we just bought the place two years ago, and we’re only here in the summer, and this place is like at least a hundred years old.

“Well I say we try it out,” Mike said.

Three lines of dialogue in a row start with 'Well'. I know it's a deep subject, but maybe you could change it up a bit?

“Well, just to prove you wrong, we’ll play.” Jim said.

Another one that starts with 'Well' but that's not why I point this one out. I know that you stated it before, but the story moved alon rather quickly and when I saw 'prove you wrong' I couldn't recall what he was going to prove wrong. I had to go back up and look. Maybe you could reinforce the subject here. Example: "If that's what it's going to take to prove to you that it doesn't work...Lets play." or something along those lines.

“‘If the triangle moves to green, then the summoned spirit is a Pixie. Pixies always have a Class Color of yellow.

I know what you meant here, but I think you need to put 'catagory' in front of 'green' somewhere, that way the reader identifies the two colors as differnt meanings for the same type of spirit. Hope that makes sense.

Just then, Jim came back in the room.

I think you could take 'Just then' out of this sentence, it doesn't really help it.

Mike picked up the matchbook and struck a match. He lit the four candles in that order, then blew the candle out and set it on the table.

I think you meant 'match' here.


Man, I love a good spook story! And this one is shaping up to be a great one. I'm very, very interested to see how far these kids go. I see a water elemental in their future!

Everything I found was fairly minor and much of it was just my opinion. There were few flaws in the writing so excellent job there, Dan.

I'm kind of excited about this story. It is reminicent of Jumanji and that other wierd movie, but is entirely different at the same time. I think I'm going to like this story very much.

How come there isn't another chapter up? Hmmm? What are you waiting on! Get moving, I'm going to need more of this one! Great job here!

[Zoidberg]

Thanks, Jim. Glad you liked it.

I see a water elemental in their future!

OMG! Are you stalking me?

How come there isn't another chapter up? Hmmm? What are you waiting on! Get moving, I'm going to need more of this one! Great job here!

Well, I've sort of been busy lately. I will get something up....Eventually.

[Zoidberg]

Hey Jim! I is of back!

I will get started on the next chapter...shortly.

[Jimbalaya]

I'm going to hold you to that and bug the hell out of you when I have the chance!