[Randomgold]

Synopsis: A play about a wizard reporter interviewing the wizard who did it.

Characters:

Steve Stevenson—A reporter for a wizard’s news network


Joe—The wizard who did it


______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

Outside an ordinary suburban house. It is two stories tall, and painted white. There are few windows, three on the first floor, and four on the second. All have drawn curtains. The lawn is well kept, showing signs that it has been watered recently, with a small flowerbed along the side of the house. Curtain opens to a man in his late 30’s, well groomed, and well dressed. He is holding a microphone and has a barely noticeable earpiece in his left ear.

Steve: Many people have heard, or even used the phrase “A wizard did it” at some point in their lives. But few have heard of the wizard who actually does these things. Here, at IWNN, the International Wizards News Network, we decided to find out about this important, yet virtually unknown figure.

I’m Steve Stevenson, here in front of a seemingly ordinary house in an average suburban town. However, within this house lives a man with whom we are all familiar with, even if we don’t know it—the so-called Wizard who did it. I’m now going to enter the house, and attempt to arrange an interview with him.

Cut to inside house, inside what looks to be a study of some kind. The maroon wallpaper is obscured in most places by bookshelves filled with texts of every kind. Books, scrolls, and stone tablets can be seen lining the shelves and have no apparent order to how they are arranged. The only way to tell what color the walls are comes from the small, simple stone fireplace and chimney, which gives a break in the bookshelves, letting the wallpaper be seen. Two large leather chairs sit in the center of the room. Both are occupied. Steve sits in the left chair, still holding the mic. The person in the other chair is an older man. He has long, white hair and appears to be in his mid 60’s. He wears a simple lounge robe, slippers (both a deep red). Steve turns in his chair.

Steve: I am now here, sitting with the wizard who did it, how has yet to actually disclose his name. Am I to assume that is due to your name being kept for standard reasons?

Joe: That is correct.

Steve: Well, what do you prefer to be called?

Joe: Joe.

Steve looks surprised at this, his ever present smile being replaced by sheer confusion.

Steve: Joe?

Joe: What, do you have a problem with Joe?

Steve: N-no, it’s just that Joe isn’t a very…wizardly name, now is it?

Joe pauses and thinks before answering.

Joe: No, I suppose it isn’t. But, I can’t give you my real name, and I’ve always liked the name Joe.

Steve: Well, names aside, I hear you are the wizard who did it that is to blame for various unexplained events, correct?

Joe: That is correct.

Steve: Could you tell me about that please?

Joe: There’s not really all that much to tell. I mainly just wait for an opportunity, make something happen, then wait for the credit to roll in.

Steve: Credit?

Joe: Yes, credit. You didn’t think I do this for fun, did you? Every time someone uses the phrase “A wizard did it”, or asks if a wizard did it, then I get paid.

Steve: So this is your job then?

Joe: Yes it is.

Steve: Well then, how does one get into this…field?

Joe: Same as most other wizard jobs I guess. Study the right subjects, talk to the right people, ect., ect.

Steve: And how did you personally start this job?

Joe: Family business. My father was a wizard who did it, as was his father and his father before him. Now, I’m a wizard who did it.

Steve: I see. So does that mean there are others wizards who did it?

Joe pauses a bit before answering.

Joe: Yes and no.

Steve waits a few seconds for Joe to elaborate, but the wizard makes no effort to explain his comment.

Steve: Care to explain?

Joe: Well, depending on how you look at things, then there can be others that do this, or it could be that I’m the only one.

Steve: Oh?

Joe: One man isn’t enough to keep track of everything that’s said or written in the whole world, so I pay people to monitor everything for me. When they spot someone who will use one of the key phrases as we call them, or is in a situation where one can be used, they alert me, and I do the action. Therefore, while I am, officially the world’s only wizard who did it, I’m not the only one who does the actual job.

Steve: I see. I noticed you said you take action for when people are going to use the phrase, and not after. Why exactly do you use the future tense?

Joe: You can’t really expect me to take action after someone said the phrase, now can you? All my staff are trained at divination, so they look into the future, looking for the phrase to come up in the next few minutes.

Steve: And how are you informed of such an occurrence?

An alarm sounds. Steve looks around confused and startled. Joe has no visible reaction.

Joe: Every time the phrase will come up, that happens. Just a moment please, I have to take care of this.

Joe reaches behind the cushions of his chair and pulls out an ordinary looking map. He looks it over for a few seconds.

Joe: Yes, another TV star in a convention looking for a quick fix for overly critical fans. I get that a lot these days. This won’t take long.

Joe closes his eyes for a minute, then snaps his fingers. He opens his eyes, puts the map back where he got it, then looks at Steve as if nothing had happened. Steve waits for Joe to say something for a bit.

Steve: Are TV stars a common occurrence in this profession?

Joe: Oh yes. The most common these days in fact.

Steve: About how often do you perform such actions?

Joe: Oh, about once a month I’m afraid.

Steve: So few? I’d have thought it would be more, what with you covering the entire world and all.

Joe: Yes well, I only do TV stars once a month. There are a few other situations. All in all, I’d say I get a call every two weeks or so.

Steve: Still, it’s not very much, is it?

Joe: No. No I suppose it isn’t.

Steve: Has business always been so slow?

Joe: Oh no. It used to be much busier when my father was the wizard who did it. But nowadays there simply isn’t as much call for one.

Steve: And why do you think this is?

Joe: I think it has something to do with modern views on magic. You see, these days it’s all science and logic for everything. In previous generations, every odd occurrence was done with magic, and there was always a wizard doing said magic. Nobody thinks like that anymore.

Steve: I see. What of the wizarding community in general? Surely you get some business from them.

Joe: Why would other wizards have need of my services? Something odd happens around them and they either did it themselves or can find out who’s responsible. A wizard who did it gets no business from other wizards. Nor have we ever. All our business comes from non-magic people.

Steve: So then you don’t really have much to do then, do you?

Joe: Not really, no.

Steve: Then how do you earn income when nobody says the key phrase?

Joe: I do get paid small amounts for doing something, even if nobody blames me. So, every so often, I do something at random.

Steve: What kind of things do you do?

Joe: I mostly hide small things. Keys, remote controls, clothing, that sort of thing. I’ll also cause things to break down every once and awhile, but I don’t do that very often.

Steve: So mundane inconveniences are your doing?

Joe: Not always no. In fact most just happen on their own. I only do things that wouldn’t normally happen on their own. For example: Have you even put your keys down in a place where you know you can find them, only to have them be somewhere else next time you need them?

Steve: Yes.

Joe: That was most likely me.

Steve: I see. And you get paid for this.

Joe: Not as much as when someone uses one of the key phrases, but yes. In fact these days such small actions accounts for a great deal of my income.

Steve: Have you ever done something just for fun?

Joe: I used to when I was just starting out. But I don’t anymore.

Steve: So what do you do for recreation then?

Joe: Same as everyone else I should think. Reading, listening to the radio, watching TV occasionally, mundane things really.

Steve: So you don’t do any wizardly activities then?

Joe: No. I really prefer non-magical entertainment.

Steve: And why is that?

Joe: Simple. When you work magic and make odd occurrences happen for you job, you tend to what to not do such things on your time off. I’m sure you don’t run around conducting interviews on your off days, do you?

Steve: I see. Steve places his hand to the earpiece. I’m being told that we’re just about out of time. Any last words for the viewers?

Joe: All I can say is that it’s okay to blame me whenever odd things happen. In fact, whenever something does happen, it probably is me, and therefore I should be blamed.

Steve turns to look at the camera, with his reporters grin on his face.

Steve: And with that, I’m Steve Stevenson for IWNN. Thank you and good night.

Steve turns back to face Joe as the lights fade.

[RENA HANDS]

Maybe...A play about a wizard reporter interviewing the wizard(what’s another word for wizard?) ‘who had done it.’ (Italicize this?)

Steve Stevenson, reporter for WNN (Wizard’s News Network.)

Joe (Joe what?) Joe the Magnificent! He who has done it.?

What about saying...While standing outside a two story white house, Steve Stevenson about thirty, well groomed is adjusting his earpiece. The cameraman focuses in on the flowerbed along the left/right side of the house. The curtain are drawn closed...?

The original introduction needs rework (my thoughts only perhaps other will state differently.)

The whole intro for me could be reworked (my thoughts again.)

Maybe quote ‘wizard who did it?’ Make it outstanding from the rest of the sentences/speech.

Maybe show more actions changes in body positions within and or about Joe and Steve, even possibly the cameraman too. He’s just as important as the reporter/interviewee.

Should Wizard be capitalized?

A TV star in a convention? (I’m confused.)

I shall return to this...for now it reads vaguely when you could be more specific and smoother not only conversation, but actions too.

[alja123]

You should italicize "the wizard who did it" or something. The phrase doesn't stand out from some sentences.

I quite liked the introduction actually.

Otherwise I like Joe's character. He's a bit "all over the place" as is usual for wizards, but this also confuses the reporter with humor value. Although to be honest I didn't actually laugh at any point.
You could, if you wanted to, improve on the ending/make something actually happen in the play. Other than character building.