[Vorcla]

Author's note: adult situations, language


The fluorescent glow from the hospitality suite's kitchen was the only source of illumination in the room, and was as soft as moonlight. Dan Henderson decided that it made Ali Bryan look like an angel. He could feel a lump forming in his throat.

"Um, you know, I wouldn't mind if they didn't come to let us out for a while," he said as he held her close. His voice was husky, and he hoped she couldn't hear the tremor in it.

She sleepily nestled her head against his shoulder. "I could stay like this forever."

"Well, it might be a little rough on the back after a while," he said with a chuckle. "And mine gets stiff now and then. Old war wound - got it hauling my own amp when we were first starting out. "

He sat down on a folding chair and pulled her into his lap. She kissed him.

"Oh," she breathed. "Oh, my. This is nice. I could get used to this." She ran her fingers through his hair. "So...this afternoon, you said you hadn't thought of a way to explain me to yourself. Have you reached a verdict yet, your honor?"

He let his fingertips trail over her cheek. Her skin was so incredibly, exquisitely soft.

"I've decided," he murmured, "that even though we've only known each other a short time, I care about you very much, and I like being with you. And that I don't think I've ever seen anything as beautiful as what I'm looking at right now." He smiled softly. "And I really don't much care what anybody else thinks about it, either."

She brushed her lips over his. "Well, then," she whispered. "Sounds like we're on the same page of music."

They cuddled in silence for several long moments. Then Henderson glanced at his wristwatch.

"Well,the buses should be halfway back to the hotel by now. Somebody should be coming to spring us shortly."

"How will we get back?" Ali asked. "Hitchhike?"

"Oh, no. Mr. Foster is always kind enough to provide 'alternate transportation.' He did this to me in 'Frisco one time. Sent a rickshaw."

"Oh, my God! You're not serious?" She stifled a laugh.

Henderson nodded. "Twelve miles through San Francisco city traffic. The little guy looked like he was about 102 years old, but he was a tough old bird. Never stopped once for a rest - not even on all those hills. Dropped me right at the front door of the hotel."

"I'll bet that was quite an entrance."

"It was. Problem was, a bunch of people recognized me. I had to outrun them to the elevator." He frowned. "I wonder what he has up his sleeve this time?"

"Well...we could always take a cab," Ali offered.

"No, Gene always pays for whatever he sends - it's the least he can do. And I'm not about to pay our way back when he's the one who stranded us here - unless he sends a garbage truck."

Footsteps sounded in the hallway. Ali sighed as she stood up and flipped on the lights. She gave Henderson one last quick kiss as he rose to his feet.

A key rattled in the lock, and the door swung open. A skinny kid with bushy blonde hair wearing a bright yellow "Event Staff" tee stood in the corridor, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he swallowed nervously.

"Oh, Mr. Henderson, I'm so sor-"

"Stow it," Henderson snapped. "Where's our transportation out of here?"

"G-go down to the dock, off stage left. They'll pick you up there."

"Good." Henderson pulled his wallet from his back pocket and fished out a bill. "Thanks for letting us out."

"B-but Mr. Henderson - this is a ...a thousand dollar bill!"

"You've got good eyes, kid. See ya next time."

"You're a stinker," Ali said as they walked across the stage, holding hands. "You had that poor kid shaking in his boots."

He grinned. "I'm supposed to be a curmudgeon. 'Grandpa' Henderson, they call me. Gotta keep up appearances."

"Well, I know better." Ali hooked her arm around his. "The dock, huh? I wonder what Gene has in mind for us?"

"Guess we'll find out," he replied as they descended the steps past the temporary office trailers and into the woods next to the stage.

A tall, rangy man smoking a pipe lounged against a tree on the path to the boat docks. Henderson almost snickered. He was dressed in a white oxford shirt, a dark blue blazer with a gold anchor embroidered on the front pocket, white slacks and white deck shoes. There was a powder blue ascot at his throat, and a white yacht cap with a black bill perched on his head. An anchor and the word "captain" embroidered in gold decorated the front, and gold "scrambled eggs" embroidery festooned the bill.

"I guess he's the captain," Henderson whispered sotto voce, and Ali giggled.

The man strode forward, smiling enthusiastically. He was clean-shaven, and his hair was neatly trimmed. The fragrant pipe smoke smelled pleasantly of apples.

"Mr. Henderson, I'm Captain Jack Hudepohl," he said, thrusting out his hand. "Please call me Jack. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. I'm a huge fan of you and Arizona." He turned to Ali. "And you must be Ali Bryan. Oh, my - your CD covers don't do justice to your beauty. I love 'I Need A Lover, Not A Daddy,' and 'Lovers and Losers.' They're both in the top disc rotation of my sound system on the boat. Oh - and so is 'Arizona: Their Greatest Hits.' Top notch!"

Henderson decided he liked Hudepohl; he had a firm handshake and seemed genuine, despite his almost comical caricature of a yachtsman's "uniform."

"Pleased to meet you, Jack," Henderson said, and Ali responded with "Likewise," when Hudepohl took her hand and kissed it.

"I've been hired by Mr. Foster to take you to the Public Landing in downtown Cincinnati so you can get back to your hotel," Hudepohl added.

"What do we do when we get back to town?" Henderson asked. "Walk?"

Hudepohl's smile was enigmatic. "That's been arranged as well. Mr. Foster instructed me to keep it a secret."

"He would," Henderson muttered.

"Shall we board my boat?" the captain asked.

They hiked down the lighted path and came to a clearing in the trees, and Henderson's estimation of Captain Jack Hudepohl went up several notches. He whistled softly.

"The Mayan Princess," Hudepohl said with undisguised pride. "Isn't she a beauty?"

She was indeed. The Princess was a 45 foot Bayliner, fully equipped.

"She has a head, a galley, an aft cabin, a dining room, heating and air conditioning, power generators, and six berths for overnighters."

Ali gaped at the sleek, gleaming power boat. "Good grief," she breathed. "You could live on her."

"I do," Hudepohl said with a nod. "At least during the warm weather. I have a little place in Indian Hill where I live during the winter - when I'm not in Florida. Peter Frampton's my next door neighbor."

Henderson started. "Wait a minute, Jack. I stayed at Peter's house when I came through here on tour two years ago. Neither one of the houses on either side of him qualifies as a 'little place.'"

Hudepohl grinned. "They are by Indian Hill standards. Peter's the one who has the mansion. Let's get on board." He led them down the long portable pier that had been constructed to accomodate the big boat. They clambered up the ladder, and Ali gasped aloud.

"Good Lord!" she exclaimed. "It looks like every square inch has been cleaned with a toothbrush. This is wonderful!"

"Make yourselves comfortable," Hudepohl said, gesturing to the overstuffed sofa on the aft deck. He cued up his CD sytem, and the muted strains of Ali's "I Need A Lover, Not A Daddy" came over the speakers. "There are drinks and snacks there. Soft drinks, beer, water, and riblets from the Montgomery Inn. It's eight miles to the landing; we'll have you there in no time."

As Ali headed for the sofa, Henderson hung back and reached for his wallet. "Jack, there's a big tip in it for you if you'll take us back really s-l-o-o-o-w."

Hudepohl grinned and shook his head. "Keep your money, Mr. Henderson. I don't need it. I do this for fun. Any charters I collect I put back into the boat and its upkeep. I didn't take any money from Mr. Foster either. It's an honor and a privilege to take you back to town. Consider it my gift to you and him - and Ali - for all the wonderful entertainment you've provided me."

Henderson grinned. "Okay, Jack. I appreciate that. Do me a favor, though - if you won't let me tip you, at least call me Dan."

"Okay... Dan - I'd like that. And I'll take us back just fast enough to keep us from drifting."

As the big cruiser backed away from the temporary dock, Henderson strolled back to join Ali, who snuggled up happily against him as he sat down. "Oh, Dan, this is wonderful. So romantic."

He beamed. "I have to give Gino credit - this is first class."

She gazed up sleepily at him, and her pulse quickened. He was so handsome; in the soft glow of the running lights, he looked absolutely boyish, much as he did on the cover of Arizona's first CD all those years ago. It made her love him even more. She stretched up and kissed him.

"Can I ask you something?" she queried. "I mean something personal? I'd understand if you said no."

Henderson almost laughed aloud. "Honey - we made love in a Jacuzzi this afternoon. Please...ask away."

"You're rich, successful, handsome. All these years - why no Mrs. Dan Henderson?"

His face fell, and she saw the hurt creep into his eyes. She immediately regretted her question.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I..."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay, honey. Just kinda took me by surprise. I haven't really thought about it for a while." He gazed out across the rippled surface of the Ohio River, glistening with multicolored reflections. "There almost was a Mrs. Dan Henderson. Mara Jason. She was a beautiful Hollywood starlet - acted on TV and in the movies. She was the love of my life. Or so I thought. I stayed by her side while she fought Epstein-Barr syndrome. I paid all her medical bills, and nursed her back to health. She recovered fully."

He closed his eyes against the sting of remembered pain.

"Then she left me..."

His voice was so small, so raw and broken, that it brought tears to her eyes.

"Oh, my God," she whispered. "I didn't know. I am so sorry, Dan."

He looked up at the sky, which was dark and full of stars, and she could see the reflection of unshed tears in his eyes. "It's all right. Really. I've pretty well gotten past it. Just every once in a while it jumps up and bites me in the ass."

"Please forgive me," she choked.

"Nothing to forgive," he said, lifting a tear off her cheek with his finger. "Please don't - you're too pretty to cry. And it's such a nice night; let's enjoy it." He decided to change the subject. "What did you think of Gene's, um, twins?"

Ali laughed as she scrubbed at her eyes with the back of a hand. "They were...pneumatic, weren't they? I suppose Gene will be able to tell us whether or not they were real."

"Ali!" Dan exclaimed in mock horror. He laughed. "He's just a big kid. He's Peter Pan; he never grew up."

"Consequently, the 'Barbie Twins,'" Ali supplied. "And there's been no Mrs. Gene Foster, either."

Henderson sighed. "Well...could have been. May still be someday, if the two of them will ever quit butting heads and admit it to each other."

"Who's the lucky lady?"

"You weren't at the press conference today," Henderson said. "Do you know who Karen Poulous is?"

"The Rolling Stone reporter?" Ali asked. "Oh, she's gorgeous! Very classy lady. She covered the 'Indie Breakout' Festival last year. Oh, they'd make a great couple."

"They do - but they've both been so career driven that they've convinced themselves it'll never work. He's written a few songs about her - on our last Arizona album and his solo discs."

Ali's eyes widened. "Oh! 'Green Eyes' on the last group album. Makes sense now."

"And 'Rock 'n' Roll Writer' from his second solo disc."

"Oooooo! That one was a little risque - 'you screamed my name to the sky!' I get very hot when I listen to that."

She blushed, and Henderson laughed softly. "Good make-out music then. I'll have to remember that."

"Please do," she said.

They rode in silence for a while, just enjoying the beautiful evening and each other's company. Ali watched through heavy lidded eyes, cuddling against him. The adrenaline rush of the hectic day was gone, and now she felt pleasantly drained. The distinctive skyline of Cincinnati finally drifted into view, and Hudepohl expertly guided the Mayan Princess into the dock of the Public Landing.

"All the big riverboats dock here when they have 'Tall Stacks,'" he called back. "It's really something to see." He turned as Dan and Ali came forward to disembark.

"Listen," he said almost shyly. "I don't want any money, but the two of you could surely do me a favor if you'd autograph my CD covers."

Henderson smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. "Be glad to, Jack." Hudepohl handed him a fine point felt tip pin and the CD case for "Lovers and Losers," and Henderson inscribed, "To Captain Jack Hudepohl - open water and smooth sailing. Dan Henderson."

Ali took her own CD box, and, with an impish smile, wrote, "To my lover, Captain Jack Hudepohl: 'Don't Want No Daddy!' Ali Bryan." The beaming captain filed them back in his CD caddy, then gestured to the ramp. "Thanks for taking the cruise. Your carriage awaits."

And it did - literally. A pretty brunette stood by a horse and buggy, waving them over. The young woman looked to be in her late twenties, and she was smiling from ear to ear.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "I'm Corky. I'll be your driver, and we're going to the Westin Hotel. This is Sadie, my partner." She patted the dappled mare on the flanks.

"Hi, Sadie," Ali cooed, stroking the horse's muzzle. "Oh, what a pretty horse."

Dan eyed the mare askance. "I got thrown by a horse - and kicked - when we did the photo shoot for our 'Acoustic Cowboys' CD," he said. "You'll forgive me if I'm a bit standoffish."

Corky laughed. "Sadie won't kick, Mr. Henderson. But that's okay. Please climb aboard."

He helped Ali into the carriage, and the buggy jerked as Corky guided Sadie away from the Public Landing for the short ride to their hotel. She cut up Broadway to Fourth Street, and then over to Vine, describing the sights along the way, with the "clip-clop" of Sadie's hooves providing a backdrop to her commentary.

"We're almost there," Corky said a few moments later. "On the left you see the two most famous landmarks on the Cincinnati skyline, the PNC Bank Building and the Carew Tower. The Westin is to our right, across from Fountain Square, with its beautiful Tyler-Davidson Fountain."

Henderson craned his neck to look up at the two towering skyscrapers, then almost gasped when his eyes fell on the beautiful, brightly lit fountain on the open square. "Ali, wake up. You should see this!"

Ali valiantly attempted to open her eyes, and then came fully awake when she saw the shimmering waters of the fountain. "Oh, that's so gorgeous!" she exclaimed.

"Have they renovated it, Corky?" Henderson asked. "It looks different from the last time I was here. Even better than before."

"Yes, sir," she replied. "Finished about a year ago." She reined Sadie to a stop. The horse snorted and pawed the pavement. "Here we are, folks. Can I ask you for a quick favor?"

"An autograph?" Henderson asked with a chuckle.

"No...actually, would you mind posing for a picture?"

"We'd love to," Ali said, stifling a yawn. "Please just let me finishing gapping before you snap it though."

"Thanks, you guys!" Corky enthused. "George?"

The Westin's bellman, who was accustomed to Corky's impromptu "photo shoots," walked over to the curb and took Corky's camera from her. He framed the shot with Ali to the left of Corky, and Henderson to the right, and snapped a couple of shots of them in front of Sadie and the buckboard. Then he zoomed in for a close up and fired off two more rounds. He showed them to Corky.

"Ah, they're great, George," Corky said. "You missed your calling."

"Thanks, Corky," George replied, trying hard not to blush.

"Okay - now you shoot a couple of us with George," Henderson instructed suddenly. A smiling Corky raised her camera and snapped several shots of the astonished bellhop with the two rock stars. Then Ali and Dan headed into the Westin lobby.

It was late, almost 1 AM, but even at that hour, heads turned when the couple took the escalator to the second floor. They made it to the elevator before a knot of curious onlookers could follow them. Henderson swiped a security card to admit them to the private VIP floor that had been secured just for him and his entourage. He stopped in front of a door at the end of the hallway. High pitched squealing and giggling emanated from within.

Without preamble, Henderson pounded on the door.

"Gino - it's me, Dan. Answer the damned door - now!"

"Dan!" Ali was shocked. "How could you possible be angry with him after that wonderful cruise and carriage ride?"

The door creaked open, and a disheveled, bathrobe-clad Gene Foster peered out.

"Can't this wait, Dan?" he asked apprehensively. "I'm, uh, I'm a little busy."

"Listen, asshole!" Henderson snarled. Then he started laughing. "I just wanted to thank you for the cruise and the carriage ride. Ali and I both want to thank you, actually."

A relieved Foster grinned. "I thought you two lovebirds might want to get a way for a while."

"Oh - something else," Henderson continued. "I would have talked to you about this on the bus. Clear your schedule for the next four months. I had so much fun tonight I want to make this a Henderson and Foster tour."

Now Gene Foster was stunned. "I...I.." was all he could get out.

"We'll get your gear shipped in tomorrow so you've got it for the Cleveland show Friday." Ali jumped up and down and squealed in delight herself, and hugged both of them.

"Oh, this is so cool!" she exclaimed.

"I...God! Thanks, Dan!" Foster finally managed.

"You're welcome...asshole!"

"Good night, motherfucker!" A burst of giggling squeals erupted from inside his suite. Foster grinned sheepishly. "You're not gonna believe this - they both work at Hooters!"

He closed the door and loosed a war whoop.

Henderson shook his head. "Oddly enough, Gino, I do believe it."

Ali and Henderson walked hand in hand down the corridor. They paused at his door. Ali kissed him, a long, slow lingering kiss that banished all fatigue from his system. Finally she pulled away.

"You're wonderful, you know that?" she whispered. "I am just so happy tonight I can't tell you. Goodnight, honey."

"'Night, hun," he said. He watched her start to walk away withj a tightness in his chest; then he screwed up his courage and cleared his throat.

"Ali?"

She turned and glanced quizzically at him. He looked so earnest, like a little boy with puppy dog eyes.

"Ali...stay with me tonight. Please?"

Her face lit up in a huge grin. "Oh, honey, I'd love to. Let me get a couple of things from my room."

She hustled down the hall and let herself into her suite, humming to herself as she peeled off her clothes and bounded into the bathroom. She quickly freshened up, then brushed her teeth and rinsed with Scope. Then she grabbed a robe and headed for the door on a dead run.

Then she stopped when she saw her discarded jeans,

The pills...

She pulled the foil pack out of her pocket and secreted it in a side pocket deep inside her suitcase, and then hurried across the hall.

Dan Henderson had slipped off his shirt when the knock on the door came, and he greeted her, bare chested, in his jeans.

"Oh, nice," Ali breathed when he let her in. She set her overnight case on the floor. "I brought a change of clothes..."

She let the robe slip off her shoulders.

"...but I didn't bring a night gown."

Henderson stared, awestruck, at her naked beauty. They embraced; she helped him finish undressing, and they fell back on the bed.

They took their time, slowly and sensuously making love, urging each other on gently, with no undue sense of urgency, until they both peaked together. Ali buried her face in his chest as she climaxed, and her soft, stifled sobs were barely audible.

And somewhere down the hall, one of the "Barbie Twins" screamed Gene Foster's name to the sky...

To be continued...

['Ginnis]

There are drinks and snacks there. Soft drinks, beer, water, and riblets from the Montgomery Inn.

You need beginning quote marks

Ali watched through heavy lidded eyes, cuddling against Dan Henderson.

Everything is so warm and nice and then you use his last night name and it becomes very formal. Even his first name seems a bit strange. I'd recommend changing it to 'him'.


Yeah, now on to the more important things...

This is so deliciously wonderful. I mean...wow. Just, so sweet and heart felt. You really grabbed the essence of the people here. None of them are truly bad people, even Gene's got a soul. Dan and Ali are so helplessly falling for one another and no one's got a stick of apprehension. It's beautiful.

I loved everything. Your personal knowledge of the setting made the carriage ride superb. I love the interactions with Jack and Corky, the detail the kindness. Like I said, they're good people, which makes Ali's struggle so much harder to accept. It's heartbreaking really, and it's going to make for something amazing later.

I'm so enamored it's ridiculous. Do they have writing groupies? Ew, okay, maybe not. Anyways, I can't even begin to critique in the negative. It's a great slowdown after the concert, and I love how that mirrors the adrenaline crash. When the structure of a story can mirror the structure of the plot, it's so wonderful!

First class. Wow.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by 'Ginnis;

There are drinks and snacks there. Soft drinks, beer, water, and riblets from the Montgomery Inn.

You need beginning quote marks

Quote:
Ali watched through heavy lidded eyes, cuddling against Dan Henderson.

Everything is so warm and nice and then you use his last night name and it becomes very formal. Even his first name seems a bit strange. I'd recommend changing it to 'him'.

Done and done. Thanks for the catch.

Wow. Kara, I am beyond flattered by your comments. I know you're a straight shooter, which is why I appreciate it all the more; you've always been more than helpful with pre-submission critiques and read-throughs.

If anything, I have you to thank for how this is turning out. I've learned a lot about subtlety and restraint from talking to you and reading your amazing series, "Tinseltown" and "Vorcla's Quest 2: Resurrection." There's a time and place for the "in-your-face, grab-'em-by-the-shirtfront" approach, but this is so much more satisfying. Thank you very much.

Well, I'm off to the hospital to get my arteries augered out! I'll touch in as soon as I can, hopefully tonight.

Rick

PS - You can definitely be my writing groupie, as long as I can be yours.

[Venomous Vixen]

I think you just outdid yourself, by any other chapter thus far not just in this series but that I have ever read of yours. This was incredible, gah, I am gushing. The personalities you have built between Dan and Ali are just mind blowing. The playful way they carry on with one another, but beyond that, the way even while teasing they are touching on deeper emotions and really connecting. The feel of this is much like that riverboat, slow moving and sensual, like I imagine the sunset ride. Your descriptions were amazing, the little facts you include about the city, the hooves of the horse, even the attire of the Captain, priceless.

You also weaved things very well here, not forgetting the little things like the ecstacy tabs later when Ali takes her jeans off, the twins come in to play throughout, the green eyed red head and Foster, the tour - all of it. I think that is something a lot of writers have trouble with and you obviously do not suffer from the same downfall but rather are bloody brilliant with it.

I think the tempo here was also placed in a perfect spot. You just had the drugs, the big show, the reunion of Foster and Henderson, Ali's first big gig etc. etc. and then you gave a but of calm to solidify the relationship and it really built up on your story. This is only going to make it all that much more heartbreaking when Ali continues drugs - especially if she stumbles on something harder. It will play greatly on the emotions of your readers and getting people there alone is an incredible feat.

There were particular parts I wanted to say "Oh nice!" or "Wow!" but by the time I was done I was quoting almost the whole damn thing. Also, your subtlety is very well done, the sex at the end was intimate and soft, not in your face, teetering x-rated but just perfectly executed.

I could go on but I think you get the gist, I am blown away. Hats off to you, this is just WOW!

[Vorcla]

Whoa. Thank you, hun. This is a nice way to come back from surgery.

I appreciate your comments, as you know, because of your honesty. I feel really flattered and honored. The thing with Ali's pill package - everything else was so calm and warm and cuddly. Ali hiding the pills was kind of like the icewater down your back. A reminder that there are possible storms on the horizon.

Glad you liked the sex scene at the end. I sort of think of it as being sweet. Then there's the little chuckle at the end with the Barbie Twin "screaming Gene Foster's name to the sky!"

Thank you so much for your comments, Bri.

[Jimbalaya]

That was long! But very, very good. I coldn't find anything to pick at, Rick. On a piece this long that is fantastic.

Excellent touchy-feely segment of the story. These characters are so life like...it's incredible. This chapter drew me in as did the others. For a while there, the real world was shut out and I was on a boat, then I went for a cariage ride. Seriously, the quality of writing here is incredible.

Not much I can say that wouldn't be a repeat of what's been said already. I thought you were in your element with the werewolf stories, clearly you have more than one comfort zone.

Can't wait for the next one.

[Vorcla]

Thanks, Jim. You guys are all giving me a big head! I appreciate your comments. I had a feeling while I was writing this that I was in a groove. Sometimes you feel that way and everyone agrees with you, and sometimes they read it and go, "meh."

I think the thing that makes it work is that all these places are real. Liz and I went to see James Taylor at Riverbend last month, then took a cruiser back to town, a carriage ride to the Westin, and then stayed in the honeymoon suite. A very calm, romantic (albeit expensive! ) evening. But it was worth every penny.

The settings of the next two elements are also familiar to me. The Belterra Casino and Resort Hotel in Florence, Indiana, where "Chainsaw Jim" is playing a gig, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio. It's easier when you know what you're writing about - although I do pretty well with the werewolves too, and that's all make believe! .

Thanks again for your comments, buddy.

[Rakkasan]

meh.


Just kidding!


I hate this. Not the writing, but the fact that it was so captivating that now I am compelled to go find parts 1-4 so I can catch up. It's like coming into a show mid-season. Thanks a lot. lol

Only one thing...

Originally Posted by Vorcla

"'Night, hun," he said. He watched her start to walk away withj a tightness in his chest; then he screwed up his courage and cleared his throat.

You have an extra "j" hanging around in there. lol

Nice touch with the whole packet of pills thing. It left me wishing the chapter were longer so I could know what kind of pills they were, and how they were going to be used (or not).

Get in the groove now for part 6, okay?

[Vorcla]

Thanks, Rakk. Really appreciate it. I need to get back to this badly, but my werewolves and vampires have been extremely compelling lately...

[Venomous Vixen]

Originally Posted by Vorcla

Thanks, Rakk. Really appreciate it. I need to get back to this badly, but my werewolves and vampires have been extremely compelling lately...

Yes, please do get back to this! It's a very unique story to the site, I always find it refreshing to read. I am patiently waiting for more!

[RENA HANDS]

It might not be what you want, but I think you should add ‘it’ here….and (it) was as soft as moonlight. ?

You need to space out the comma here…Well(,) the buses…

I think you need to cap apple in Adam’s apple. (I could be wrong of this matter, please consult another editor…lol)

Maybe

…he replied as they descended past the step of the temporary office trailers and into the woods next to the stage. ?

Is not an ascot worn ‘around’ the neck?

Again, is it ‘strolled,’ or ‘strode,’ and if the latter is it an English thing?

What about…She gazed up (groggily) at him (as) her pulse quickened. ?

Not necessary, but where you show/tell of Corky asking for a photo, why not put in some action of her playing/toying with a camera from her pocket?

Just for clarification while Gene, Dan and Ali had their door conversation, the door was opened?

You don’t need the ‘j’ here…her start to walk away (with) withj a tightness in his chest;

Are you certain that a comma is warranted here….she saw her discarded jeans (?) Possibly a period or a row of periods.

Did you mean….and (secured) it in a side pocket deep insider her suitcase, ?

Another GREAT write Vorcla. BRAVO! A rating that deserves 4/5!

[katofmystery]

They just keep getting better and better! OMG! I like EVERYTHING! There is so much to comment on, but I think that you get the jist that I like it!