[dearest]

In the tangle of memories, certain images remain, waiting for a quiet moment to resurface—like driftwood, bleached by time, bobbing salt-scarred in a cloudy tide. Trees, walls of trees. Wind moving the sides of my tent, breathing life, diaphragmatic, into the dun-colored walls. The canvas and I, breathing with the night. Bread. Motion, scuffling in the dirt. Panicked eyes piece together bodies, formless and fleeting between the trees. Silence. Silence. Silent—waiting for the chance to breathe. By the side of some unnamed path, we lie, knee-deep in brackish water, waiting.

What is it?
The pressure of a gun, solid and dangerous and reassuring,
Cradled like a child against the roundness of my shoulder.
What is it?

Where does it come from?

How did it find its way inside?

Trees on either side, alien trees with too many tiny, almond-shaped leaves. The silver bell ‘ting’ of a grenade pin. Men running. A spray of bullets, washing over us in a slate-headed tide. Some of us are lifted out to sea, already gone. Eye-whites showing bright on dirty faces. The mind drifts. Explosions. Bodies, running bodies everywhere, every one the same. I pull, feeling the vibrations run down my arm. Too fast to think, too fast to hesitate. Bodies, everywhere. Pull. Pull. Pull. I feel their vibrations running down my arm, the vibrations of the bodies falling, with arching, awkward grace, into the dirt. Their vibrations shimmer in the air.

What is it?
This frenzy, scrabbling in the dirt.
The need to scream and cry—too fast, I can’t think.
What is it?

Who brought it here?

Who did this?

Night. Damp blankets. I can’t sleep. Images of the day return, repeating, rushing in and pulling out again, like a tide, when the moon comes out. Insect noises. The air is heavy and the tent is still. Neither of us breathe. We’re back in the trenches, waiting on the edge of the cliff. Waiting for the panic wave to arrive. Every vibration, I remember them all. For now. Tomorrow they’ll be replaced with new memories, new sensations to dread in the night. Night. Day. Raids on small villages. Women and children. Our clumsy feet stomping through the orderly clay rows of vegetable gardens. Tearing through huts, more vibrations, more running. Some men laugh, watching the vultures circle overhead. Night again. Then day. Another night. Then…you. You and me, in the park in summertime. You, your cheeks pink with cold, and boots crunching in new-fallen snow. Your steady handwriting cramped to fit Adam’s first steps, first teeth, first words onto one page. You, elbow deep in dishwater, singing with the radio. You, a strand of hair escaping from your bun and sticking to the corner of your mouth. You, smiling mischievously with the garden hose, you sitting straight-backed, hands folded in a church pew, you sleeping, you reading, you baking, you laughing, you, you, you. Day comes—we march, and we fight, and we die. But when night comes softly, you drift in with the tide. You.

What is this?
This peace, this warmth in the dead of night.
Something melted into the ink of your letters that makes me laugh and cry.
What is this?

Where did this come from?

Who gave this to us?

[Vorcla]

Ah, hun, you already know what I think of this, but I'll tell you again anyway.

Gives me the chills. This is probably the best piece of prose you've ever done, and you've already written some fine entries. The edits you've done have made this even more taut than it was before. A slice of the soldier's life - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Also, I like what you've done with the formatting - almost like closed form poetry.

Just fine stuff - and I get the feeling that you still haven't explored your full potential yet.

That will truly be something to see.

[RENA HANDS]

Wow! You have posted yet another ASTONISHING write here! Just flawless in imagery, emotions felt/provoked/shared to the reader(s) and the vocabulary…MARVELOUS! No noun, verb or adjectives (lol) are ever wasted by your typing.

I enthusiastically rate 5/5! And I LOVE, LOVE this new form you have posted here. It gives a change perspective to the eyes.

[dearest]

Thanks guys. ^_^ I kind of wondered where to post this. It's kind of pseudo-prose,so I hope this is the place. I do really like how this one turned out, maybe even my best piece of prose. As for those hidden depths that you're so adamant about, Rick, well, we'll have to see. I'm honored to receive your 5/5 (and kind of excited too! ^_^) Glad you like the form! Thanks to both of you for your thoughtful comments.

[Gurdit]

I have so many things to say that it's fucking insane.

First of all, there's not a flaw I can pick. I didn't look too hard, but I don't want to either. Your writing is really impressive. I don't think I have been this impressed with something I've read on SM in a long time, not even by something I have written myself. Anyway, back to your writing and style. I like how it's solidly consistent throughout the write. There's not a single paragraph or sentence where it falls or falters below a certain very high level.

But it isn't just your professional writing that I loved. I normally dislike poems because I find them too abstract and secretive. It's like the poet wrote something from the depths of his mind that only he knows, and is having a nice laugh while the others try to interpret it. I very rarely find it very fun to spend a lot of time thinking up an interpretation for something someone else wrote. I like knowing what the writer had in mind, because to me, the fun is in seeing how well he/she has managed to write that thought. In the middle section (and towards the end of the first), I felt like you were going too poetic. I felt like this was something only you'd be able to perfectly understand. And in fact, for a few metaphors, I'm quite sure I'm right. But the real beauty of it is that the third paragraph so completely rescued me. I honestly feel like I'd been thrown overboard and your third paragraph came to my rescue, a life-saver.

Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to portray the middle part as the villain either. It's just that the last part compliments it and makes it beautiful. It's as if the middle section is in 3-D and the last part are the goggles you use to see them.

And now coming to the last few lines. All I can is "WOW", and that would be a terrible cliche and an understatement all at once. Maybe I should say that I liked it so much that I would like to save this and show it to my friends so I can share this wonderful feeling of having read something so good with them.

Nothing was overdone, nor was anything underdone, and I'm saying this keeping in mind the very unconventional frequent use of single-word sentences. I also love the endings of each of the paragraphs, the little structured sections. I think each one of them is fantastic.

I'd love to give you more than glowing review and a rep for this, but I don't know what else to give or say. Suffice to say that you're going to get a lot more kudos and exceptional praise for this, and my review is likely to just be another brick in the wall with the passage of time. However, remember that I rarely give such a gushing review. Also, I do hope someone will be able to write a better critique, with a few suggestions and perhaps changes or whatever, but me, right now, I don't think I'd change a thing.

[dearest]

I'm sorry, G, I didn't see your comment until now! Well thanks very much. Really, I'm blushing. I know you're not in the habit of gushing...ever...so I know you're not just saying this. Again...thanks! ^_^ Ah, this isn't the first comment I've gotten about the saving graces of the last paragraph. ^_^ Really, I'm glad that came across. The first and second paragraphs are a little more surreal, chaotic, and the third is more tangible, with a little more to hold on to. It's meant to make you go 'ohhhh, right, I get it.' Yay, it worked! ^_^ Thanks again for your comment, I always love hearing from you, because I know I'll get a no-bull, sincere critique, and I truly appreciate what you have to say. Thanks again (wait, this is...what, you're fourth thank you in one post? Psh, I better ration these things. Wouldn't want to spoil you. ^_^) for your comment.