[Vorcla]

Synopsis: A teenaged couple and a young female park ranger turn up dead in a wilderness area. They were horribly mauled and partially devoured by whatever killed them. A bear? The authorities aren't sure - but there was a full moon that night....

Advisory: explicit sex and violence.



Werewolf Moon
by Vorcla
Book 1
Winslow Junction

1.

Dusk.

A few birds were finishing their songs as they settled down to roost for the night. A cardinal warbled four miles away, and a jay squawked almost two miles farther on.

He heard them as if they were sitting on a branch of the tree that was just outside the cavern.

The limb of the full moon was edging above the eastern horizon through the trees, like a pastel chalk drawing against a darkening sky. Its blood-red glow was baleful, foreboding. Its cold luminescence crept into the mouth of the cave like rising water. He could already feel its power tugging at him. Soon the Change would be upon him.

Derek Lawrence Talbot was a werewolf.

He raised his head. As the moonlight bathed his blue eyes, they changed to a pale, golden-amber hue, and he smiled.

This vacation/business trip to Winslow Junction, Washington was just what the doctor ordered. As the President and CEO of Talbot Enterprises, he had the wealth and resources to travel whenever and wherever he wanted. He used an assumed name on these excursions, spending his days relaxing and enjoying the sights, occasionally conducting a little business by laptop or cell phone.

But by night, when the wild beast held sway, he hunted fresh prey; beautiful, innocent girls and young women who fell to his lethal fangs and talons – and his cock - as wheat fell before a scythe. Fresh pussy, and fresh meat, to sate both of his appetites.

It was a family curse. His great grandfather Lawrence Talbot was the progenitor, having been bitten by a werewolf in the early 1940’s while on a visit to the ancestral hamlet of Llanwelly in Wales. The curse was passed down to Derek – along with the vast Talbot fortune – by his father.

But unlike his forbears, Derek did not consider the so-called Curse of the Werewolf to be a burden. Not for him were the self-pity, the torment and the angst of his sires, who locked themselves away so they wouldn't kill. He reveled in the change, enjoyed the power of the werewolf and his heightened senses. The call of the wild sang in his blood. He was not a “reluctant werewolf.”

He enjoyed the hunting, and the killing – and the feeding. He enjoyed the horror in their eyes when they realized what was about to happen, the way their soft young bodies came apart under his fangs and claws, the taste of their flesh, their blood, their entrails.

“Fuck ‘em, fillet ‘em, feed on ‘em, and forget about ‘em,” he murmured. “Words to live by.”

He usually chose remote, off-the-beaten-path places like Winslow Junction. They were smaller towns, usually in rural areas and near forests. Most of the time they were college towns, or there was a college or university nearby, because wherever there were institutions of higher learning, there was also an abundance of healthy, beautiful young women - Talbot's prey of choice.

Occasionally he would stay close to home, hunting in the underbellies of large, nearby cities. He would pick off young hookers and runaway girls, victims who would quickly be forgotten by society.

Moving from place to place during the full moon allowed him to stay one jump ahead of the authorities. By the time the police realized what they were facing, he would be gone, leaving a a trail of mangled corpses in his wake. He would often maul one victim - usually a male - and leave him alive, infecting him with the Curse. The following month, the cycle of gory murders would begin again - only this time they would be committed by his "protege'." If the authorities managed to destroy the "turned" werewolf, they would blame all the murders on him - even Talbot's. It was easier to explain away.

Talbot chuckled. Most police departments just chalked up the murders to rogue animal attacks and swept the entire messy affair under the carpet. After all, who in their right mind would claim to believe in the existence of werewolves?

The moon was inching higher, and he could feel his skin crawl as stubbly, shaggy brown fur began to sprout all over his body. He was growing increasingly irritable; he felt as if his skin was on fire, and he itched all over. Quickly he stripped off his tee shirt, shorts, socks and running shoes and neatly folded them. Then he stashed the clothes in a duffel bag, which he placed in a fissure on a rock ledge.

He would need them in the morning.

The selection of the ritzy Hotel Royale had been inspired. It backed right up to a hiking trail leading into the Winslow Junction State Wilderness Area. The little town of Winslow Junction was about three miles away – an easy lope for the werewolf. Already his super-acute animal senses told him there was prey nearby.

A human female – wet and aroused, about a mile and a half away.

She smelled young and fresh.

He scented testosterone, too. His lip curled in a snarl. An interloper! A man – a boy? It didn’t matter. Whichever, he would make short work of him.

He was hungry, and it would get much, much worse when the Change took him. The hyperaccelerated metabolism of the werewolf would demand food.

The thought of eating a young girl’s sweet, tender flesh made his mouth water in anticipation.

Suddenly, the snapping and cracking of extending bone and stretching skin reverberated like a pistol shot in the cavern. Derek cried out in pain and went to his knees. His skeletal structure became elastic and malleable as his body shifted and flowed into a new, sinister shape, much bigger and more massive than Derek Talbot the man. His head pounded, and agony seared through his nervous system.

The Change hurt - terribly! This was the only facet of his lupine existence that he didn’t like.

But it didn’t last long, and it was well worth it to gain the gift – the power of the werewolf.

Derek Talbot jerked convulsively and cried out as the moon’s rays washed over his naked body. He could transform himself at will, at any time, but he was helpless before the sinister glow of the full moon, its insistent tidal pull tugging at and distorting his brain.

He felt the familiar twitching of his facial muscles and the lengthening of his teeth as they became long, sharp fangs. His skin rippled and rolled as his muscles swelled and thickened. The metamorphosis was almost complete; he felt the Human part of his mind being submerged by the beast as coarse, thick, bristly animal fur sprouted over his entire body.

The thing he had now become drew its black lips back over its fangs, threw back its shaggy head and loosed an unearthly, bloodcurdling howl. Silver threads of saliva drooled from its snarling maw as it glared menacingly about its surroundings. Its bestial mind was driven by only one impulse: the urge...no, the need...to hunt down, to kill and feed upon its Human prey.

The werewolf loped from the cave and raced over the soft ground, running like the wind, silent and merciless.

He would find her. He would hunt her down, and ravish, kill and devour her.

It would not be long now….


2.

“Oh, God, Bobby – what are you doing? That feels so good!”

Bobby Martin couldn’t believe his luck.

Bethany Jensen, the hottest girl in the junior class, captain of the cheerleading squad, all four feet eleven inches of her, was naked in the back seat of his fire engine red Mustang convertible. It was a typically hot and humid evening in late August; dusk was gathering as the full moon rose behind the trees. They had parked in a secluded pulloff, an open parking area near the head of a hiking trail.

Bethany curled her toes, and drew her shapely legs back until her knees touched her firm breasts. The delicate scent of her pussy was wonderful, like roses. She had probably douched with something, but he didn’t care.

He studied her closely as he teased her, tonguing her engorged clit. Bethany was a wet dream come to life, an ethereally beautiful girl, all blondeness and blue eyes and peaches and cream, with a perfect little teenaged body. Nice ass; flat, well-toned belly; and full, rounded breasts that jutted up proudly from her chest, defying gravity. Bethany’s tits were legendary. He loved watching them bounce and jiggle under her sweater as she led cheers at football games.

Now he was enjoying watching them bounce and jiggle in all their naked, pink-tipped glory as she squirmed under him.

Bobby had gone to her eighteenth birthday party last week, and had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her out. He had never dreamed it would lead to this! It was only their fourth date.

He was just an average guy. Good-looking enough, slender, but not movie star handsome. He wasn’t a football player. He wasn’t even the class brain; he was a slightly above-average student, but nothing to write home about.

Of course, he did have the Mustang, his own eighteenth birthday present last fall!

As hard as it was to believe, Bethany was lonely. She intimidated guys without meaning to. She was shy – shy! - and her reticence was mistaken for stuck-up aloofness. Even the football players didn’t try to hit on her, figuring a beautiful little girl like Bethany had to have a boyfriend – probably a college guy.

As it turned out, all Bobby had to do was ask.

He buried his face between her legs and ate her out, sucking and nibbling the wet, pink folds of her cunt with lips, teeth, and tongue, reveling in her clean scent and her salty-sweet taste. She screamed as the curled tip of his tongue found her clitoris, and she bucked and writhed, soaking his upholstery with her juices. Her eyes flew open wide; she wrapped her legs around his head and knotted her fingers in his sandy hair. He managed to get his nose, mouth, and chin up inside her. Her incoherent screams of pleasure rippled through the woods as the last rays of the sun scattered across the purple sky.

Bethany finally shuddered and lay back on the seat. She was almost purring. She massaged her breasts, then reached down between her legs and langorously rubbed herself.

She smiled up sweetly at him.

"Now let me do you."

They were a little cramped for space in the back seat of the Mustang. Somehow she contorted her petite form beneath him until his thick cock hovered over her face. She eagerly tried to swallow him whole, but gagged and almost threw up. She was awkward at first; it was obvious she had never done this before, which Bobby found difficult to believe, but she got better with practice as she continued to suck.

It made him even hornier to think that his cock might be the first one Bethany had ever sucked. The wet heat of her mouth wrapping around his throbbing penis felt great.

Bethany suddenly pulled away, and Bobby moaned in frustration. She stared at his big, rigid cock, looking suddenly lost now – and a little scared.

“Hey – you okay?” he asked.

“I-I want you to make love to me,” she whispered. “But……I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?” Bobby’s tone was incredulous. “Why?”

She gazed down, shamefaced.

“I’ve never….I’ve never done it before!”

His eyes widened.

“You are kidding, right?” he asked. “A beautiful girl like you – you’ve never….?”

There were tears in her eyes. She shook her head.

“I’ve never been with a boy – I mean, not like this.”

Bobby Martin was stunned.

She was a virgin!

Beautiful Bethany Jensen, the cream queen of Winslow Junction High, was a virgin!

Who would have thought it? Not only was he going to fuck her, he was going to pop her cherry as well!

“Are you sure you want to?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes….I mean, I think so.”

She smiled through her tears.

“I really like you,” she whispered. “I want to do it with you. Will it…will it hurt?”

He shook his head.

“Not really. Kind of like a flu shot. It’ll sting for a second, but it’ll feel so good afterwards that you won’t even think about it.”

She lay back on the seat with a sensuous smile then, and spread her legs wide.

“Then let’s do it!”

Somewhere in the nearby forest, a twig snapped and leaves rustled – but the young lovers were too wrapped up in themselves to notice...

Bobby was only too happy to oblige. He entered her slowly. She was wet, and incredibly, pleasurably tight.

He continued to push slowly and gently until he met with resistance.

“Owwwwwwwwouuu!” she cried, tensing up. “Easy – it hurts!”

“Just for a second, remember?”

Then, without warning, he shoved himself into her to the hilt. Bethany screamed as her hymen tore like wet tissue paper. Bobby began to thrust in earnest, and her sobs quickly became sensuous, throaty moans of pleasure.

“Oh, God – yes!” she gasped. “Ohhhhhh……it feels so good!”

He came several moments later, and she quickly followed, screaming, whipping her head from side to side as she climaxed.

They collapsed in each others arms and kissed for a long time, their tongues wrestling with each other.

“Ohhhhh,” she breathed finally. “I had no idea that could feel so good. I should have done this a long time ago! Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he said as he caught his breath.

“I’ve missed out on so much,” she said. “I’ve been so lonely.”

Bobby shook his head in disbelief.

“Bethany, you’re the most beautiful girl in Winslow Junction – Hell, maybe the most beautiful girl in the state of Washington! I can’t believe you’ve never made it before. You could have had any guy you wanted.”

Bethany smiled.

“I want you,” she whispered. “You’ve always been so nice to me, even before you got up the courage to ask me out. You weren’t afraid of me because I was pretty. You’d think I was going to tear out their throats or something.”

They kissed again. Her dreamy smile became suddenly mischievous.

“Everybody thinks I’m Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes,” she said. “I want to do something really nasty to prove them wrong.”

“Like what?”

Her grin became lascivious.

“I want you to fuck me in the ass!”

Bobby gulped. Could this night get any better?

“Are you sure about that? That’ll hurt more.”

“I’m sure,” she said. “I trust you.”

Bobby’s cock grew even harder and longer at the prospect of fucking Bethany’s incredible little ass. She got on her hands and knees and raised her perfect backside in the air. Then she reached around with her hands and spread her buttocks, exposing her puckered little pink asshole.

To Bobby, it looked like a tiny eye winking at him.

‘I’ve created a monster,’ he thought. ‘Here goes.’

Bethany Jensen’s screams of pain rang through the forest for several minutes, but she loosened up and relaxed before too long. Bobby began to fall into a steady, pumping rhythm, fucking her rear for all he was worth.

Her ass, of course, was even tighter than her virgin pussy had been. Bobby threw back his head as he built to a climax.

And then Bobby Martin’s world exploded in a red haze of incredible pain, pain so intense he couldn’t even breathe, much less cry out. Razor-sharp, four inch claws dug in deep under his chin and jaw. He ejaculated reflexively, and semen spurted from his cock as he was bodily pulled out of Bethany’s ass and lifted from the back seat. Through the scarlet veil that occluded his vision, he saw a powerful, thewed arm covered with thick brown fur reach down between his legs, long ebony claws gleaming like scalpel blades on the ends of elongated fingers.

The talons sliced up behind his scrotum and lopped off his genitals – half-erect cock, balls and all - and then slashed upward, gutting him from crotch to chin. He managed only a horrible, wet, gurgling sound as his world went dark.

The last thing he saw was his hot blood and entrails spraying all over Bethany’s well-formed ass and back.

The last thing he felt was the searing agony of long fangs, like twin rows of daggers, biting deep into his neck under his chin, severing his jugular and windpipe and nearly decapitating him…..

Bethany was rhythmically thrusting back with her ass, getting hotter by the moment, her head whipping from side to side. Guttural, slutty moans of pleasure issued from her throat. The sensation of Bobby pulling his pulsing cock out of her ass barely registered through the orgasmic fog clouding her brain.

An instant later, though, hot liquid rained down on her back and ass. She pounded the seat in frustration.

He had pulled out and was coming all over her! How could he?

But the scalding wetness kept pouring down on her in torrents, and she realized, even as naïve and inexperienced as she was, that no guy could hold that much jism!

Slowly, fearfully, she turned her head back over her shoulder – and screamed at the top of her lungs.

Bethany Jensen was being showered with blood and entrails, and they were spewing from the gutted remains of Bobby Martin.

Some thing had him by the neck, long fangs buried in his mangled flesh. It was shaped like a huge, muscular man, nearly seven feet tall, but had the face and shaggy head of…of a wolf!

Then the creature tore out Bobby’s throat. The boy’s severed head toppled from his shoulders and bounced on the seat next to her. His glassy, dead eyes stared unseeingly at her.

Bethany screamed and urinated in sheer terror.

The werewolf casually tossed the dead boy’s mutilated corpse over his shoulder, as if he were a used Kleenex. The headless carcass lodged in the crotch of a tree eight feet off the ground.

With a swipe of his foot, the creature kicked Bobby’s severed head out across the parking lot.

Bethany continued to scream, squatting on the back seat, rooted in place. Everything was moving in slow motion. The wolfman’s huge cock was fully erect and stood up against his rock-ribbed belly. It looked to be as long as his forearm, with the head as wide as two fists. A droplet of pre-cum wept from the tip.

The werewolf grinned at her.

He was on her then, flipping her over on her belly, shoving his thick, rigid meat into her tight pussy. He fucked her brutally, taking his time with her. Her screams were ragged and terrified.

"GOD, STOP – YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! PLEASE, NOOOOOOOOOOOO…..”

Bethany’s pleas were ignored. The beast continued to pound her mercilessly. Powerful paws brutally crushed her firm young breasts as he violated her. She felt her insides tear as the werewolf's huge organ ripped through the roof of her cervix and kept going, driving far up inside her body. Her screams doubled in intensity, and so did her pain.

After what seemed like endless torture, the werewolf bellowed and flooded her womb with his seed. Bethany lay moaning in agony. She could feel blood gushing from her torn sex and ruptured uterus. Her breath came in short, terrified gasps; she knew she would die unless she got medical attention, and soon. She flickered in and out of consciousness, like a guttering candle flame.

"Uhhhh…ooouuwww …oh, God…..hurts………” she sobbed. “P..please…nuh-nuh-no more….ooouuuwwwww….. ”

She heard a menacing snarl and her eyes fluttered open.

The werewolf rolled her over on her back. Bethany stared up at the monster looming over her. She was too weak to move, in agony from her internal injuries. She blanched in terror; her face turned as pale as milk.

She saw her death mirrored in the werewolf’s soulless golden eyes.

Bobby’s blood dripped from his giant fangs as his snout and lips curled up in a snarl. Lethal talons gleamed in the light of the full moon as he raised a powerful arm high over his head.

“Oh, God – p-please don’t k-kill me! Nooooooooo……………..”

Suddenly, the werewolf loosed a feral roar. The great paw whipped downward, ripping Bethany’s face, breasts and stomach to bloody ribbons. She fell off the seat, and crumpled face down and screaming on the floor. Her blood puddled rapidly beneath her.

Claws dug in deep, laying open her back to the bone and shredding her beautiful, fleshy ass.

And then she shrieked insanely in agony and terror as the werewolf swept her up in a bear hug with one huge arm, snarling ferociously. His claws slashed across her face from left to right, sliced open her perfectly-formed breasts, reducing them to mangled lumps of raw, bleeding meat. He mauled her again and again, carving her smoothly-tanned legs into gory tatters. Exposed muscle throbbed, and here and there white bone glinted where chunks of flesh had been torn away.

Bethany thrashed and kicked frantically with the last reserves of her strength, agonized screams ripping from her throat. The werewolf yanked back on her left shoulder; her collarbone and shoulder blade broke with a brittle ‘crack.’ The beast gutted her with a disemboweling slash, opening her stomach. Her entrails spilled out over her lower abdomen and hung down below her knees.

The werewolf lunged. He buried his fangs in her broken shoulder, and, with a terrible growl, lifted her and shook her like a terrier would a rat. Bethany’s teeth rattled as she was savagely whipped from side to side. She spit up blood.

Finally, mercifully, it was over.

There was a flash of white in the moonlight as razor-sharp fangs found her unprotected throat. Bethany’s screaming eroded into a pitiful, gurgling wail as powerful jaws clamped down beneath her chin with crushing strength. With a savage toss of his great head, the creature tore out her throat in an explosion of blood and mangled meat.

Her legs stopped kicking and twitched feebly as she succumbed to deep shock. A shudder rippled through her mutilated body.

The bloody maw bit into one of her shredded breasts and ripped it from her chest.

The last sensory impression of Bethany Jensen’s young life was a visual one of an unholy monster gulping and swallowing a chunk of flesh that had once been part of her.

Then the blackness of forever seeped in.

But the beast continued to maul his dead prey in a frenzy of blood-lust. Deadly fangs and talons slashed and tore, raking the soft, tender flesh of the mutilated body until it was reduced to an oozing, shapeless mass covered in gory red slime.

Finally, the werewolf stopped. He stood up to his full height in the back seat of the Mustang, in a puddle of blood that was nearly ankle-deep. He raised the young girl’s tiny, mangled body over his head with one powerful arm, as if she were a bloodied rag doll. Gruesome splashes of crimson dripped from his jaws and talons as he defiantly bayed at the moon, heralding his successful kill.

The werewolf dragged the pitiful remains from the car and dropped them on top of a large, flat boulder.

Then he settled down to feed.

As the moon crawled slowly toward the zenith, the beast began to devour all the soft body parts and steaming, glistening organs. He ate her other breast first. He devoured her buttocks, tore out her vagina by the roots, and then gnawed on some of her intestines.

When he finished, he would leave behind only scattered, bloody bones, teeth, and hair. The creature bolted down great pieces of flesh he ripped from Bethany’s still-twitching corpse. The hunger was all encompassing; his overdriven metabolism demanded that he feed.

Suddenly, headlights swept the parking area, and the werewolf snarled, irritated at having his meal interrupted. He faded back into the treeline just beyond the edge of the lot.

An Explorer – a Park Ranger’s vehicle. The big 4-wheel drive rolled to a stop next to the Mustang.

The ranger got out. She was a beautiful young brunette who filled out her uniform quite nicely.

She frowned at the sight of the Mustang.

The beast‘s cock hardened again at the sight of the lissome female. He gathered his legs, ready to pounce….

Lieutenant Megan Foster of the Winslow Junction State Wilderness Area Park Rangers shook her head.

Bobby Martin’s Mustang. It was probably the most well-known car in the small town of Winslow Junction.

‘Looks like Bobby got lucky tonight,’ she thought.

Megan wanted desperately to go home, but she had six more hours left on her shift. Her breasts were sore and swollen and felt as if they would burst; she was full of milk. She hadn’t had time to pump them before she left for work. She hoped Brandon, her infant son, was plenty hungry tonight!

“Kids!” she muttered. “Probably out in the woods screwing! Serve ‘em right if a grizzly came along.”

She cleared her throat.

“Bobby! This is Lieutenant Megan Foster with the park rangers. It’s illegal to get some nookie in a State Wilderness Area. You and your little girlfriend better come out of the woods now with your clothes intact. If you do, we’ll forget all about this and you can drive out. Besides, it can be dangerous in these woods at night.”

Then her flashlight played over the sea of blood in the back seat of the Mustang and she gasped.

She saw Bobby’s severed head lying face up in the parking lot, and she went white.

“Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod!”

Something was dripping steadily on the rim of her Smokey Bear hat.

Rain?

No, it was red.

Blood!

She gazed around wildly, her head whipping from side to side. She caught a glimpse of Bobby’s gutted corpse hanging in the tree, and then her frantic gaze fell on Bethany’s pitiful, eviscerated remains, which looked like a deer that had been run over by a dozen tractor-trailer trucks.

She gagged and retched.

She wiped her streaming eyes, and, hyperventilating, reached for her shoulder radio with trembling fingers.

With an elemental roar, the werewolf leaped from the brush and landed at her feet. Megan shrieked in abject terror and wet her pants. Her radio went flying as she clawed for her pistol.

As she pointed the weapon at the werewolf, he lashed out and tore off her arm at the shoulder.

The severed limb flew into the woods, trailing a stream of crimson, and six foot jets of blood spurted from the stump.

Megan Foster screamed mindlessly. She staggered backwards, stumbling to the Explorer.

Somehow, despite her agony, she managed to open the driver’s side door. She sank back against the seat. Deep shock was clawing at her consciousness.

She was bleeding to death! She had to get help.

As she awkwardly fumbled across her body with her left arm for the car radio’s microphone, the werewolf plunged a powerful fist through the windshield. He grabbed the screaming young woman by her throat and viciously yanked her out of the vehicle through the windshield in a shower of broken glass.

He grabbed both of Megan’s ankles in one huge paw. He lifted her high in the air, swung her down, and brutally smashed her face-first into what was left of the Explorer’s windshield. He yanked her out onto the hood. Shards of glass were buried in her bloody face, scalp, and neck. There were slivers embedded in her eyes. Her blood was everywhere.

As Megan lay on the hood, moaning in agony, deadly talons slashed and tore until they had ripped away the last scraps of her bloody, sodden ranger’s uniform and undergarments, leaving her naked and covered with gory claw marks. The werewolf gripped her ankles, spread her legs wide and, without preamble, plunged into the dying woman, forcibly opening her sex. Megan jerked and screamed as he raped her. His vicious thrusts snapped her pelvic bone and punctured a lung. She piteously begged for mercy.

After punishing her for several long minutes, the werewolf arched his back and climaxed with a howl.

He gazed down at his prey.

Megan Foster was trembling, cold and clammy and fading in and out of consciousness as the last of her lifeblood drained away. Her bloody breasts were swollen, and milk dribbled from her nipples. The livid pink scar of a recent Caesarean section stitched across her belly.

A new mama.

Her eyes flickered open. She saw the beast glaring at her with glowing red eyes.

“P…p..please……” she sobbed. “Get…me to a h-hospital. My….baby b-boy’s…only five m-months old. He…needs…me…”

The werewolf flashed a feral grin.

Then slowly, sadistically, he traced the Caesarean scar with a long, sharp claw, slicing Megan open and gutting her as she shrieked. With a vicious tug, he yanked her intestines from her belly.

He lowered his muzzle and cropped her huge left breast from her body and gobbled it down.

Megan’s pitiful cry ended in a gurgling death rattle, and a stream of dark urine spurted from between her legs. Even though she was already dead, the beast tore out her throat for good measure.

Then, for the second time that night, a howl of triumph echoed through the thick woodlands of Winslow Junction State Wilderness Area, announcing another kill.

The beast turned his attention to the fresh carcass, eating ravenously. Blood streamed over the hood of the Explorer in glistening red torrents.

Somewhere in the nearby town, a man and his infant son would wait in vain for the return of a young mother.......

To Be Continued.........

[Gurdit]

vorcla, this is a fantastically written piece. Even when I was reading it (while editing), I had the feeling that the author wasn't someone new to writing. The best part is that it grips the reader right from the first sentence, and keeps the reader interested till the end. The suspense builds up so well that I can't wait to read part 2!

Some words you used made me check them up with a dictionary, but your word usage was immaculate. I couldn't spot any grammatical and/or spelling errors! Good job!

[Vorcla]

Thanks for the kind words, tidruG - and I appreciated your editorial input. Glad you enjoyed it. I like to write so that it feels as if you're going downhill on a sled with no brakes. I like to keep things moving. Occasionally you'll hit a level spot at the bottom of a hill (you gotta slow down ONCE in a while!), but before you know it, you're heading downhill again.

We're just getting started. There are a few twists on the way too!

[Venomous Vixen]

Derek Talbot jerked convulsively and cried out as the moon’s rays washed over his naked body. He could transform himself at will, at any time, but he was helpless before the sinister glow of the full moon, its insistent tidal pull tugging at and distorting his brain. .

There seems to be an extra period on the end of that one

Nice ass, flat, well-toned belly, and full, rounded breasts that jutted up proudly from her chest, defying gravity.

I would suggest reworking the placement of her descriptions, upon first read it seems like you say she has a nice ass that is flat... possibly invert the well-toned and flat.

Bethany’s tits were the stuff of legend.

Somehow this one sounds odd to me, perhaps legend should be plural, or maybe legendary stuff instead.

Other than those minor things I had a bit of a problem with the actual technicalities of the sex scene. First off, well it just seemed odd she would say "Eat my pussy" when she had barely any sexual experience at all... I guess I would have like to have seen a little more action with her hands and eyes than actual speech that sounds experienced.

Also, he came three times in a matter of what, 20 minutes? Again, possible but unlikely. I know it serves the story to have the time set up this way but it makes it a bit unbelievable (I know, what am I saying this is a story about wherewolves, but you know what I am getting at).

The 18" cock on the beast was my last major problem, that is a foot and a half, a woman is 6 inches max inside. This would have probably caused her insides to rupture, I mean all the way up to almost her lungs and for the minutes he raped her I just don't even see it possible she would have remained conscious let alone not bleed out from it.

Anyway, just some minor things I had some trouble swallowing. Otherwise, your use of the english language and descriptors are truly amazing. You are able to say almost the same thing in such different words so it never gets dull or boring.

I really did enjoy this and will have to sit down and read the second chapter in a bit!

[Vorcla]

Hi, Bri. Thanks for the comments. Nice to hear from you!

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

I would suggest reworking the placement of her descriptions, upon first read it seems like you say she has a nice ass that is flat... possibly invert the well-toned and flat.

Probably should have used semicolons to separate.

Other than those minor things I had a bit of a problem with the actual technicalities of the sex scene. First off, well it just seemed odd she would say "Eat my pussy" when she had barely any sexual experience at all...

True - although she still might know the terminology even if she hadn't done it.

Also, he came three times in a matter of what, 20 minutes? Again, possible but unlikely. I know it serves the story to have the time set up this way but it makes it a bit unbelievable (I know, what am I saying this is a story about wherewolves, but you know what I am getting at).

He's an oversexed 18 year old boy. I can remember....never mind! Good point, though.

The 18" cock on the beast was my last major problem, that is a foot and a half, a woman is 6 inches max inside. This would have probably caused her insides to rupture, I mean all the way up to almost her lungs and for the minutes he raped her I just don't even see it possible she would have remained conscious let alone not bleed out from it.

Actually, she did bleed, if you go back and check. Again, good point, though.

Anyway, just some minor things I had some trouble swallowing. Otherwise, your use of the english language and descriptors are truly amazing. You are able to say almost the same thing in such different words so it never gets dull or boring.

I really did enjoy this and will have to sit down and read the second chapter in a bit!

Thanks again.

[Venomous Vixen]

Sometimes people go back and revise and it impedes the flow of the piece, but you managed to change a great deal without it being noticeable at all. The changes are spot on, answer many of the questions I had originally. The details regarding the sex scenes now seem much more accurate and believable. I like how you took out the exact measurement of the penis and rather just compared it to something large. This leaves the reader open to think what they will without doubting anything.

The one change I did not like (I know, scold me for this later lol) was removing him cumming as he was pulled off of the girl. That was actually one of my favorite parts, and since you have that they kissed for a while I can see him cumming twice. Three times was pushing it

Really though, this is a near final if not final draft as is in my opinion. Wonderful!

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

Sometimes people go back and revise and it impedes the flow of the piece, but you managed to change a great deal without it being noticeable at all. The changes are spot on, answer many of the questions I had originally. The details regarding the sex scenes now seem much more accurate and believable. I like how you took out the exact measurement of the penis and rather just compared it to something large. This leaves the reader open to think what they will without doubting anything.

The one change I did not like (I know, scold me for this later lol) was removing him cumming as he was pulled off of the girl. That was actually one of my favorite parts, and since you have that they kissed for a while I can see him cumming twice. Three times was pushing it

Really though, this is a near final if not final draft as is in my opinion. Wonderful!

Well, Bri, I can't have you upset over that story point, since your comments inspired the changes. So I resurrected Bobby, and he came one more time as he was pulled off the girl. Pretty good for a dead guy!

I think we'll let him rest in pieces now.

[Gurdit]

I thought of those points that Bri mentioned while editing your article. However, the reason I didn't point them out was because I wanted the story to remain true to your style.

I also knew that someone or the other would pretty much point those things out to you once the story was posted

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by tidruG

I thought of those points that Bri mentioned while editing your article. However, the reason I didn't point them out was because I wanted the story to remain true to your style.

I also knew that someone or the other would pretty much point those things out to you once the story was posted

No problem, bro. I'm ALWAYS open for constructive criticism, though. I'm always looking for ways to make it better. I think I'm pretty deft at taking someone's constructive comments and making adjustments while still remaining true to my own style, so don't ever feel like you have to hold back. One of the neat things about this place is that other viewpoints can really help you focus on your own craft. It's that old "sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees" pardigm.

[Gurdit]

I'll remember that when I corner part 3 to edit.

[RENA HANDS]

Should not Cardinal and Jay be capitalized?

Maybe it’s just me, but would a changeling really have time to fold up his attire? He is a man of fortune so why not just have a suitcase/closet filled with more garments?

I am sure it was just an editing error, but you have two periods in the following sentence…

…its insistent tidal pull, tugging at and distorting his brain..

(You might possibly need a comma also.)

I understand that this is a Werewolf story, but there are more dramatic names, Lycan for one. I apologize for not knowing anymore right off hand.

That was some graphic coitus scene. It could have been a little less blatant I think.

I think you mean boldly or did you intend bodily as in his whole body was torn out?

Terrier should be capitalized, I believe.

A fascinating story. A bit over dramatic with the sexual scenes I think also “gorging scenes” could have been a little less repetitive. But these are only my opinions.