Go Back   StoriesMania - short stories, poems, essays, scripts and online fiction > Reading Corner > Fiction Library [Advanced Writings] > Horror

fix bad credit | ForwardPress

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 1 votes, 5.00 average. Display Modes
  1 links from elsewhere to this Post. Click to view. #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2009, 08:17 AM
'Ginnis's Avatar
Occasionally Eloquent
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 948
'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member
Points: 8,439.35
Bank: 2,005,976.25
Total Points: 2,014,415.60
to - Dylan Vorcla Birthday - Dylan Vorcla Happy - Dylan Vorcla VQ3 - 15: Absitively, posolutely damned fine. I'm going to wait until I get home to leave my comment because I want to be able to do it justice. Reading it has spurred me to get on with the next chapter of DV:FM2. Great job, Kara! - Vorcla Just felt like it... - Vorcla 
Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Dylan Vorcla hurried down the narrow streets of London’s Werewolf ghetto, hands shoved deep in his pockets and eyes scanning the winding alley with a nervous urgency. Every brunette that passed caught his desperate attention; every sound of heels clacking upon the cobblestones he automatically compared to her gait and all failed to match. His mind kicked into overdrive; very little registered unless it was a possible lead.

The lights and sounds of the ghetto’s largest bar drifted slowly through his consciousness as white noise hums in a sleeping brain, and with a begrudging resilience he wandered into the establishment. The smell of alcohol and raw meat hit him instantly, two staples that were present in abundance in any ‘Wolf ghetto. Elbow’s tucked in as if protecting his empty body cavity, he made his way to the counter and flagged the barkeep.

Pudgy and round, an oddity for a ‘Wolf, the man raised a precarious eyebrow and his nostrils flared in a territorial snarl before he spoke. Vorcla was an outsider, a threat. Living in pack societies such as the ghettos honed a sense of territorial dominance, particularly the males. In the wild, Alpha males killed interloping strays. Such instincts were far from ignored among these men. “What can I get you?”

“Whiskey,” Vorcla said absent-mindedly, perusing the bar with keen focus. The room itself was dark and smoky, a rotting hole fit for things that went bump in the night. While he had seen significantly wilder establishments on his hunt, he would not deny this tavern its rightful position as one of the sketchiest places he’d been drawn to. The shadows provided anonymity to those whose goal it was to avoid the Lunar Council at all costs. Something more than a feeling told Vorc he wasn’t the only law breaker here.

Growling softly yet persistently, the barkeep poured a single shot of Irish whiskey and placed it before him. Vorcla shot back the drink as if it were water then slammed the glass down thoughtlessly. “Another.”

“You passing through or something?”

Vorc downed the second shot, coughing a little as the liquor burned his throat. Reaching into his jacket he pulled out folded photograph and slid it across the counter. “Seen her?”

The man looked down at the picture and a wry smile curled in the corners of his lips. “Ex of yours?”

Purposefully Vorcla allowed the shot glass to fall to the ground and shatter. “Have you seen her?”

Amused by the reaction, the barkeep held Vorcla’s impatient stare. After a tantalizingly long moment of silence he called over his shoulder to another man behind the bar. “Hey Jerry, come here a second.”

“What do you want, Paul?” Jerry roared, walking away from the overly busty woman he’d been engaged with. Vorcla looked at the brooding hulk and pegged him for being easily upwards of two hundred and fifty pounds, most of which he was more than certain was muscle. A large streak of healed skin covered Jerry’s left eyebrow, no doubt a battle scar. Vorcla had a feeling that whoever Jerry had brawled with however had incurred significantly greater damage than just a single scar.

“Look familiar?” Paul chuckled, pushing the photograph towards his co-worker, his grin widening with a malicious pleasure.

“Asshole,” Jerry shook his head and turned to head back to his wench.

Vorcla almost jumped over the bar, reaching for Jerry’s shirt sleeve. The man stared at Vorc, eyes wide with distaste.

“I’m gonna take that as a ‘yes’,” Vorc stared between the two men. “When did she come through?”

“About a week ago,” Paul told him with an indifferent shrug. “Wouldn’t have remembered her save she caused a stir.”

“Did she say where she was going?”

“How the hell should I know?” Jerry growled, gripping Vorcla’s wrist in an attempt to remove his hand from his arm.

Vorcla’s nostrils flared as with his other hand he gripped the collar of Jerry’s shirt. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Paul snorted, picking up a glass tankard and cleaning it out with a dirty rag. “At least nothing Jerry wanted to happen.”

“What does he mean?” Vorc jerked his head towards Paul while glaring at Jerry.

“Your girlfriend’s a fucking cunt,” Jerry spat in Vorcla’s face.

Anger rushed through Vorc’s body and with an enraged growl he swung at Jerry, catching the brute’s lower jaw with a clenched fist. As the hulk recoiled, he grabbed hold of Vorcla’s arm and dragged him over the countertop, knocking dozens of glasses and several bottles of alcohol to the floor with shattering clashes. Rolling around on shards of glass and in puddles of acrid liquor, the two blindly pummeled one another. Vorc could feel each blow delivered, feel the contact on his skin, but the force of each blow was numbed and muted; what had to be the riotous shouting of the entire bar fell upon him with a pulsating deafness, lost to the sound of blood pumping through his head.

Four pairs of hands grabbed him by the jacket collar and ripped him off of his opponent. Through swollen eyes he saw the barroom dragged out before him as several others slugged him away from the brawl. The room melted into an undefined tableau of blurred color and motion. The jolt of his head against the concrete curb as he landed out upon his ass brought the cacophonous sounds of bar and street back to him.

Rubbing his brow he looked back to see the door to the pub slamming shut and muttered as he pushed himself to his feet. She’d been here, but where had she gone? Judging by the way things had just gone, he wasn’t going to find out anytime soon.

With a disoriented swagger he made his way back to the car, concussion induced nausea threatening to reduce him to a pile of vomit there on the street. He could just make out the shape of the Range Rover a few feet ahead when finally the queasiness overcame him and he sank to his knees beside the curve, shuddering as bile and booze welled up his esophagus. He vomited painfully into a storm drain, pretending not to notice the swirls of blood within the acidic yellow solution.

When done he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, rolling away from the storm drain and inhaling a breath of sweet fresh air that only mingled with the taste within his mouth and threatened to send another wave of nausea over him. His vision began to sharpen, no longer affected by the head trauma incurred in the bar. He stared upwards at the city lights for a moment and when he felt he could move his head again, turned to look back at his car.

When his eyes befell the vehicle, he clutched his stomach, rolled over, and vomited once more.

“Charming,” an all too familiar voice said with a tone that hinted significantly more than just mild amusement.

Dylan coughed, his body fighting a natural urge to Change right there and destroy the speaker. Fighting rage, he was subdued by disorientation and continued to heave. The regurgitated liquid became redder and redder and he felt his claws begin to escape the tips of his fingers unconsciously, the curve of his back attempt to mold without his consent, and the familiar burning within his lung gripped him with a choking shortness of breath.

“You know, leaving your keys in the ignition while parked in a ghetto full of vandals and thieves,” LaGory watched with a sneer of satisfaction, jingling the set of keys playfully in his hand, “really, no so intelligent, Vorcla.”

“What do you want?” Vorc grunted, finally coming into control of his rage, and pushing himself up off the ground. Wearily approaching the vampire he extended his hands and choked, “Keys.”

LaGory dropped them gingerly into his outstretched palm. “You assume that I want something from you. Am I not allowed to call upon my favorite great-grandson?”

“You wouldn’t come round these parts for a mere social call,” Vorc spat blood stained saliva onto the ground and wiped away a trickle of red from his busted lower lip. “‘Wolves round here would sooner kill you then let you pass.”

“You’re worth the risk.”

Vorcla stared at him for a moment, scrutinizing the bat’s face. It’d had been almost eighteen years since their last encounter; eighteen years since Vorcla had stood this close from ripping out the man’s throat and devouring it like a carnivorous beast. He felt no shame at the impulse; the monster deserved a pain-filled death and Vorc would have been all too obliged to give it to him. Still, now, here, with one thing prying away at his mind, Vorcla couldn’t find the passion he knew he had to destroy the pale figure in front of him.

“You want to kill me, Pops?” Vorcla sniffed, wiping his bleeding nose with the back of his wrist. “Here I am. Nothing stopping you. Do me a fucking favor, why don’t you?”

LaGory raised an innocuous eyebrow at the outburst, and then chuckled softly to himself, crossing his arms over his chest. His fangs crept over the peak of his parted lower lip in a horrifying grin of both malice and amusement. Shaking his head he stated, “Killing you now would be the most unfulfilling murder I’ve ever committed. Don’t flatter yourself, Dylan. It took me over a century to kill your father. That was rewarding.”

LaGory stopped a moment to shake his head as if lost in a fond memory. Looking back up he added, “Murder is a lot like making love to a woman, Vorcla. There’s no fun if there isn’t a little bit of fight.”

“You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”

“So I’ve heard,” LaGory shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re father used to say that…among other things. Truly did have the mouth of a sailor, that man. Of course, it wasn’t as if the pot was calling the kettle black or anything. He was just as bad—”

“Look,” Vorcla snapped, cutting him off. “I’m glad you’re having fun taking a trip down Memory Lane, but I’m kind of in a hurry. So, if you wouldn’t mind moving your corpse off my car, I’d be most appreciative.”

LaGory stepped away without protest and Vorcla threw open the door to his car, and slammed it shut upon entry. LaGory leaned upon the door and spoke through the open window as Vorcla crammed the key into the ignition and turned the engine.

“You’re running low on gas.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Gramps.”

With the corners of his mouth upturned LaGory reached through the window and patted Vorcla’s cheek. “You look like shit, boy.”

“Your powers of perception are amazing.”

LaGory pushed off the car and stepped back as Vorcla turned to reverse.

“I’ll be in touch.”

Vorcla snarled before slamming the accelerator. “Whoop-de-fucking-doo.”

______________________________ ______________________________ ___________________

Kara cracked her neck from side to side, waiting behind an elderly German man in line as he dug in his pocket for exact change. She cast a look to the illuminated display case filled with various sandwiches and pastries. Hunger resonated in her empty stomach and her dry mouth began to salivate. She hadn’t eaten since yesterday…morning.

She hadn’t been hungry. Rather, she hadn’t allowed herself to notice the hunger residing within her. The taste of human flesh was still too fresh, the sweet aroma of blood too pertinent, in her memory. She had to starve herself. It was the only way she knew to make the craving go away. Images of the mauled corpses from Paris quickly flashed through her jaded mind and guilty nausea bubbled inside. Food. Food and coffee would take care of this.

“Ein Wurst,” she told the server, pointing to a sausage within the display case. “Mit Senf.”

“Getränk?”

“Kaffee, bitte.”

Kara threw down a five euro bill and waited for the man to return with a cup of sobriety. She took the Styrofoam container with a nod of thanks and turned around, clumsily clashing into the body behind her. The scalding liquid sloshed over the brim of the cup, burning her hand and splashing upon the stranger’s white shirt and riding jacket.

“Sheissen!” she screamed, looking up in horror. “Es tut mir Leid!”

“It’s fine,” a lighthearted voice responded from the stranger. “Really, not that bad at all.”

“Oh,” Kara looked at him for the first time, her eyes opening wide. “Oh, thank God, you speak English. It’s so much easier to freak out in your own—”

“I was actually hoping the English would help you to calm down,” he smiled down at her with a friendly wink. Kara stared in jittered shock. Reaching for a fistful of napkins he added, “It’s fine. Really.”

Embarrassed, Kara shoved a lock of hair behind her ear. “Can I at least get you something to drink?”

“Tea,” he said, soaking up the liquid on his front. “Tea would be great.”

She turned back to the server who had watched the entire affair with a look of sheer amusement and ordered another coffee and a reparation cup of tea. Carefully, she walked back to the stranger who had now moved to the garbage can with his bundle of soaked napkins. With an uneasy smile she extended the cup to him in peace. “I’m sorry, really.”

“You’ve said,” he winked at her, taking a sip from the cup.

“Right,” Kara nodded, shaking her head. “I did.”

She made her way to a small table in the corner and sat down and, staring deep into the abysmal brown sea inside her coffee cup, and buried her head in her hands. She was so tired her vision was blurry, how bad the effects would be on her driving she couldn’t tell.

“May I sit down?” he asked, sipping coolly on his cup of tea.

“Sure,” she spoke down to the table. She heard the chair slide across the floor and scoot back in but didn’t bother to look up at him.

“So, what are you running from?”

She pulled her head out and squinted hard. When his image finally came back into focus she stuttered. “What?”

“I’ve seen that look in your eyes many times before. What are you running from? Family?”

“I haven’t seen my family in five years,” she told herself more than she told him. The statement made her cringe. She missed her half-sister and her aunt. She missed them more now than she had in the last five.

“A bad relationship then?”

She opened her mouth to protest his intrusion upon her personal life but stopped, choking on her own words before she allowed them to escape.

“Abusive boyfriend?”

She furrowed her brow then shook her head, deciding to turn to her coffee for solace instead.

He grew quiet. He’d struck a nerve, and that was just his objective. He knew all about her personal life, but desired to appear as if he were actually concerned. She looked like a train wreck. He pretended to be the concerned motorist, the kind that was only truly worried about her condition out on the road. He was surprised when she spoke up.

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“It probably was. You shouldn’t blame yourself for this sort of—”

“It wasn’t ‘that sort of’ thing,” she cut him off. “He wasn’t abusive. He— he loved me. I think.”

“You think? Isn’t that something you typically know?”

Kara paused, gnawing on her lower lip. “He wasn’t exactly one with words.”

He could see the memories flashing through her eyes like a film without sound. Gradually the image grew darker and darker until finally she shook her head and popped a piece of sausage into her mouth. She chewed heavily then swallowed.

“Doesn’t matter now. I’m gone.”

“You could go back.”

“I’m not going back,” she said affirmatively. She brought herself to look at him, really look at him for the first time. His skin was pale, hair dark, face chiseled, eyes a stormy grey. He was handsome, horribly handsome, pretty even. She wondered what he was playing at and when she attempted to read his mind she came up with nothing. She was so exhausted that even her supernatural strengths were failing her. The ‘Wolf could go only so far.

“So, where are you going?”

“Weissenberg.” She realized she was staring and instead turned her gaze outside to the darkness. A waning moon hung over the Bavarian tree tops, soaking them in a mystic glow.

“What’s in Weissenberg?” he drew on his tea and raised a curious eyebrow. He was intrigued by the girl, smitten with her even. If there was anything to be said about Dylan Vorcla, it was that he had impeccable taste in women.

“Family…I think.”

“You seem to think a lot.”

“It’s a long story.”

“How long?”

“About two hundred and sixty years long, actually.”

“I’ve got time,” he playfully threw open his arms and reclined in his chair, pushing it back on to its hind legs. “I’m honestly in no great rush to get anywhere and you’re the most conversation I’ve had since I left home.”

“And where is home?”

“Romania.”

“Thought so.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he leaned forward, smiling.

“I had a Romanian friend growing up. Your accent is almost identical,” Kara reminisced upon her childhood with a fond smile. She missed how simple life once was. “Anyways, my mother’s ancestors immigrated from Weissenberg to America in the 1700’s. I’m not ready to go home just yet so who knows, perhaps I’ll turn up a distant relative or two.”

“Preferably one with a pulse,” he grinned at her story.

She blushed at the attention he was giving her and shook her head. “Alright, what’s your story, Dracula?”

“Dracula?” he chuckled. “Where did that come from?”

“Only Romanian I know.”

“What about your old friend?”

“You’d rather I call you Bogden?”

He made a face and shook his head. “Well, given the alternative, Dracula will do just fine. Anyways, I have no concrete story, just sort of on the road for now.”

“No family?”

“None living.”

“No girlfriend?”

“None living,” he smirked. Kara’s shoulders bobbed lightly as she laughed to herself.

“I’m sorry, that must sound-”

“No,” Kara stopped him and covered her mouth, still laughing. “Your morbid sense of humor is greatly appreciated.”

“Ah, well, so long as you’re not offended.”

“Not in the least.”

The two smiled at each other for a long moment. The ringing of a cell phone interrupted the silence. He looked down at Kara’s black backpack then up at her, his brow furrowed in confusion. Casually, she polished off her coffee. “You’re not going to answer that?”

“Nope,” she stood up with her empty cup and half eaten wurst and tossed them into the garbage can by the door. “Chances are I’m not speaking to whoever is trying to speak to me.”

He shrugged understandingly and took a final sip of tea. She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder before looking at him with an odd smile. “Well, Drac-”

“Nilos.”

“Come again?”

“Nilos LaGory,” he stood and extended his hand. She took it haphazardly, still looking over her shoulder towards her bike.

“Of course,” she turned back to him. “Well, Nilos, it’s been a pleasure scalding you with cheap coffee but I’m—”

“You are?”

“—Leaving. Exactly. I’m leaving. So—uhm—” awkwardly she turned back towards the door and bit her lip. With a nervous laugh she added, “Good bye.”

She left the café and he watched as she knelt beside her bike and hustled out of the café after her.

“Wait,” he called as she lifted her leg over the seat and straddled the Ducati. “Can I go with you to Wiessenburg?”

She stared at him as he unlocked the bike beside her. It was a Triumph Street Triple R, a top of the line model that she had only been able to see pictures of online; a bike made to burn asphalt and significantly newer than her Ducati. She did a mental check to assure that no slobber was trailing out of the corner of her mouth. He caught her stare and sent her a playful and slightly suggestive wink.

She shook her head before putting on her helmet. She ignited the engine and revved it once, allowing the mellow purr of the bike to soothe her haywire hormones.

“Well?” he asked, before cramming on his own helmet. “Can I?”

She lifted her visor and with a teasing smile added, “Sure— if you can keep up.”

She slammed down the polarized lid, and without saying anything else ripped out of the gas station parking lot, beads of moisture from the light drizzle flying off tangent from the wheels of her bike.
__________________
"If we were in Gotham City, you'd wear leather and kiss Batman while I robbed a bank."

Last edited by 'Ginnis; 27-04-2010 at 01:06 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2009, 10:06 AM
Vorcla's Avatar
Bri's Dark Angel
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 5,368
Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!
Points: 666,125.95
Bank: 58,248,630.85
Total Points: 58,914,756.80
Happy Birthday Dear.  Wishing you all the best. - 'Ginnis Happy burthday! You're like superman you can get thru anything! Don't you ever forget that. xo - Dark-huntress Sending good wishes and thoughts - Kalinda Just, for you, I see you.  Bet wishes. - Lubesh Why can we give these as gifts?  I hate doing headrolls, there's always that one angle you bend to and you're like "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT?"  Likewise, because I can =P - 'Ginnis 
Send a message via MSN to Vorcla
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Indeed.

New ground covered here; I've been waiting for this. I was curious to see how you worked the werewolf ghettos into your story. Nicely done. Incredible descriptions as always. Again - and this is the strength of the whole series, I think - these guys in the ghetto bar could be your typical low-lifers, except - minor detail - they can turn into seven foot tall hairy monsters with fangs and claws.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 'Ginnis;
A large streak of healed skin covered Jerry’s left eyebrow, no doubt a battle scar. Vorcla had a feeling that whoever Jerry had brawled with however had incurred significantly greater damage than just a single scar.
Nice! The streak of healed skin speaks volumes and saves tons of exposition. A 'Wolf brawl. We can envision one just from that sentence.

You have a gift for coming straight to the point. Your narrative, while rich in description, is still lean and spare, economical, with, as always, drop-dead perfect dialogue. It's a gift I'm striving for myself.

LaGory.

Ah, yes. LaGOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYY!!! The ultimate villain. The scene where Dylan is ralphing into the sewer is classic. Here are these two superpowerful enemies and they basically just stare each other down. Dylan doesn't go after LaGory because he's distraught about not being able to find Kara. LaGory doesn't go after Dylan because he has other plans for him - and he honestly would get little, if any, enjoyment from destroying Dylan at that time. Vorc isn't exactly at his best. We get an idea of just how strung out Vorcla is when he tells LaGory, "Go ahead and kill me - you'd be doing me a favor."

And Kara. How I love Kara! Strong, sexy and beautiful - and yet so vulnerable. She's so miserable; she doesn't even know how miserable she is. She's just as strung out as Dylan, although possibly not for all the same reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 'Ginnis;
“What’s in Weissenberg?” he drew on his tea and raised a curious eyebrow. He was intrigued by the girl, smitten with her even. If there was anything to be said about Dylan Vorcla, it was that he (had) impeccable taste in women.
Uh, oh! Poor Kara - LaGory has the hots for her and she's playing right into his hands, too.

I do so love this story; this part, like all of its predecessors, doesn't disappoint. Best way I can describe it is just "damned fine..."
__________________
.

"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."



.

Last edited by Vorcla; 09-02-2009 at 10:12 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2009, 07:10 PM
Nathan's Avatar
Sniper
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 179
Nathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary member
Points: 60,121.64
Bank: 1,956,280.30
Total Points: 2,016,401.94
You are without gifts *gasp* and these will keep you entertained! - Venomous Vixen Bri's right, you need more gifts. I hope you drink, cause I don't :P - Gurdit Because it's awesome. - Rain timepass :) - Gurdit Hey. You needed one more gift to fill up the 5 visible gifts. That and there is something very amusing to me about giving a guy going by Mr Morbid a shiny diamond heart. haha - Syrah 
Send a message via MSN to Nathan
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Quote:
“Your girlfriend’s a fucking cunt,” Jerry spat in Vorcla’s face.
Tsk tsk, naughty words. I wouldn't have thought they would make it into any any story with Vorcla in it.

All in all, another nice installment in the series. I can tell you've gone through this with a very fine toothed comb several times. I look foward to reading the rest.
__________________
My muse is a fickle bitch with a very short attention span.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2009, 07:54 PM
Vorcla's Avatar
Bri's Dark Angel
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 5,368
Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!
Points: 666,125.95
Bank: 58,248,630.85
Total Points: 58,914,756.80
Happy Birthday Dear.  Wishing you all the best. - 'Ginnis Happy burthday! You're like superman you can get thru anything! Don't you ever forget that. xo - Dark-huntress Sending good wishes and thoughts - Kalinda Just, for you, I see you.  Bet wishes. - Lubesh Why can we give these as gifts?  I hate doing headrolls, there's always that one angle you bend to and you're like "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT?"  Likewise, because I can =P - 'Ginnis 
Send a message via MSN to Vorcla
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Morbid View Post
Tsk tsk, naughty words. I wouldn't have thought they would make it into any any story with Vorcla in it.
Hmmmmm. You haven't read all of Vorcla's stuff, then.
__________________
.

"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."



.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2009, 10:29 PM
Nathan's Avatar
Sniper
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 179
Nathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary memberNathan is an Honorary member
Points: 60,121.64
Bank: 1,956,280.30
Total Points: 2,016,401.94
You are without gifts *gasp* and these will keep you entertained! - Venomous Vixen Bri's right, you need more gifts. I hope you drink, cause I don't :P - Gurdit Because it's awesome. - Rain timepass :) - Gurdit Hey. You needed one more gift to fill up the 5 visible gifts. That and there is something very amusing to me about giving a guy going by Mr Morbid a shiny diamond heart. haha - Syrah 
Send a message via MSN to Nathan
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vorcla View Post
Hmmmmm. You haven't read all of Vorcla's stuff, then.
Well, I'll have to get onto that then, wont I?
__________________
My muse is a fickle bitch with a very short attention span.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2009, 01:14 PM
ea_blue's Avatar
The unseen writer
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 527
ea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary memberea_blue is an Honorary member
Points: 57,892.21
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 57,892.21
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

An enjoyable chapter! I was a bit surprised to see Vorcla chatting (almost) amicably with LaGory. I would've expected him to try and murder the vamp on sight. But I guess time has passed by this point and obviously Vorcla has other fish to fry. The dialog beside Vorcla's car was very amusing. The snappy banter was entertaining.

Kara continues to be an intriguing character. She moves around as a tortured soul and that's just right for the experience of a werewolf. As soon as you described the suave stranger beside her in the cafe I knew it was LaGory, the bastard. I hope fooling around with her gets really ugly for him.

Here's a few more dings/comments...
Quote:
Vorcla’s nostrils flared as with his other hand he gripped the collar of Jerry’s shirt.
This is kinda rough. It could easily be smoothed with small changes.
Quote:
“really, no so intelligent, Vorcla.”
"not"
Quote:
“Shize!” she screamed
"Scheise" (I googled for it) and if you figure out how to print an "esset" instead of "s", even better.
Quote:
abysmal brown sea inside her coffee cup
Loved this!

This is really coming along nicely. Looking forward to seeing what happens between Kara and LaGory. Nice work!
__________________
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
--Kahlil Gibran
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 23-04-2009, 03:27 AM
timtornado3721's Avatar
Sanity: not necessary
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Somewhere in between life and death
Posts: 352
timtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary membertimtornado3721 is an Honorary member
Points: 9,312.91
Bank: 463,160.12
Total Points: 472,473.03
Cause it's your birthday! - Atlas 
Send a message via Yahoo to timtornado3721
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Quote:
jingling the set of keys playfully in his hand, “really, no so intelligent, Vorcla.”
not

Quote:
“No family?”

“None living.”
Nothing wrong here. Just funny since a vamp has no pulse nor live friends. All must be in the same boat he's in.

Poor Kara, didn't she learn from Vorc who it was that tormented him? This'll be a fun love triangle to pursue. Mainly since Wolves and Vamps mix like sodium and water.

Nice job Kara.
__________________
The first day I truly tried to live;
Was the last time I ever breathed.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2009, 10:00 PM
dearest's Avatar
Quiet One
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,811
dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!dearest is so hot right now!
Points: 211,829.81
Bank: 614,910.27
Total Points: 826,740.08
Oh..and I do know how to spell "miss." lol! - Vorcla Always great to see you, hon! ^_^ - Vorcla Hi, you! - Vorcla Thanks for your new poem, hon. It was a joy to read. Made me feel almost normal.  ^_^ - Vorcla Just felt like it. Haven't given you anything in a while.  ^_^ - Vorcla 
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Lovely! Well, not sure if lovely is the right word to describe kickass barfights, vomiting, and eminent danger and mayhem from lagory, but that's the one that I'm going to use. ^_^ Dialogue and and description were excellent as always. Glad I finally got a free moment to catch up on this! ^_^ Well done.
__________________
Your battles inspired me - not the obvious material battles
but those that were fought and won behind your forehead.


Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2009, 03:57 AM
iwrite4areason's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Salem, OR
Posts: 582
iwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary memberiwrite4areason is an Honorary member
Points: 61,800.11
Bank: 828,871.22
Total Points: 890,671.33
Miss ya... - Vorcla Hey - I don't think I've told you how much I've missed you... - Vorcla Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my absent friend. I miss you, love... - Vorcla Happy New Year, Sweets! Hope 2010 is all you want it to be... - Vorcla Hey - there she is! Hi, hon... - Vorcla 
Send a message via MSN to iwrite4areason
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Quote:
through his consciousness as white noise hums in a sleeping brain
This sentence was a bit awkward for me. Might I suggest "through his consciousness, just as white noise hums in a sleeping brain,"

Quote:
Living in pack societies such as the ghettos honed a sense of territorial dominance, particularly the males.
particularly with the males/in the males?

Quote:
inhaling a breath of sweet fresh air that only mingled with the taste within his mouth
delete 'only'...doesn't really serve a purpose here.

Quote:
“really, no so intelligent, Vorcla.”
not so intelligent?

Quote:
clumsily clashing into the body behind her.
do you mean crashing?

Quote:
I’ve seen that look in your eyes many times before.
The way you word this makes it seems like he's seen her eyes look like that many times before...if you added something like "I've seen that look in your eyes many times before in other runaways" it might help to clarify.

Quote:
She left the café and he watched as she knelt beside her bike and hustled out of the café after her.
The entire wording of this sentence is a little awkward...

Well...the story is just as intriguing as before..though the writing seems a bit less polished. (Don't worry...it just assures me that you're still human and not some amazingly perfect cyborg-writer or something ) Keep up the good work! Hope my comments help a bit...
__________________
Do not overlook the obvious solution...
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 30-07-2009, 01:50 PM
-Jim-'s Avatar
Might be naked.
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,448
-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member-Jim- is an Honorary member
Points: 3,535.44
Bank: 19,806,639.30
Total Points: 19,810,174.74
jimmy your becoming one of my fav story-telling writers  in the site! HERE, write more and give me to read. =) - Dark-huntress :) - Syrah Merry Christmas Jimmy! guess what i got you?  LOL. - Dark-huntress A hot toddy to pick you up...get well soon! - Lubesh Have a happy one, man! - Vorcla 
Send a message via MSN to -Jim-
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Interesting! What does LaGory have up his sleeves? He seems to be everywere in this story so far. It's obvious that he is planning something what with meeting up with all the characters. Only found one typo:

Quote:
“You wouldn’t come round these parts for a mere social call,” Vorc spat blood stained saliva onto the ground and wiped away a trickle of red from his busted lower lip. “‘Wolves round here would sooner kill you then let you pass.”
Should be than.

I'm starting to get an overall idea of the story now, but I'm still puzzled as to exactly what our friend LaGory is doing. It sucks to see Dylan and Kara so blitzed. Hopefully they will pull their shit together before long.

Awesome writing as usual, Kara. I love the witty dialogue throughout this one. It makes it more real for me somehow.
__________________
Go vote on a challenge or will eat you!

Quote:
Oh...you...you...you BIG BAD WOLF! Bad girl! You go potty on the paper! BAD Girl!!!
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2009, 08:38 AM
dorian hanes's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,770
dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!
Points: 12,611.02
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 12,611.02
Wink Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

I’m going to ask (though I’m certain I already have the answer), but is -
Quote:
Something more than a feeling told Vorc he wasn’t the only law breaker here.
(Vorc is short for Vorcla, yes?)

Disregard my previous inquiry. I’ve my definitive answer.

Maybe –She left the café, he watched as she knelt beside her bike then hustled out the of café after her. (?)

I have but one gripe (is this the correct word?) the three varied dashes, I think they should be centered.

And now may I say –Mr. Stoker would be Proud and Honored I think to read such a read as this is.
__________________
If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-10-2009, 04:00 AM
Kalinda's Avatar
Chasing Gremlin
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 941
Kalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary memberKalinda is an Honorary member
Points: 61,816.98
Bank: 314,196.82
Total Points: 376,013.80
No pens, pencils or paints. Just think of these as watercolours for you brushes. - Phonoho Thanks - and congrats on the Editor post... - Vorcla Now we have to match it.. hee hee - creativeminds Hi! - Gurdit It's been wayy too long. How are you? *hugs* - Dark-huntress 
Send a message via MSN to Kalinda
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Ooo, what are you up to LaGory? It's different seeing him in this kind of setting, relating in an almost-human way with someone. I keep expecting the fangs to come out any second. This way, its intriguing and unsettling because you just know he's up to something.

And Dylan's back with a bang. Good to see him.

This chapter reads much 'faster' than the previous one, more 'active voice', more of a balance between detail, dialogue and action.

A good read.

Last edited by Kalinda; 08-10-2009 at 08:22 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 08-10-2009, 07:43 AM
'Ginnis's Avatar
Occasionally Eloquent
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 948
'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member
Points: 8,439.35
Bank: 2,005,976.25
Total Points: 2,014,415.60
to - Dylan Vorcla Birthday - Dylan Vorcla Happy - Dylan Vorcla VQ3 - 15: Absitively, posolutely damned fine. I'm going to wait until I get home to leave my comment because I want to be able to do it justice. Reading it has spurred me to get on with the next chapter of DV:FM2. Great job, Kara! - Vorcla Just felt like it... - Vorcla 
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Thanks for the input!
__________________
"If we were in Gotham City, you'd wear leather and kiss Batman while I robbed a bank."
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 16-10-2009, 04:55 PM
Venomous Vixen's Avatar
The Cat's Meow
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 4,567
Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!
Points: 270,276.55
Bank: 42,041,706.13
Total Points: 42,311,982.68
Happy - Vorcla Happy you day! :) Forget about the numbers ;) - Syrah The black rose is my favorite of all so I give it to you as a thank you....... Reading your writing is such a pleasure that nice comments come easy - psycosis Miss you - badly. But you know that... - Vorcla Hey - think I just missed you...  :( - Vorcla 
Send a message via MSN to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Yahoo to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Skype™ to Venomous Vixen
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Again, got to this one late - I may save the comments until later in the series since I know they are all going to be fantastic. So, Kara and LaGory, ha, what a combo (I did not see coming!). You, my dear, are one awesome writer
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth View Post
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 21-04-2010, 05:09 AM
DarkStar's Avatar
You saw nothing...
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 396
DarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary memberDarkStar is an Honorary member
Points: 59,451.34
Bank: 309,453.86
Total Points: 368,905.19
Happy Holidays! - Persephone Happy New Year! Hope 2010 is all you want it to be... - Vorcla Just because. - Kalinda For your writing :) - Kalinda i hope you feeling better and come back soon =) - Dark-huntress 
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Right, time to start reading this series.

You've got my interest, and all I can really say is that I'll be reading more!
__________________
‘I am the creator of damnation,
the writer of visages,
the singer of murals.

I am the Abaddon Architect.’

A new game on SM - Sign-up and vote for your version of choice!
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 21-04-2010, 01:52 PM
'Ginnis's Avatar
Occasionally Eloquent
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 948
'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member'Ginnis is an Honorary member
Points: 8,439.35
Bank: 2,005,976.25
Total Points: 2,014,415.60
to - Dylan Vorcla Birthday - Dylan Vorcla Happy - Dylan Vorcla VQ3 - 15: Absitively, posolutely damned fine. I'm going to wait until I get home to leave my comment because I want to be able to do it justice. Reading it has spurred me to get on with the next chapter of DV:FM2. Great job, Kara! - Vorcla Just felt like it... - Vorcla 
Re: Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two)

Glad to hear it, DarkStar! Hope you enjoy the series and thanks for reading.
__________________
"If we were in Gotham City, you'd wear leather and kiss Batman while I robbed a bank."
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://www.storiesmania.net/community/reading-corner/fiction-library-advanced-writings/horror/15527-vorclas-quest-three-reconciliation-two.html
Posted By For Type Date
Vorcla's Quest Three: Reconciliation (Two) This thread Refback 17-09-2009 01:01 AM


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +9. The time now is 01:02 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
A vBSkinworks Design
Copyright © 1999 - 2009, StoriesMania.Net