[adrianhayter]

Seduction by Pickle

By Adrian Hayter ©


I picked up the receiver on the fourth ring. I waited until the fourth ring not to sound desperate or alone. The caller might think I'd just stepped away from a gathering of friends.

"I just bought a jar of your pickles and they're bad."

"I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. I don't sell pickles."

I wished I'd sold this woman her pickles for her voice was so crisp, not judgmental, just disappointed. Like me.

There was a long pause as she digested my answer while I sketched crude angles of various pickles on my desktop calendar. There was a lot of space to cover and neither of us spoke until -

"You don't sell pickles?"

"No, but I wish I did. It's not right you know. You get home, you open a chilled jar of koshers...I'm not being too forward, I hope, but I assume they're koshers. They wouldn't be sweet gherkins."

"They're koshers."

"I thought so. Well...I understand your disappointment. God knows, I've had my share."

"This isn't Leroy's delicatessen?"

"No, but aren't you interested in how I knew they were koshers?"

"Yes..."

"Your voice."

"What about my voice?"

"It's salty, like koshers."

"Is this Leroy?... my voice is salty?"

"Absolutely. I can tell you're not the kind of woman who would waste her time on sugary cukes. I bet you even opened the jar by yourself. You didn't ask your husband for help, did you?"

"He left me...last year."

"I'm sorry but it was his loss. He must have been a fool."

"I didn't think so at first but, you're right, he was a fool."

"Well...he's out of the picture now. You were too good for him, too strong. He couldn't handle a woman like you."

"What do you mean?"

"You have needs. That's something he couldn't understand. He wanted you to eat gherkins and you needed koshers. You're not the type of woman to daintily pick out a sweet pickle and nibble. You grab the largest kosher from the jar and practically swallow whole...am I not right?

"Yes...you're right...God damn it! I take what I need. Oh God, I take what I need!

"I thought so...you still there? Hello."

"...Uh-huh."

"What are you wearing?"

[Lubesh]

Ha ha.....very good, very good indeed!

[Perscription]

pretty cool! a little off the wall, enjoyed it.

[Timmay]

i enjoyed it kuz it was funny, but lets get real.

[Hyro_Shadowbane]

that was...different. Enjoyable though.

[adrianhayter]

I should confess. This short needs to be in the non-fiction, at least the fourth sentence since that sentence is true. My office number is one digit different from a small grocery store's number. I get a lot of mistaken calls, mostly complaints, and I try to solve them as best I can.

Just doing my duty for the American food industry.

Through some twist in the matrix, I get a lot of mistaken calls. A lady called me once, thinking I was some radio personality with a similar name to mine. She was a world renown accordion player she said, even had a command performance in front of the Queen of England. She insisted I listen to her audition, never believing I was not the radio announcer. I listened, she was right. She was very good but I could never get her on the radio, regardless of how hard I tried.

Produce is a different matter.

Adrian

[Lubesh]

and?...What was she wearing?lol

[Timmay]

Pt. 2.

I had a spliting headache the next morning. my cell had a new name in it, kelly. I called it and a man said in a deep voice "HELLO?"

I said, "can i speak to kelly?"

"THIS IS KELLY, DINGLEBERRY."

[adrianhayter]

Why Ms. Lubesh....she was wearing what all good accordion players wear.

Adrian

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by adrianhayter

Why Ms. Lubesh....she was wearing what all good accordion players wear.

Adrian

Hmm.... A smile?

['Ginnis]

Ha, witty and charming. Clever. The tittle's a knock out, by the way.

[Venomous Vixen]

This is very clever... I have to agree with the others, what's next? Is another chapter in order? Looking forward to it if so

[Alaunus1221]

He starts off this lonely man and ends up practically setting up a date with the wrong number caller by the end. I have always enjoyed dry humor and this was certainly quirky to say the least. I only wish you had spent more time with describing each person. Perhaps doing mirroring actions while on the phone. Or maybe further support of just how lonely they were, with him reaching into the refrigerator and eating on some of his koshers. Those choices are for you to decide, but I surely think that the humor would benefit by descriptions that accentuate their conversation.

Overall: Quirky. I like quirky, as long as even its randomness is governed by a common goal in the story.

[Venus]

This cracked me up. Not exactly a literary classic, but fabulous in its own right.

[adrianhayter]

Not exactly a literary classic

I,m crushed. I had hopes for the Newbery Medal. I'd cleared a place on my mantle between my Little League trophy for most consecutive trips to the restroom and my third grade hall monitor badge.

Oh well...Thanks anyway

Adrian

[Venus]

haha you're a funny one.

[Corneac]

Not exactly a literary classic

Pssh. Why not? I thought it was classic. I have a short attention span, so I love short, witty, dialogue stories like this Adrian. A joy to read. Great job.

[Deavlynn]

I love it. It would make an interesting short film.

My only suggestion would be to add more about what the characters are thinking or doing. It's all dialog, which makes it funny, but it really reads more like a play than a story.

[adrianhayter]

Originally Posted by Deavlynn

I love it. It would make an interesting short film.

My only suggestion would be to add more about what t