[superbum]

INDEX

Scene 1 & 2
Scene 3
Scene 4 & 5 <- You are here.
Scene 6 & 7
Scene 8, 9, & Credits


Scene 4

INT. APT LIVINGROOM - AFTERNOON

SUPER BUM still sits on couch, drink in hand and a plate of pizza on his lap that he eats from throughout scene.

SATIN enters from the kitchen with a canned beverage and a hot dog.

SUPER BUM
So did you get lucky with that goth chic?

SATIN
No, apparently the cult views procreation as God’s will.

SUPER BUM
And you joined that cult?
(PAUSE)
What a fag.

SATIN
It’s pretty gay, I’m not going back, plus those always warm t-shirts sting my sunburn. You know they have a warning on the label that says they may start a fire if left unattended. What the hell does that mean, will it just get too hot and burst into flames or is it going to grab a lighter and burn my shit?

Super Bum slaps Satin in the back as he sits down.

SATIN
Son of a bitch!

SUPER BUM
(musing)
You’d think after a lifetime of sunburn you’d get used to it.

FUDY enters from right.

SATIN
Yeah, no, it still frickin’ hurts. By the way, I thought it’d be really funny to rub my goat balls all over that pizza while I was drunk last night. How do they taste?

Super Bum pukes over the side of the couch, Fudy walks over and licks it a couple times.

FUDY
That’s not bad, but I don’t have time to finish so you guys better have this fucking carpet shampooed by the time I get back! If you guys think you can trash the place just because I paid the security deposit you’re dead wrong, I’ll fuck your shit up.

Fudy exits apartment.



Scene 5

INT. RECEPTION AREA - AFTERNOON


NEIL stands behind a dark wood desk with a big fake smile on his face.

FUDY enters.

NEIL
(overly enthusiastic)
Ahh, a new face, are you here to join our little family?

FUDY
(sarcastically)
Is this “666” Elm st?

NEIL
(still overly enthusiastic)
Why yes it is!

FUDY
And you’re Neil?

NEIL
That’s me!

FUDY
(mumbles)
Could he have found a bigger flamer?

NEIL
(no change in demeanor)
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that?

FUDY
(mirroring Neil’s enthusiasm)
Then I’m here to join your little family!

NEIL
Alrighty then, I just need you to answer a few questions. Let’s start by having you spell out you first, middle, and last names, and of course any suffixes you have.

FUDY
My first name is spelled F U G I T I V E my middle U N D E R

NEIL
Give me just a min, there we go, you can go on.

FUDY
(slower this time)
My last name is D O G and then the suffix is Y O.

NEIL
(obviously staling so he can catch up)
Ooooookaaayyy, And now your date of birth?

FUDY
(as fast as he can)
eight, fourteen, oh three.

NEIL
(taking even longer)
Sooo can you tell me about how many of the deadly sins you’ve committed?

FUDY
23?

NEIL
Your blood type?

FUDY
AB negative.

NEIL
Male, female...

FUDY
Ma...

NEIL
(quickly)
or neutered?

FUDY
(reluctantly)
Neutered.

NEIL
And are you sexually active?

FUDY
No?

NEIL
Your favorite color?

FUDY
(a little upset)
Gray.

NEIL
Species?

FUDY
Canine.

NEIL
Oh, oh. Looks like we’ve run into a little problem here, yup, it’s just as I suspected, I’m afraid we can’t let you join, sorry.

FUDY
What is it?

NEIL
Well I thought we’d run into this, you see dogs aren’t allowed to join.

FUDY
What aren’t we smart enough to join your little family.

NEIL
It has nothing to do with intelligence, it’s just that...

FUDY
WHAT?!

NEIL
Well, all dogs go to heaven.

FUDY
WHAT!?!

NEIL
I’m sure you can see why we can’t go around admitting people, dogs, that are guaranteed entrance into heaven.

FUDY
And you knew all dogs went to heaven the whole time?

NEIL
Everybody knows that.

FUDY
Why didn’t you say something earlier, before I answered a million questions?

NEIL
I didn’t want to say anything until I knew it’d be an issue.

FUDY
You’re dead.

NEIL
(still enthusiastically cheerful)
I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more assistance. I hope this doesn’t stop you from ever coming back if you need something.

FUDY
I’m going to murder you.

Fudy exits, leaving Neil alone with his big fake smile.

[Peppy]

Well, that's strange. I presume there will be more, or is that it?

The Super Bum and Satin was gross, in a funny way. It's pretty strange I never pictured goat ball before until now. Ewwwwww. As for Fudy, it sad for him. Damn Neil was just playing with him. Ho ho ho, some good laughs there.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Then I’m here to join your ittle family!

Did you do that in purpose?

[superbum]

There's more I was just hoping to get some input before I continued.

there's 10 scenes I scribbled them all down on paper, just dialog, before I submitted scene 1 & 2. writing the dialog came amazingly easy, that's probably why it's better than my other stuff, that stuff's hard to write.