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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 05-12-2005, 01:46 PM
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Company Clown

Monday.

"Steve?"

"I'm busy."

"Want to hear a joke?"

"No."

"Of course you do. Everyone loves jokes."

"Yours suck."

"Mine are unique."

"Yours are the only jokes I know that make me angry. Now get back to work."

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road?"

" ..........................."

"Come on, your dyin' to know!"

" .............................. .............. "

"Does that middle finger mean your curious?"

" .............................. ............................"

"Because he was dead! That's why he didn't cross the street! Hah! Never thought of that, eh? God, that one cracks me up. Every time. All right, I gotta get back to work but first let me tell you about Georgie over there, God Damn that guy is a lazy ass, never does anything he doesn't have to. Remember that report on shipping expenses that we were supposed to have done last Thursday? Well you know we didn't get it in on time because he was too busy fuckin' around on the computer instead of writing that thing out. God Damn, he's puttin' our department in serious trouble 'cause of that kinda crap. That's the kinda shit that I hate, sittin' around screwing off when there's shit to be done. The guy's useless! I been here two months now and haven't seen the guy do diddly, but I keep waitin'. And I'll keep waitin', because I got nothin' but time, you know man? Like at my last job - wasn't there long but....hey.....what's that? Come on, what is that? Shit man, looks like a God damn pair of nun-chucks! Ah shit man, you gotta let me try those out! I love that kinda crap! Smackin', crackin', come on man, let 'em go for a day, I'll have it back to you by mornin', promise! No? You got to be kiddin' me, man, those things are born to be used, not stuck in some drawer like that! You're a beginner aren't you? Never seen a pro use 'em? Oh you got to let me teach you how to use these things! Give 'em up, just for a day, OK? Oh these things look wicked, fuckin' heavy, too. I'll tell you now I'm a master at this kind of shit, nun-chucks and shit, spent a lot of time with these right here...made some myself......All right man, thanks man, I'll bring 'em back in tomorrow. Christ, these things are heavy! Fuckin' real shit, eh? Freakin' weapon......"

Tuesday.

Memo: One of our associates, Dirk Williams, has sustained serious injuries and will be unable to come back to work for a while. I expect that we will all pull together and get our reports in on time regardless. Cards and flowers can be sent to Pasadena Memorial Hospital, room 276.

"Steve."

"George."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Did you hear what happened?"

"Don't need to. I've seen more people knock themselves out with nun-chucks than I can count. That's why I keep them around. But go ahead, what's the damage?"

"Broken nose, lost two front teeth, chipped a couple more. He's got bruises all over him, guy kept it up until he knocked himself out cold. His land lady downstairs heard him hit the floor. Paramedics thought he'd been attacked by a bunch of thugs until they found the nun-chucks in the corner. Steve?"

"Yea."

"You're a genius."

"Not a genius, George, I just own nun-chucks and I know how to use them."
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Last edited by JirQUEST; 03-07-2006 at 05:03 AM.
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Old 31-12-2005, 09:41 AM
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Re: Company clown

I think it needs to be said: You are an incredibly talented writer. I've never had a problem keeping track of what was going on in your work. When Dirk was talking in that particularly huge paragraph, he honestly sounded like everyone at school. It gave a lot of believability to the character. You wrapped it up great. I can only hope all of your work carries around the quality I've seen so far.
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Old 19-01-2006, 04:18 AM
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Re: Company clown

That's a good ending. I chuckled (can't laugh in this place) a bit and was shocked at the end.

Good title choice by the way.
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Old 19-01-2006, 04:43 AM
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Re: Company clown

Lol well written.
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Old 20-01-2006, 04:25 PM
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Re: Company clown

Enjoyable but it feels like its missing something. I really dont know. Thats just my thoughts.
Anyways keep up the good work.
Yours truly Jimmy
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Old 21-01-2006, 09:24 PM
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Re: Company clown

Great dialogue, but maybe a bit more description wouldn't hurt?
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Old 25-04-2006, 12:22 PM
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Re: Company clown

I enjoyed reading that. The memo and the dates written in bold were both very effective narrative devices.
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Old 30-04-2006, 04:45 AM
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Re: Company clown

I'm gonna buy a pair of nun-chucks
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Old 02-05-2006, 12:56 PM
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Re: Company clown

This is good work. I liked the way your cgaracters were fleshed out. I especially enjoyed that you did such a good job of leaving the readder with no compassion for Dirk.
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Old 30-06-2006, 07:01 AM
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Re: Company clown

Awesome ending, and I agree with Kenny Blade. I didn't care at all when Dirk beat the crap out of himself. I was laughing my head off. Great work, lol!
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Old 15-07-2006, 08:18 AM
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Re: Company clown

Ah, everytime I read something by evrviglnt, he suprises me. You write humour as well? Damnit, I got alot of catching up to do! Great story, you had me laughing the start.

Oh yea, and I own a pair of nunchaku. As well as Sai's. Funny story if your interested.

/So me and my brother were fighting, in ninja suits (quit laughing! it was haloween and there were 5 of us) He had nunchaku, and I had my sais. It was a staredown. Both waiting for the chance to dart in. However, i dont know if any of you know this, but nunchaku are close range weapons that do quite a bit of damage. So natrually, I dart in. I thrust my sai toward my brother as to tangle up one side of him (he has two of them..) and be able to make a strike. He turns, drops his other ones (not quite what I expected) and chopped me in the face with an open palm. Not a pushing strike, rather he used the thin part of his hand like a knife against the bottom part of my nose. Blood was everywhere. I almost passed out a few times as well... Needless to say, i didnt fight him again, at least for a week. Then it was on!

P.S. you can have loads of fun with ninja suits.
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Old 15-07-2006, 04:12 PM
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Re: Company clown

Short, and kind of funny. Does everyone curse like that?.... I guess he's just the company clown. That one paragraph was kind of confusing, and it would help if you cleaned it up.
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Old 21-07-2006, 04:20 AM
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Re: Company clown

short, sweet, and very funny.

nice one.
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Old 30-08-2006, 07:03 AM
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Smile Re: Company clown

Made me laugh.
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Old 30-08-2006, 05:10 PM
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Re: Company clown

Really reminded me of someone I know or knew.... hmm. prefer knew- I really like your voice in this. I know the personality of the characters by how you used the dialogue. I agree that a little more detail (not too much) might help the story a little bit, but overall is not something you want to add much on. It seems like one of those fast writes that feel so natural because we have a movie we're playing in our heads that we just write down what we see. That's really how I like writing and I don't think it's as fun forcing...
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Old 12-09-2006, 02:07 AM
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Re: Company clown

Funny bit of dialogue there, I'm glad there's no one like Dirk at my office, although this would give me some good ideas if there was
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Old 27-11-2006, 11:59 AM
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Re: Company Clown

I thought the best part was the dry, modern, we-don't-really-care-but-we-recite-the-slogans:

I expect that we will all pull together and get our reports in on time regardless.
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Old 22-12-2006, 12:24 AM
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Re: Company Clown

wow i wasnt expecting to laugh as much as i did. very well paced plot, and i really enjoyed the dialogue. a very unique story that deserves another. will we see one soon?
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Old 24-10-2007, 10:07 AM
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Re: Company Clown

Really enjoyed this story. Great dialogue. Very effective portray of a horribly annoying person. I loved the ending; didn't see it coming.
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Old 25-02-2008, 11:19 AM
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Re: Company Clown

you use your dialects in a very effective way. it´s an interesting read and an enjoyable story as well, interesting form you use too. I agree with what´s been said though, maybe adding some descriptions would add to the quality of it. good job
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Old 17-04-2008, 07:50 AM
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Re: Company Clown

Good ending! I can relate to getting beat up with nun-chucks. I tried using my sons and hit myself square in the head!!!!!
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