[Razor]

Synopsis: This is the story of a young man, who meets a girl. She has him falling all over himself to impress her. However, the girl has a bit of an unusual past, which ends up creating some very odd situations. Mayhem ensues.


Warning: This piece does contain strong language. It is used very sparingly, but it is there.


My friends and I are kicking back a few and trying our luck with the ladies at a local dance club. The music is pounding, and I'm trying to move in a way that doesn't make me look like a total moron. I happen to be scanning the room when this girl looks right at me. Our eyes catch for a few moments. She smiles. There isn't anything special about it. No come hither look, but it is a smile.

I think she looks stunning in her flower-printed silky tank top and matching skirt, with a slim build and long black hair just past her shoulders. Way out of my league, but my confidence is better off than usual, so I make my way over... you know really smooth like... Not really, I was like an arrow seeking its mark straight and true. I am halfway over to her, when a dancing couple bumps into me and I dump my drink all over myself. They apologize, but it isn't their fault I wasn't paying attention.

By the time I assure the couple I am okay, the girl has moved. I look around, but she is gone. The disappointment is a little staggering. For some reason, I am really bummed, which is stupid because all she did was smile.

I head into the bathroom to try and get the drink out of my clothes. Some splashes of water and a few paper towels later I am back out mingling, trying to find my friends I ditched like last year's pop band.

I am weaving in and out of the people along the bar when a girl turns around and dumps her drink all over me. This is a sign to just go home. My clothes are all but ruined and if I stay here too much longer I'm going to be covered in alcohol from head to toe. I look up and my mind changes. It's the girl.

"I am so sorry!" She has beautiful green eyes. "I wasn't watching where I was going." And soft supple lips. "I am a complete klutz some times." Her face is so delicate. "I got it all over you." I wouldn't care if you dumped a keg on me. "Your clothes look ruined," I don't care. "And they look kind of expensive." On sale at Target®.

Then she clamps up like she is expecting me to really let loose on her. All I do is stare at her like a brain dead dork for the first few seconds, but I must have looked like I was really pissed off, because in the minkest voice I've ever heard she says.

"Sorry..." She scrunches up her nose a little and draws back.

Say something moron!!! I love that voice. It's my cool side that tells me when I am doing something stupid or nerdy. I think everyone has one. Mine tries to make me suave, but can't get through all the lame barriers.

"Don't worry about it." That a boy! "You can dump a drink on me anytime." Did I really just say that! "I mean, I don't want you dump a drink on me, but if you did I wouldn't mind." Moron! Yea, I know.

My witty and oh so charming statement pulls the girl out of her overly sorry complex; however, she still looks a little concerned probably because she is afraid I might try to stalk her. I sigh.

"Don't mind me. I'm a blubbering idiot sometimes, and don't worry about the drink. It's not a big deal." You saved some face. Now it's time to go. Right.

"Okay, well I've made a complete fool out of myself. That's on par with what usually happens in front of a beautiful girl, so I'm going to call it a night. Goodbye and I hope you enjoy the rest of the night." And with that I turn to leave.

"So, you're not mad?" How could I be? I've met you like two minutes ago and I am already spouting gibberish because I think you are amazing!

"No. It's nothing to get worked up about." Though, I do like that look on your face. It's making me melt into your hands like putty.

"Where are you going now?" To drink myself into oblivion and hopefully forget this ever happened.

"I'm going to head home." Why are you asking me this?

"Would you mind giving me a ride?" What!?! Huh!?! I stand there dazed and confused, because that came out of nowhere and clocked me. Speak! Oh, right!

"Um, I would, but one of my buddies drove, so I was planning on walking home. Sorry."

"Well, you could walk me home, if you don't mind." Hell no I don't. "I don't live far." You could live on top of Mount Everest for all I care.

"Sure. I'll walk you home." How the hell did that happen!?! I don't know...

"By the way, my name is Alexica." Lovely name. "Alex for short."

"I like your full name." And you too. "I'm James."

"Nice to meet you James."

"Nice to meet you Alexica."

With a beautiful, charismatic girl (although obviously a little curious to be asking me to walk her home) at my side, I stroll out of the club and into the night. I am feeling pretty good until two things happen.

First, I realize I have to make conversation on the walk to her house, and I already showed myself at my finest. Secondly, whatever she spilt on me has now penetrated my clothes and is working into my skin, and for an especially sensitive area below my waist line, it is causing some problems. She must have been drinking something with cinnamon, because it is starting to burn. I can endure this. It's just mind over matter. Half a block and it's all I can do to not walk funny. I see a quick shop coming up. Eureka!

"I'm kind of thirsty, and I need to use the restroom. Do you want anything, since your last drink went all over me?" And it's burning to beat hell. She smirks and gives a giggle, but it isn't like she is laughing at my comment.

Normally, I would pat myself on the back for sounding halfway charming, but this is no time to be celebrating while my twig and giggle berries are on fire. My future children are in danger!!!

"No thanks, I'm fine." Yes you are! Argh, no time to dawdle, getting hotter.

With that I duck into the quick shop and just short of a run, I make for the bathroom. In the bathroom I drop pants and douse myself with water and soap. The cooling sensation is uplifting. I let out a sigh and just bask in the feeling that my future children are safe again.

I am patting myself down when I happen to look over at the prophylactic dispenser and it hits me. She thinks I am getting condoms. So now she thinks I'm a horny dork... but at least I'm a safe horny dork. I wonder if that scores any points? No.

I exit the restroom, grab a drink, pay at the counter and then the two of us head for her house. I am in dangerous territory again. What can I say or talk about that won't make me sound lame? Ask about her and let her do all the talking!

"So what do you like to do in your spare time?"

"I like to read, go to parties and have sex with blubbering idiots."

Kwack! Like a ball bat to the back of my head that last statement leaves me confused and completely disoriented. It is all I can do not to trip over my own feet because suddenly the synapses in my brain aren't working properly. Where the hell did that come from and what do I do now? Hell, I don't know. Thanks a lot, when I need you the most.

All I get out is a, "ah, um," which is more of a drawn out stutter. She smiles and laughs.

"I'm joking! I just wanted to see your reaction." She continues to laugh. She has wonderful laughter. "It was just you stopped in the quick shop and I figured you were buying ..."

"No, you have it all wrong. I didn't go in there for condoms."

"You didn't?" She says with an excusing look.

"No," but she doesn't look convinced. It's time to come clean. Right as usual. "I went in there because...the drink you spilt on me was starting to burn...a very sensitive area." I give a nod downwards and she busts up laughing, causing me to blush.

"I'm sorry." She is laughing so hard she can barely get the words out. "I shouldn't laugh, but you have to admit that it is pretty funny." I laugh a little. Heck it is funny, when your twig and giggle berries are burning. She collects herself some more. "I'm sorry for laughing at you. Are you okay?"

"Yea, I fine."

"So you were in there..."

"Putting out the flames." More laughter follows and I feel more blood rush into my cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm embarrassing you." Yea... "I really feel bad that I spilt alcohol all over you, and then it...does that to you." She chuckles once more. "So you weren't in there getting condoms huh?"

"No, in fact, that was about the last thing on my mind."

There is an uneasy silence and I am about to say something when three guys step out of at the end of the block. Their cheap suits with festively colored undershirts mark them as unusual and definitely not from around here. I stop and so does Alexica. I look over at Alexica and she is scared. Really scared. Now, I'm really scared.

"Do you know them?" I say in a low and shaky voice.

"Yea, they want to kill me." Oh God.

"Why?" My voice breaks, ending in a squeak.

"I am actually in witness protection hiding here until my next court appearance. I plan to testifying against them and most of the mob." Oh fuck!

I suddenly have trouble controlling my bladder and bowels. I chinch down. I'm going to die. I'm going to die...how the hell did this happen?

Romantic Mayhem (Continues)

[Corneac]

That was awesome mate. Real funny and a great use of first person narrative. I dunno about the end bit...the mob? Hmm...well I'll find out soon enough. I'll put up the next chapter when they've all had a chance to digest this. The use of thought was excellently done, original form and added a lot to the story.

Speaking of this, really enjoyable. Really well-written, excellent flow, effective dialogue. A real entertaining read. But man, I've never been like that around members of the opposite sex, so perhaps that part was slightly unbelievable to me. But perhaps it is for some.

But fantastic writing and a great piece Raze.

[Razor]

Thanks alot. I'm glad enjoyed it and got a few chuckles. I understand how a suave man like yourself wouldn't be able to relate to James in that instance. It probably is a little over the top, but I was hoping that might had to the humor.

I edited a little here and there. There were some inner thoughts that needed color coded and the last part about the mob, I added two sentences to help give the reader a better idea of why the mob showed up. Hopefully it helps. Thanks again!

[catxwalk1234]

haha that was pretty funny. james is a moron. but a lovable moron =)

[Razor]

Yea, he is fool-hardy and definitely lame, but his heart is in the right spot. Thanks for reading.

[Vince]

Interesting story! As reader i couldn't help but putting myself in james' shoes. I hope the next chapter is as good as this if not better. Keep up the good work man.

[Razor]

Thanks Vincent. Thanks for the rating too. It's nice because it gives you a pretty good idea of where you can improve the story. I appericate it. I'm really glad you enjoyed too. (Probably, the best thing for me is when someone enjoys it.)

[FantasticMuse]

Yeah rather than just repeat what everyone else said, I'll just rate you. :p

[Razor]

Yea, Thanks Fantastic Muse. Hope you enjoyed it.

[Enreg]

First of all... WHOA! Didn't see the whole mob thing coming. I thought it was just a love story.

I found your story easy to follow and to get into. James and his inner voice are so funny. Puts a smile on my face. James would definitely still be standing in the club with his mouth wide open if it wasn't for his "cool voice"

The story is pure awesome-ness!

[Razor]

Hey thanks man. It was fun writing the two voices in his head. It's like two completely different personalities in one person. Tons of fun to play them off each other.

And you're right, I think James would still be there mouth agape.