[RENA HANDS]

WARNING: This story contains some instances of violence and sexuality. Parental Discretion is Advised.

The stars flickered in this unbearable summer's heat; this evening the winds were nonexistent, the suspended bloody moon with its crimson hues evoked threatening emotions within me as I waited. I was observing him as he pulled into the alley. The cracked, decaying wall seared with the lightest shoulder's touch. I rolled a half smoked cigarette between my sturdy, manicured fingers. A deep inhalation then a puffed exhalation of the dying butt...The black stretched limousine finally came int my view; its passenger or passengers had already departed. The fag was flicked away and I made an approach towards it.

The Miami Herald flipped through his hands as I tapped lightly at the sparkling glass. There was no response so I thrashed my head about, swiveled my hips and pounded violently against the driver's side window with a closed fist. Still nothing so I jumped onto the hood of the vehicle imprinting two shallow dents on the polished charcoal covering. My legs caught on fire, but I didn't care. His full attention was required; I turned away only to return with a powerful thrust against the window, cracking, exploding from the inside out. A reaction! He flinched and there was a slight crumple of the Sports Section.

The snobbery had persisted; he shrugged his shoulders and held the newspaper. Provoked by his ignorance I leaped then situated my feminine profile before his gawking eyes. My feet, my sandals veered out resembling the letter V...I rose lifting my Mediterranean silk dress and fully displayed the matching silk, side-tied panties. The paper promptly fell an inch below his sight.

He watched me dance; a swirl to the right, a whirl to the left. My head continued lashing about. My long locks shimmered against the lights lining this brick layered business unit. He was aroused, his smile confirmed interest.

Erotically stirred, I pulled down my dress and pressed my erect chocolate nipple touching the glass; my palms seared, again there were no worries. This statue was now examining the window. The paper slipped out of his hands onto the carpeted floor. I licked at the glass as a dog with its watering bowl; I shot up and shattered the window. He flipped me off kicking open the door. The seatbelt immobilized, profiled him so that he could only make out my trembling, glistening inner thighs. The limousine its metal frame scorched my steady, perspiring fingers as I gripped the edge and pressed my legs along the silver casing. I slid down the frame as an erotic dancer slides herself down the performing metal pole.

The chauffeur moved out of the vehicle and stood watching me whilst he smoked his cigar. He had hypnotic brown eyes and his short, graying hair was most drool worthy. The trap was set; I stepped back on my light tan sandals, wrapping my right leg around his neck, took away his cigar and inhaled it. Then I threw it into the open alley.

Pulling his hair and mashing our mouth together, I swirled and my tongue in reverse clock motion against his, it was stained with a Cuban flavor. In a blink of an eye we were rushed into the dance club standing at our eleven o' clock positon. Wanna be actors and scantly dressed models herded us onto the dance floor. This "hotspot" was one of fifty Miami warehouses being used for illegal activities.

New age grunge music blared and deafened the head bangers surrounding us. The men in their silk and cotton printed boxers, the women with their air sprayed body painted bikinis slithered, bopped, hopped and swayed around us. It was as if watching living bowling pins shuffle about without actually falling down. These living bodies wore plastic rings of glowing neon wrapped around their thighs, ankles, wrists and necks. Cigarette, cigar and pot smoked were detectable in the air and so too were some other unidentifiable odors.

I pulled this man to the center of the room; I ripped away his hat and tossed it into the foggy atmosphere. I licked his lips, rubbed my breasts against his flat, chiseled chest. My gown brushed in and between his perspiring palms as I twisted my hips harder against his groin snaking my arms above us.

I grabbed at his lapels and grinded increasingly forcing his fingers up into my shivering thighs. I could feel all ten digits piercing about hesitantly. I moaned in his ears, licked the outer edges of his ears. His shaking fingers maintained pressure against my panties. Reaching down at my left thigh continously brushing his arms, I reached down and inconspicuously pulled out a Kukri knife...I firmly gripped the brass handle and struck out at his throat. The blood sprinkled out hitting my closed eyelids.

He crashed to the floor gripping at his gushing wound. I climbed over him; his body thrashed as he gasped for air. This pitiful bastard reached out his pale, twitching hands. I knelt down onto his fluttering heart building pressure inside so that his pumping organ would burst. My moistened, russet tresses showered his face. The fine edges dipped into the serrated incision, snagging in his Pharyngeal muscles. We were eye locked. I spat in his face and drove the blade down further against his throat. The neck of this serpent was severed away from its shoulders. I craned my neck, repositioned the knife securely under my satin, cerulean corset, stood up and strolled away. The raucous tunes still reverberated and the dancers, oblivious to my actions, resumed bopping, skipping and hopping about.

Rena Hands August 2007

[Venomous Vixen]

The stars flickered this hot summer evening the wind was nonexistent,

Feels like it needs some kind of punctuation between evening and the.

Then I threw it into the opened alley.

I think open would sound better than opened

Pulling his hair and mashing my glossed lips against his smoky lips, I swirled my tongue in reverse clock motion upon his Cuban stained tongue.

You used the words lip and tongue twice in these sentences, maybe a synonym would fit better so the reader does not trip up here.

The only other suggestion I have would be when you say it severed the head it seems unlikely a concealed knife would actually cut the head clean off. Maybe a revision is in order there to contribute to the authenticity of the story.

Other than that this story was incredible, I really look forward to reading more. Great work Rena!

[RENA HANDS]

"Pulling his hair and mashing my glossed lips against his smoky lips, I swirled my tongue in reverse clock motion upon his Cuban stained tongue."

I suppose the word mouth could have replaced the second "lips" as for the word tongue, I could find no other.

As for the "severed head," I wanted to show the amount of energy used in anger to murder such a ferocious being.

I am joyous to read that you enjoyed this little bit, I have more following. I will try and watch my punctuation and grammar more closely. Thank you Venomous Vixen.

[Venomous Vixen]

What about something like
"I swirled my tongue in a reverse clock motion against his, which was stained with a Cuban taste"

Hehe as for the grammar, it was nice to correct one of yours for a change You have helped me on so many of mine!

Looking forward to more

-Bri

[Lubesh]

Great end to the prologue so matter of factly did she turn her attentions to starkly contrasted outcome.....ok, bring on chap 1?????lol

['Ginnis]

Incredible description through out the entire piece, very...well I suppose 'lovely' would be a bit odd but yes, well done.

"Cigarette smoke, cigars, and pot smoke were automatically...."

The asymmetry in this sentence made it a bit choppy, you may wish to consider your listing of smoke fumes for finer reading...or I could be way off. Whichever.

[creativeminds]

Originally Posted by RENA HANDS

The stars flickered in this unbearable summer's heat; this evening the winds were nonexistent, the suspended bloody moon with its crimson hues evoked threatening emotions within me as I waited. I was observing him as he pulled into the alley. The cracked, decaying wall seared with the lightest shoulder's touch. I rolled a half smoked cigarette between my sturdy, manicured fingers. A deep inhalation then a puffed exhalation of the dying butt...The black stretched limousine finally came int my view; its passenger or passengers had already departed. The fag was flicked away and I made an approach towards it.

The section that I bolded, doesn't really make sense. how you have it worded it seems to be a wind, but no wind? but the over all description of the story is really good. some grammar mistakes like missing comma's but then everyone is not perfect..