[CryCandice]

Synopsis: How do you recover from loss? We all have our own healing methods. Jack.. just needs to find his.

I stood behind the old, familiar counter, trying to see through it. I hoped that any minute, I’d be able to develop x-ray vision that could make this mission even easier than it already was. After a few minutes’ wait, I heard my mother stride out of the sweet-smelling kitchen. I was on a mission.

I gracefully rose up on the balls of my feet to raise my eye-level those precious few inches. A way’s off, I saw the cookie jar, and victory was just in reach.

I liked to think of my mother’s cookies as the booty, and I’d be the greedy pirate. Except every time I tried to take more than my share, the angry policemen (or amused, I should say) would find me out and confiscate my prized vittles. I was always aware that they knew what I was up to, but blissful ignorance was always the key to an amazing conquest.

This time, I took a different approach. Pirates were too drunken and clumsy for this one. I decided to become a ninja.

I wanted to make the best of the martial arts movie my father had let me watch the night before. Of course it was one of the cheesy Japanese flicks with the poor English dubbing. But at five years old, poor dubbing wasn’t very high on my agitation list.

Not having one of my mother’s fresh baked sugar cookies, however, was.

So I snuck. I crouched down as low as possible, and, as big as my parents were, I must’ve been invisible at that size. At my mighty four feet two inches, I towered over all things kid-sized (my action figures, for one). But in this world full of bleached floors and monstrous appliances, I was a little toy doll to them.

I dodged around corners and crawled beneath chairs until I was at my destination: the other side of the kitchen. And the battle is won.

I reached up with my arm extended like a grasping claw and could feel a cold ceramic indent shaped like a chocolate chip cookie. This was where I would have to practice my newly acquired ninja skills. It would’ve been a hell of a lot cooler if I could’ve done some flips like the guys in the movie to get myself on top of that counter, but instead I jumped up in a nimble leap and landed bottom-down next to the cookie jar.

I quickly scooted it towards me. As I pulled the tight lid off of the jar and proceeded to discard the unnecessary thing, a hand grabbed mine. This hand obviously had no trouble seeking out my miniscule form and pulled me away from my sought-after treasure.

The war, however, was lost.

“Jack, what are you doing?” my mother asked.

Author's note: This is the first part of my novel, Home. It's been previously edited, but if you see anything that just sort of sticks out, please tell me.
This is a pretty vital flashback to me, it shows happy times for Jack. Times when he played, when he was happy.
This book is about Jack's complete loss of everything, and his quest not to get it back, but to get over that barrier, and to keep walking.
This little flashback isn't a short story though, so don't get that mixed with my Jack Walker Finals bit(although this is the story that I was thinking of using it for).

[RENA HANDS]

I think you are giving too much away to your synopsis. So why not say…When one seeks happiness and nothing else, Fate in all its cruelty has a way to remind Man that he cannot always get what he desires, but instead receives what he needs by God’s good grace. (Or something a bit more dramatic).

I don’t think you need the (‘) after minutes…

Also, why not show more imagery of this kitchen and this ‘mesmerizing counter?’

What about saying…

I viewed my mother’s cookies as precious booty, and I being a pirate would steal it from her and hoard it away for my own selfish reasons.

(Try and make this scene more dramatic).

I think you mean…

Every time (that I have) tried…

Possibly…

Of course it was one of those cheesy Japanese flicks with poor English dubbing.

Possibly…

At my mighty four feet two inches,

Why not state that you were or are the miniature toy insect among them. ?

Just state…The war…is lost!

In my opinion this introduction is missing a lot of detailing especially where words can expand upon them.

I shall now move on to Part 2.

[CryCandice]

I took some of your suggestions into consideration, but on others I decided to leave them as they were, seeing as how it kind of ruins the way I envisioned my story to be.

There's an apostrophe after minutes because minutes is plural and minutes possess wait.

The whole pirate thing that you added is a bit too wordy for my tastes, and I decided to just leave that part be.

I agree with the Japanese flicks and the height bits, it makes it sound a lot better, thanks. : )

Also, the war was lost, was meant to be more subtle. Sort of like... reluctantly admitting defeat, I guess?

Thanks for taking the time to read it, though. I'm glad to hear your insght.

[Jimbalaya]

Well, Candice, I didn't spot any errors, so good job there.

I think this is just right for a flashback. The idea of a flash back, in my opinion, is not so much detail as making a point. Like a dream, many of the finer points become hazy, or lost completely, but the meat of the thing sometimes hangs around for a while. Flashbacks are the same in my book. There is simply a point to be made, and after it is made, you get the meat.

I had no trouble seeing this scene. And it was written in such a way that I was rooting for Jack. I wanted him to succeed. I thought parts of it were funny ("booty" kicked my ass) and I felt the disapointment when he failed his mission. Overall, very well written. Good job.

[CryCandice]

Aw thanks. : )