[Vince]

Synopsis: A man tries to buy a bottle of Merlot, when a chain of events starts happening.

[We open in a liquor store. The time is late and you can see that it's night outside. A mature man is browsing the wines and the cashier is watching a show on TV. The man approaches the cashier holding a bottle of red wine.]

MAN
Excuse me sir, could you be most kind and inform me of the price of this fine bottle of wine? It's a Merlot.

CASHIER
[Still watching TV, calmly]
No.

MAN
[Suprised]
I beg you're pardon?

CASHIER
[Still watching TV, same tone]
No.

MAN
[Suprised and annoyed]
What do you mean no? I think you're obligated to help me. The customer is always right, right?

CASHIER
[Always watching TV]
No, not in this store, pal. So you can either buy the damn thing and risk whether or not you can afford it or you can get the fuck out of my store.

MAN
[Shocked]
What kind of language is this!? I demand to see the manager!

CASHIER
[Closing the TV, seems rather annoyed]
Okay, let me get him for you.
[Gets up, goes into the back door and five seconds later he comes out]
You wanted to see me?

MAN
You're the manager?

CASHIER
[Smiling]
You're a sharp one, aren't you? So will you buy the bottle or will you fuck off? Your choice.

MAN
[Very annoyed]
Nobody talks this way to Vernon Buttcrack! I'm gonna sue you, sir!

CASHIER
[Laughing]
Your name is Vernon Buttcrack? I bet you were getting your ass kicked every day in highschool.
[Pulling himself together]
I'm sorry Mr. Buttcrack, but I have a lot of stress these days. My wife left me, my teen daughter is pregnant by my brother and my team just lost. So excuse me, when I ask you [raises voice] to get the fuck out here! You know what? I'm giving you the bottle for free. So go home, fill a glass with that fine Merlot and stuff the bottle up your ass! Double pleasure!

MAN
[Shocked and speechless]

CASHIER
I know what you're thinking. No, we don't have bigger bottles.

[A man with a gun walks into the liquor store]

THUG
[Shouting]
Nobody move! This is a robbery! You, the cashier, gimme the money!

CASHIER
Fucking great. Look pal, I ain't got no money here. Just twenty bucks, it was a slow day.

MAN
[Intervening]
He's lying, it's Friday! I bet he has the whole week's money in there!

THUG
[Pointing the gun at the cashier]
You! Show me the money!

CASHIER
[Mumbling]
Fucking asshole...
[Gets the money]
Here you are, four hundred dollars. Enjoy!

THUG
[Getting the money, preparing to leave]
Right, so nobody do anything stupid because... [Interrupted]

CASHIER
Oh gimme a break! You won't rob him? [Points to the man] I bet he's loaded!

MAN
How dare you...

THUG
[Scratching his head]
Well, you do have a point. You! [points the gun at the man] The wallet! Now!

MAN
But it's from genuine leather and...

THUG
[Moving gun]
The fucking leather wallet! Now!

MAN
[Giving the wallet, speaking to the cashier]
You... you jerk!

THUG
Right, so I'm leaving now, don't... [Interrupted]

CASHIER
He has a gold watch.

THUG
[Looking at the watch]
Yeah? You! [Points at the man] The watch!

MAN
[Annoyed]
It was my father's, he gave it to me before he died.

CASHIER
So he won't miss it.

MAN
[Furious]
You! You... you criminal!

THUG
[Shouting]
The fucking father's watch! Now!

[The man loses the watch and hands it to the robber]

THUG
Right, so we've been through this, nobody do nothing and I... [Interrupted]

CASHIER
Oh come on! He has a cell! He's gonna call the police as soon as you leave and he has seen your face. Do you know how good these police painters are? Fucking Picassos.

MAN
[Trying to persuade the robber]
I assure you I won't call the police. [Closes his eyes] See? I didn't even see you. Where are you?

CASHIER
You won't believe him will you? I mean, you took his father's watch, I dunno what I'd do.

THUG
[Shouting]
The fucking cell! Now!

MAN
[Opening his eyes, handing over the cell phone]
I can't believe this is happening!

CASHIER
[Smiling]
Oh, you'd better believe it Buttcrack.

THUG
For the last time, I'm leaving, so don't... [Interrupted]

CASHIER
Wait!

THUG
[Angry]
What!? What now?

CASHIER
Do you have a car?

THUG
No.

MAN
[Moving his head negatively]
Oh, fucking no.

CASHIER
Take his. I mean, you'll get away from the crime scene faster.

MAN
[Shouting]
No! It's a BMW! Three months old! No!

THUG
The fucking keys! Now!

MAN
Forget it, I'm not giving you the keys.

CASHIER
[Angry]
Oh for fuck's sake, shoot him! Who has the fucking gun here?

THUG
[Pointing the gun at the man]
The keys or I'm shooting you. You heard the man!

MAN
[Giving the keys]
Fucking Merlot! It's the green one in front of the store.

THUG
For the last time, I'm gonna go. Nobody more or blah blah blah! If you stop me again, I'm gonna shoot you!

[The thug exits the store, and the sound of an engine starting can be heard]

CASHIER
[Shouting]
Drive safely!

MAN
[Searching his sock and with a tone of arrogance]
Look! I got a hundred! He didn't get it all! Ha! How does it feel?

CASHIER
Woah, you keep money in your sock? You're ten or something?

MAN
Oh shut up and lemme call the police! Where's the phone?

CASHIER
Oh no. The phone is for employees only. Find another phone.

MAN
[Annoyed]
All the other stores are closed by this time. Quickly lemme do a phone call, he'll get away.

CASHIER
Well if it's something urgent, I guess I can let you do the phone call. But you have to pay it.

MAN
Fine! How much?

CASHIER
[Smiling]
For you, and only for you Mr. Buttcrack it will be just... a hundred dollars.

THE END

[Lubesh]

Cracking pace and funny,(especially the lingo surprisingly) but a bit 'done' on the whole and especially at the end ....could see it coming..but, ten out fo ten for effrot and if its any hlep..i loved the format made it less bland and tedious a read.

[RENA HANDS]

I have never seen a ‘play’ of such format, but I’ll beyond that for now…

What about…

I’m sorry Mr. Buttcrack, but I’ve been under a lot of stress these days: my wife left me…?

Possibly…

Give me the fucking watch! Now! ?

I have stated before if you are serious about writing 'plays,' then you should take the TIME and research not only the proper format, but its proper execution. So it's...

Ah, kind of humorous I suppose. I think extreme vulgarity ruins the comedy of the situation that you are trying to illustrate. I rate 2/5!

[Vince]

Well thanks Lu and Rena and it was a bit over the top. As for the format, I don't know whether it's wrong or not, I just ty to write the dialogues I hear in my head when imagining the situation. As for the voulgarity, it is a bit much, but in my opinion, people do talk that way. Bear in mind the cashier is a very obnoxious character and the robber, well he's a robber. You notice the man doesn't swear until the thug takes his car, the final blow. Anyways, I accept the critique and will try to do better

[Lubesh]

Check in the scripts section......you will see what I mean but tehcncially it isn't 'acceptable' lol but enjoyable, given what you said up there itsbeen boosted in my opinion.

[Peppy]

THUG
For the last time, I'm gonna go. Nobody more or blah blah blah!...

That was pretty good. I don't necessarily like the "play format" stories, but I enjoyed it because it waas well developed and short and easy to read. There was enough humour to make me laugh; I guess I want to say is that I really liked this.

I'd probably crusify this work if I knew how to make a playwright, but since I don't, I'm going to have to play into your hand. It was a good read, deserves a second.

[alja123]

That cashier sure is an ass. I didn't like him at all. Mr. Buttcrack should punch him in the end or something.
Ha ha.

[Vince]

The world is full of asses. (The cashier is kinda based on me )

[Mrs._Lovett13]

The format is not like ther scripts, but it was written in a way for my sleepy head to grasp it. This play was hilarious! As a person who has a great interest in Dramtic Arts I want to see this as a play!

[D-min]

*Thunderous applause* Beautifully done! I love how nasty the cashier gets, lol, the man had it coming, he should have realized that nothing good would have come of it. I love it. The swearing made it seem very realistic, you hit the nail on the head with that one. Wonderfully done, especially that last little kick to Buttcrack's pride at the end. The only thing I could recommend is changing the name to something a bit more subtle. It just seems to take away from the effect of your story. Just a thought. Keep writing, I loved it ^_^