[Bluejay]

(A man walks into an office where another man is seated at a desk, pen in hand, busily writing. Man at desk looks up.)

"May I help you?"

"Yes. I'm looking to have a play written."

"Are you now?"

"Yes."

(Leaning back in chair) "What is this supposed play you'd like to have written all about?

"Well, I'm not exactly sure - that's why I'm here. I have a working title and a key line that the play is supposed to be about."

"Key line?"

"Yes. The key line."

"So you would like to have a play written based on a single key line?"

"Yes."

"What is this key line?"

"Fair is foul and foul is fair / Hover thorough the fog and the filthy air."

"You must be joking."

"No, no. I'm serious. It sounds majestic, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Yes, it does. Why did you pick that particular line?"

"Well, my wife came up with it, really. I heard her say it the other day when she walked into the bathroom after I was done using it."

"Your wife quotes Shakespeare in the bathroom?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said your wife quotes Shakespeare in the bathroom?"

"What is 'shake spear'?"

"You mean 'Who is Shakespeare?'"

(Pause) "All right. Who is 'Shake-spear'?"

"You mean you haven't heard of the incredibly prolific playwright William Shakespeare?"

"Willy Shake Spear? Sounds a bit like a porn star to me."

(Muttering slightly.) "Not too surprising." (Louder) "Your key line is actually a well-known couplet from Macbeth."

(Confused) "Is that something you get in a Happy Meal?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I've had a McFlurry, but I've never heard of a McBeth. Do they give you tiny cups with that?"

(Stares at the other incredulously, momentarily speechless) "Can I assume you have never written a play before?"

"Oh, no, of course not. That's not my cup of tea, really. That's why I've come to see you. I'm a gardener by trade."

"A gardener... Don't they let you read in your particular garden?"

"Well... no, not really. I'm usually too busy watering plants and things."

"It must occupy your full attention."

"Yes."

"Well, that single line isn't much to go on. You said you have a title for this... this play?"

"Yes. The Valves of the Heart."

"The valves of the what?"

"Heart."

"You mean like a human heart?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that a bit... medical?"

"No, not really. I was working on the sprinklers in the garden when it came to me. I had just turned on the water and there it was: valves."

"Sprinkler valves?"

"Well, it wouldn't be a good play if it were about sprinkler valves, now would it?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Then it came to me - Valves of the Heart. Kinda' romantic, don't you think?"

"Yes, in an antiseptic sort of way."

"Auntie who?"

"Never mind. Do you have anything else to go on?"

"Go on?"

"Yes, please do."

"You mean about the play?"

"Well, yes, about the play. What else are we talking about?"

"I really don't know. You're the one who keeps changing the subject."

"I... Ok. Well, this will take me a while. And, of course, I will need to be paid."

"Take as long as you like. And money is no object."

"I'm sure it isn't. Please leave your information with the blind receptionist out front of the building, and we'll get back to you."

"Blind receptionist?"

"You can't miss him. He has a white cane and a tin cup."

"Ah, yes. I saw him on the way in. Thank you very much." (Man exits)

(Man at desk speaks into intercom.) "Millie, there is a man leaving my office. Will you please lock the doors once he has left the building? Thank you, dear."

[Aleox]

Haha wow, that actually made me laugh (unlike other "humor stories" on this site), very well done. The dialogue was smooth and character shined through.

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by Aleox

Haha wow, that actually made me laugh (unlike other "humor stories" on this site), very well done. The dialogue was smooth and character shined through.

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

(In the synopsis for this, I mentioned that it was Monty Phython inspired. But I don't see that anywhere. I'll have to remember that.)

Yep very funny indeed, had me laughing, especially:

"Never mind. Do you have anything else to go on?"
"Go on?"
"Yes, please do."
"You mean about the play?"
"Well, yes, about the play. What else are we talking about?"
"I really don't know. You're the one who keeps changing the subject."

I think this is the best way to write a quick comedy, a big piece of dialogue, and this works really well. Hope to see some more funny material from you soon.

Well done on making me laugh

[Laughing Man]

It sounds like one of the older comedies or even an outdated episode of sienfield that are showing on tv land right now, the innocent comedic responses to set up phrases. The language used almost shows that you tried to hard in making it funny, abandoning the art of simply writing humour as it flows. But okay besides.

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by Duncan

Hope to see some more funny material from you soon. Well done on making me laugh

Glad you enjoyed it. I'll have to see what else is up my sleeve. I haven't written much like this, but I enjoyed writing it as well (playing it out in my mind).

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by Laughing man

It sounds like one of the older comedies or even an outdated episode of sienfield that are showing on tv land right now, the innocent comedic responses to set up phrases. The language used almost shows that you tried to hard in making it funny, abandoning the art of simply writing humour as it flows. But okay besides.

I actually pictured John Cleese sitting at a desk, so perhaps the language style came from that.

(But were you laughing, man? )

[Laughing Man]

No I wasnt...the only thing on my desk right now is a book by Rene Descartes and seven stories by jd salinger, along with notebooks filled with streams of consciousness.

[Aleox]

I guess my assumations about Laughing man were false, in that he wasn't perpetually laughing after all. I suppose people object that different people think different things are funny, but it is hard not to offer at least a chuckle from Monty Python at its best. (Not saying this is elite Monty Python humor, but you know what I mean).

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by Aleox

(Not saying this is elite Monty Python humor, but you know what I mean).

I know exactly what you mean. I have no pretensions about my writing (yet).

[Peppy]

that was good and funny. the like dimwitted charatcers, don't know why. hmmmmmmmm...

[karimeaway]

haha, this story was reminiscent of Abott and Costello and their "Who's on First" dialogue.

Very well written, I was impressed with your voice. Many find it hard to keep voice particular to a single character, but you accomplished it with eloquence.

are you planning to expand upon this thread? perhaps show the scene in which the wife actually quotes shakespeare, and the subsequent actions the man takes (with the sprinklers and such) this story is very good, and expounding upon it would only add to it.

keep it up!

"Fair is foul and foul is fair / Hover thorough the fog and the filthy air."

...


"Well, my wife came up with it, really. I heard her say it the other day when she walked into the bathroom after I was done using it."



This piece grew on me. After going over it several times I figured out the above joke. I must be a dunce.

[Bluejay]

No, no dunces here. I'm glad you're able to find new enjoyment after multiple reads.

[Vince]

I know that this a somewhat old story but just signed up and i loved this one.

It's very good and funny. I get the monty pythons reference. I pictured Cleese as the official and Palin as the other while reading it. Congrats mate! Reminded me the ''Silly walk'' scetch

['Ginnis]

Quick and witty, Monty Python aside you developed something that was entertaining and humorous, refreshing at best with a slightly morbid (in the sense of leaving contact information with a homeless blind man) twist at the end. Good job.

[alloallo3]

Amazing mimicry. You got the timing and the tone just right.